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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend is wrong?.....

94 replies

TableFlowerss · 04/08/2020 17:05

So two friends and I met for coffee. Let’s say ‘Anna’ and ‘Debbie’.

Anna proudly told us that her son has secured a job as a trainer chartered accountant. He’s a graduate with a degree in something unrelated.

Debbie asks Anna if she’s disappointed?! Shock and said ‘well I suppose it’s better than some jobs, but I thought he would have done something different to be honest’

Cue me fumbling around and trying to swiftly change subject.

Now knowing Debbie, I think she was having a bit of a dig and trying to put Anna down a peg or 2. She’s done similar in past eg another friend bought a brand new gorgeous house. It was stunning. Debbie piped up and said ‘has it only got 3 bedrooms. The master suite is quite small eh?’ Confused that kind of thing.

If my DC got a job as a trainee chartered account, I’d be over the moon. I would be very proud indeed! In fact I would actively encourage it.

I think it’s a career be proud of and that Debbie is wrong. It’s not something everyone can do and takes a lot of hard work and dedication!

OP posts:
Tsubasa1 · 04/08/2020 17:07

Yanbu

Hippocampe · 04/08/2020 17:10

I think Debbie sounds like a first class knob. Any achievement our kids make will obviously make us proud as parents, and a decent job in what sounds like a great career is fantastic, why on Earth, even if she didn't think it was that great, did she feel the need to give her opinion?! I'd equally be as pleased if my children got jobs in a supermarket, if they were happy with that. Their happiness will be my greatest wish for them, and what will make me truly proud. If you ask me, she's jealous, and the whole "taking down a peg or two" on other occasions too, screams jealousy, trying to minimise others achievements to make herself look better.

ThoroughlyForumed · 04/08/2020 17:12

Yanbu. Why do you and Anna keep spending time with Debbie if she's always like this?

isabellerossignol · 04/08/2020 17:15

Next time you meet for coffee leave Debbie out of it. Someone like this couldn't possibly have enough redeeming features to make that sort of thing worth putting up with. What the hell does Debbie do anyway? Multimillionaire entrepreneur and philanthropist?

Candyflosscookie · 04/08/2020 17:18

I wouldn't have fumbled and tried to change the subject. I'd have asked Debbie if she knows exactly what a chartered accountant IS and what their average salary is. That might have made her take a step back, the snotty cow. Don't be "nice" when she's being a bitch. Ask her to explain her comments. Challenge her. Stand up to her.

Just like asking a man to explain a sexist joke makes them squirm. Make her squirm. People continue to do and say shitty things because they are not challenged. Change the dynamic. It works. Wink

Cadent · 04/08/2020 17:18

Not sure what your AIBU is? Friend is wrong for what? Being a twat? But you know that!

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 04/08/2020 17:20

@ThoroughlyForumed

Yanbu. Why do you and Anna keep spending time with Debbie if she's always like this?
I’m beginning to ask myself this exact question tbh.
OP posts:
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 04/08/2020 17:21

She’s unpleasant and jealous...time to socially distance from her permanently.😂

OwlinaTree · 04/08/2020 17:23

Debbie is being very rude. It would have been obvious from how Anna was talking that she was proud of her son.

I'd drop Debbie, she sounds jealous at best.

ChateauMargaux · 04/08/2020 17:23

Why did you fumble around and change the subject and not pipe in 'Jeez Debbie, that is a great job, lucky him getting a job with fantastic prospects straight out of uni in these times, please tell him I said well done, clearly all his hard work at school and uni has paid off'.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 04/08/2020 17:24

@Cadent

Not sure what your AIBU is? Friend is wrong for what? Being a twat? But you know that!
I suppose I was meaning that she was wrong suggesting a Chartered Accountant isn’t really a good job. I would say it’s in the top ten of respectable professions.

and being a twat haha

OP posts:
Topseyt · 04/08/2020 17:24

Debbie sounds like one who has to pick fault with everything. For whom nothing can be quite right.

I'd be very tempted to pull her up on it. She is s twat.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 04/08/2020 17:24

@Candyflosscookie

I wouldn't have fumbled and tried to change the subject. I'd have asked Debbie if she knows exactly what a chartered accountant IS and what their average salary is. That might have made her take a step back, the snotty cow. Don't be "nice" when she's being a bitch. Ask her to explain her comments. Challenge her. Stand up to her.

Just like asking a man to explain a sexist joke makes them squirm. Make her squirm. People continue to do and say shitty things because they are not challenged. Change the dynamic. It works. Wink

You are right. In hindsight I wish I had
OP posts:
billy1966 · 04/08/2020 17:27

Why indeed the fumbling around such rudeness...

If I was Anna I'd leave the two of you to your coffee.

mumsie8 · 04/08/2020 17:27

My son is on an apprenticeship course to become a chatered accountant. The opportunities for him and the potential wage earnings (not that this is what drives him but lets be honest, a good wage is a great bonus to have when working) are great. Hopefully his future will be secure. He opted out of uni to do this and looked at his options long and hard.
Debbie is awful and sounds petty and jealous. I would start giving her a wide berth.
Your friend has every right to be proud, as does any parent of their child, whatever their working decisions are, if it makes them happy and satisfies them.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 04/08/2020 17:28

@ChateauMargaux

Why did you fumble around and change the subject and not pipe in 'Jeez Debbie, that is a great job, lucky him getting a job with fantastic prospects straight out of uni in these times, please tell him I said well done, clearly all his hard work at school and uni has paid off'.
I’m a wimp. I said wow he’s done really well fab etc before Debbie put on her two pennies worth in.
OP posts:
MaybeDoctor · 04/08/2020 17:33

It's a nasty remark at the best of times.

The only time it might be remotely acceptable to express surprise would be if he was, for example, a brilliant violinist who had just spent the last few years at the Royal Academy of Music. In that case, being a chartered accountant might be wasting his natural and unique talents. But I somehow don't think that was what she was getting at!

jessstan2 · 04/08/2020 17:34

You're not unreasonable. Unfortunately there are some people who will always find something negative to say about another person's life or achievements. It's none of their business!

Pobblebonk · 04/08/2020 17:35

I agree you should have jumped right in and asked Debbie if she had any idea what she was talking about, Anna's son's achievement is a fabulous one. Time to cut Debbie out, I'd say, if this is her usual approach.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 04/08/2020 17:36

Debbie sounds insecure and poor company.

Cadent · 04/08/2020 17:36

In that case YANBU. What does this paragon do for a living that she sneers on CAs?

jay55 · 04/08/2020 17:38

Any graduate securing employment right now is doing really, really well. In a training position which has great scope for a long term career is fucking fantastic and his mum should be massively proud.

Iloveacurry · 04/08/2020 17:38

Debbie doesn’t sound very nice, and is probably jealous.

canigooutyet · 04/08/2020 17:39

Either dump her or play her back at her own game.

With the job thing - remind me what you do again.

Comments about the house- mate have you ever opened your eyes in your own place. Or suggest a visit to the opticians.

If she can give it, she should be prepared to take it.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2020 17:40

I would bin Debbie like yesterday's rubbish.

Why allow someone like this in your life? Who needs this aggravation?