To think friend is wrong?.....

[TableFlowerss]

So two friends and I met for coffee. Let’s say ‘Anna’ and ‘Debbie’.

Anna proudly told us that her son has secured a job as a trainer chartered accountant. He’s a graduate with a degree in something unrelated.

Debbie asks Anna if she’s disappointed?! and said ‘well I suppose it’s better than some jobs, but I thought he would have done something different to be honest’

Cue me fumbling around and trying to swiftly change subject.

Now knowing Debbie, I think she was having a bit of a dig and trying to put Anna down a peg or 2. She’s done similar in past eg another friend bought a brand new gorgeous house. It was stunning. Debbie piped up and said ‘has it only got 3 bedrooms. The master suite is quite small eh?’ that kind of thing.

If my DC got a job as a trainee chartered account, I’d be over the moon. I would be very proud indeed! In fact I would actively encourage it.

I think it’s a career be proud of and that Debbie is wrong. It’s not something everyone can do and takes a lot of hard work and dedication!

Debbie sounds like a very jealous, insecure person. She makes herself feel better by putting others down. People like that are not easy to be around.

What the hell does Debbie do anyway? Multimillionaire entrepreneur and philanthropist

If Debbie was a multimillionaire entrepreneur and philanthropist she wouldn’t have dreamed of saying something so nasty

Why would you not be proud that your son has a job as a trainee chartered accountant? I don’t understand that at all.

I would have been tempted to ask what she expected dc to do?

She's literally Debbie Downer

Debbie is a dick. Hope you heaped praise on your friends son

Debbie sounds a bit jealous tbh.

So rude, I hope you reminded Debbie that her luxury car sales job will be replaced by robots and augmented reality headsets in a few years' time

I had exactly this comment when an acquaintance from school asked what I was doing post university:
‘Oh, I thought you were cleverer than that.’

I was rendered speechless. Idiot.

Does she have redeeming qualities?

Doesn't matter what I think of the job, matters what Anna's son thinks, and then Anna. If he is pleased and she is proud, then I am delighted for them.
If he was starting a job in button design and he was thrilled and she was proud, I'd be delighted for them.

I would be pleased if any of my DC did that, of course. Debbie is a plonker.

Debbie sounds jealous, insecure and thick. Next time she tries something like this laugh in her face/raise an eyebrow and say "Well Debbie, you never managed to do insert the job/place where the house was bought/whatever so what's your problem with X achieving it?"

I knew someone like this OP. They get dropped by everyone in 3-5 year cycles because they never learn and piss off everyone innocent enough to get sucked in.

Btw I get what you mean by the fumbling, when someone is that rude it catches normal people on the hop with a bit of 'I must have heard that wrong....'

Debbie sounds like the kind of person who likes to piss on other people's parade. Narcissistic abusers tend to do that a lot.

A few approaches:

• innocent ("Why did you say that? I must habe misunderstood, can you explain?")
• direct ("Why did you say that? That was out of order, quite frankly")
• supportive to the other friend ("Wow, that's great news, you must be so proud!" [completely ignore what Debbie said, like she's not even here])

Debbie is jealous, like others I wouldn’t have changed the subject, i would have said “wow, what an amazing achievement, once qualified he’s set up for life, well done (insert sons name).

Debbie is dying od jealousy - both re the house and the son's prospects.

Debbie is one of those people who just suck all the joy out of life. A joy vampire.

Did you actually pipe up and say that you would be really proud if your child got that job? Because that's how we show our friends they're acting like twats & show support to those who are being put down.

I also have a friend like this.

Oh you got engaged? I guess it doesn't seem like a big deal given he's been married before.

You've bought a house? Shame it's in the location it's in but you have to live somewhere.

You're pregnant? I am not surprised, I guessed you would be freaking about your age and make a panicked decision.

The difference is it does not bother me one jot because she is quite clearly jealous as hell about all those things.

I'm not saying all women want those things btw, I've other friends with no interest in getting married, having kids or buying a suburban home.

But this friend is devastated she hasn't got them and thinks having a go at me will make her feel better. I just roll my eyes.

I would have said what you say to us - not changed the subject?! And I'd have made the point that if he was training to be a refuse collector, good for him! WTF business is it of a man's mum's mates to be judging his career choice. Tell her straight and see what the reaction is.

I think you should text Anna and say again how well you think her son has done and to not listen to Debbie.
I would either not invite Debbie out again or I would question her next time she does it... “i’m really surprised you said that Debbie, do you not think being an accountant is a good job?”

Debbie is a twat! The way the world is going i would be happy they got a job regardless to what it is if it means they could eat and pay for a roof over their head. some people are utter knobs

It’s a great job. Lots of exams for the first few years but definitely worth it. It pays really well and wages just keep going up as the years progress. It’s easy as in it’s not physically demanding or as difficult as other jobs where you have to deal with awkward clients (most of the time). There are lots of jobs available and not limited to one location. He could transfer to lots of other areas in finance once he has the qualifications.

Debbie is jealous and doesn’t like other people having successes to make herself feel good or she is too thick to understand what an accountant does.

How many people are you really expecting to say this person was wrong?

Shame you didn’t speak up for your friend. That’s would be the right thing to do.

I had a friend like this when I was younger. Soon ditched her! I wouldn’t spend much more time with Debbie if I were you or Anna - what’s the point?!

Also, it’s irrelevant whether or not a chartered accountant is a good job. Anna was clearly proud of and happy for her son so the only appropriate response from a friend would be “well done him!”, whatever the job was.

‘Debbie’ is a bitch, is it even a question? I would have made a bigger fuss than I would have anyway to congratulate ‘Anna’. I hate this kind of one-upmanship, it’s pathetic and uncalled for. Of course it’s a good job with great prospects, and in a very uncertain economy it’s fantastic news to have secured a job.

No matter what the job was and what Debbie’s thoughts were there should only have been good thoughts in a real friendship.

I knew someone like this - it is definitely jealousy and trying to make someone else feel miserable because they do.
I would make an effort to be more interested in Anna’s life and say how is your son getting on with his fantastic job? Don’t they make loads of money? He’s so lucky type thing.

I would actually invite Debbie and Anna out for another coffee and make a plan where you spend the whole time boasting about how great your lives are and then don’t see her again that.