Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Surely I'm not?

67 replies

Hepcat75 · 03/08/2020 20:08

Change of name for this one.

Due to holiday next year with my DH and DC, his sister, her husband and their kids, and the PIL (Covid permitting and all that jazz). We've done it before and I had an ok time for all sorts of reasons but my kids had an excellent time which is obviously all that really matters.
We are visiting the same country as last time. It's not the incredible journey or anything but there are two border crossings (the importance of which will emerge).
FIL is a barrister (shortly to retire) and MIL is a senior SW. Also relevant.
In conversation about the holiday last night, as I was casually raising a few concerns I had based on last time, OH lets slip that his sis and her - boorish but admittedly not horrendous - husband had Class A drugs in the car with them!!! With some draw just to round it out, I guess. No idea how much, buts that's pretty much incidental. I presumed he was making a poor-taste joke. Nope. Nope. AND WE HAD LET OUR DAUGHTER TRAVEL IN THAT CAR AT LEAST HALF OF THE WAY. (He says he didn't know at that point).

I was absolutely speechless.

I genuinely do not think he understood the consequences for them, for us, for the PIL ffs, if they'd been caught. I'm beside myself thinking about it.

I've told him the children and I are not going unless they undertake not to try the same fucking stunt. He doesn't know how to do this 'without making it look like an ultimatum'. Oh - and he doesn't really want to let on that he told me! He and his sister are close and I think they view me as a bit of a weirdo as I had a fairly awful upbringing and I'm therefore I guess not as invested in the extended family dynamic as they are. Although apparently that dynamic's motto is 'The Family That Snorts Together . . . '

Wtf?

OP posts:

terracottapot · 03/08/2020 22:58

@Hepcat75

Change of name for this one.

I was absolutely speechless.

I genuinely do not think he understood the consequences for them, for us, for the PIL ffs, if they'd been caught. I'm beside myself thinking about it.

Wtf?

I've told him the children and I are not going unless they undertake not to try the same fucking stunt. He doesn't know how to do this 'without making it look like an ultimatum'.

Why can't your DH tell them? After all, it is an ultimatum.

livefornaps · 03/08/2020 23:10

It's a future episode of banged up abroad yooo

saraclara · 03/08/2020 23:10

Yep. IT's DH's task to tell them, not yours.

He needs to make them understand the risk to his parents at the very least. As the brother he can do that with less fallout.

Viviennemary · 03/08/2020 23:36

Report them to the police. And have nothing more to do with them ever again. They are drug dealers.

ekidmxcl · 03/08/2020 23:37

I'd just not go.

You cannot control other adults. Even if you tell them not to bring cocaine or you tell the PILs that they have cocaine and they read the riot act, you still cannot actually prevent BIL/SIL from transporting cocaine without your knowledge. If they want to it, why would they give a shit what you/their parents think (given that they clearly give no shits about any laws!)?

AbbieFB · 03/08/2020 23:39

I would tell your PIL. Even if your SIL&BIL undertake not to do it again, it doesn't mean they won't, they may just not tell your DH this time.

If your PIL know then they can decide for themselves whether they want to jeopardise their careers and reputations, I would presume not!

Shizzlestix · 03/08/2020 23:40

My dc would NOT be travelling in the same car as them. If this causes issues, then you tell them why. If the pil overhear, all to the good. They are stupid.

stovetopespresso · 03/08/2020 23:45

i agree with @10saraclara. dp has to do this, theres some weird family dynamic power play going on here but whatever, you need to control what you need to, ie the risk to dc. wouldnt tell inlaws though

Ellmau · 03/08/2020 23:50

It IS an ultimatum, and so it should be. But TBH I wouldn't be able to trust them no matter what reassurances they gave. I would just say you and your DC will not travel or holiday with them again, full stop.

I wonder if your DH's reluctance to draw the line is because he has perhaps partaken with them at some point and doesn't want them to tell you that?

GabsAlot · 04/08/2020 00:00

I'd agree with that ellmau seems very reluctant to say anyyting to them doesnt he

Braveheart101 · 04/08/2020 00:02

This isn’t even a question. I wouldn’t let my kids anywhere near them, let alone going on holiday with them. Who wants their kids in any way connected with that shit? Tell your DH he can do what he likes but you and your kids are out.

monkeymonkey2010 · 04/08/2020 00:05

PIL is the world's nicest man - until riled, at which point he goes beserk. Seen it maybe twice in 11 years. I very much fear there'd be no coming back from him learning they'd carried cocaine through two borders

OP.....no matter the fall-out, i think you should tell PIL.
Think of the worst case scenario - your group gets checked/caught, BIL/SIL and anybody in their car could well be arrested.
I wouldn't put it past BIL/SIL to drive whilst under the influence either - people like that think they're invincible.
Plus - PIL don't want it happening in their home and this lot are taking the piss.

Your husband kept this from you deliberately and didn't give two shits about the possible dangers for his wife and kids.
How will YOU face PIL if BIL/SIL end up overdosing on this holiday and it can no longer remain hidden?

Do YOU disrespect your PIL so much that you will keep quiet?
Shit like this always comes out - and your PIL will never look at you the same way again when they found out you knew all along and colluded in making fools out of them.

MafiaMolly · 04/08/2020 00:39

I had a boyfriend years ago who I visited in the USA while he was working there. I flew out to meet him, spent three weeks there, and then flew home.

When I got home I found he'd put a few wraps of cocaine in my suitcase.

When I confronted him about it he said he'd done it because he knew I was so straight that the customs people wouldn't suspect a thing.

By the time he got back to the UK a few weeks later, all the things he'd left at my house were in bin bags in his front garden. It was bloody awful.

This is an outrageous, awful thing for them to do, and all that will happen when you tell them you won't travel with them if they're carrying illegal substances is they'll lie and pretend they've left it all at home. The only way forward, I think, is to refuse to go on holiday with them, and to not let your children go either. It's up to your DH to decide for himself but if he decides to go without you, then you know you've got a problem there.

And I wouldn't ask your DH to tell them it's not on. I'd tell them myself, and I'd tell the PILs too.

GinwithPinkGrapefruit · 04/08/2020 00:43

I quite genuinely can’t believe you would still associate with these people and go on holiday with them etc. Regardless of how much I enjoy your writing style.

Original poster

Hepcat75 · 04/08/2020 08:42

I haven't disappeared. I'm thinking. Thanks, all.

OP posts:

Wallywobbles · 04/08/2020 15:03

À little slip of paper on the photo page of your passport saying you understand the x car with x number plate is carrying drugs.

User50000999788887876655 · 04/08/2020 20:30

Tell the In laws, if you dint you’re leaving them vulnerable to it. What if you song go, don’t say anything, they do it again and get caught. Say something.

Flip

1 2 3