Surely I'm not?

[Hepcat75]

Change of name for this one.

Due to holiday next year with my DH and DC, his sister, her husband and their kids, and the PIL (Covid permitting and all that jazz). We've done it before and I had an ok time for all sorts of reasons but my kids had an excellent time which is obviously all that really matters.
We are visiting the same country as last time. It's not the incredible journey or anything but there are two border crossings (the importance of which will emerge).
FIL is a barrister (shortly to retire) and MIL is a senior SW. Also relevant.
In conversation about the holiday last night, as I was casually raising a few concerns I had based on last time, OH lets slip that his sis and her - boorish but admittedly not horrendous - husband had Class A drugs in the car with them!!! With some draw just to round it out, I guess. No idea how much, buts that's pretty much incidental. I presumed he was making a poor-taste joke. Nope. Nope. AND WE HAD LET OUR DAUGHTER TRAVEL IN THAT CAR AT LEAST HALF OF THE WAY. (He says he didn't know at that point).

I was absolutely speechless.

I genuinely do not think he understood the consequences for them, for us, for the PIL ffs, if they'd been caught. I'm beside myself thinking about it.

I've told him the children and I are not going unless they undertake not to try the same fucking stunt. He doesn't know how to do this 'without making it look like an ultimatum'. Oh - and he doesn't really want to let on that he told me! He and his sister are close and I think they view me as a bit of a weirdo as I had a fairly awful upbringing and I'm therefore I guess not as invested in the extended family dynamic as they are. Although apparently that dynamic's motto is 'The Family That Snorts Together . . . '

Wtf?

[User50000999788887876655]

Tell the In laws, if you dint you’re leaving them vulnerable to it. What if you song go, don’t say anything, they do it again and get caught. Say something.

[Wallywobbles]

À little slip of paper on the photo page of your passport saying you understand the x car with x number plate is carrying drugs.

[Hepcat75]

I haven't disappeared. I'm thinking. Thanks, all.

[GinwithPinkGrapefruit]

I quite genuinely can’t believe you would still associate with these people and go on holiday with them etc. Regardless of how much I enjoy your writing style.

[MafiaMolly]

I had a boyfriend years ago who I visited in the USA while he was working there. I flew out to meet him, spent three weeks there, and then flew home.

When I got home I found he'd put a few wraps of cocaine in my suitcase.

When I confronted him about it he said he'd done it because he knew I was so straight that the customs people wouldn't suspect a thing.

By the time he got back to the UK a few weeks later, all the things he'd left at my house were in bin bags in his front garden. It was bloody awful.

This is an outrageous, awful thing for them to do, and all that will happen when you tell them you won't travel with them if they're carrying illegal substances is they'll lie and pretend they've left it all at home. The only way forward, I think, is to refuse to go on holiday with them, and to not let your children go either. It's up to your DH to decide for himself but if he decides to go without you, then you know you've got a problem there.

And I wouldn't ask your DH to tell them it's not on. I'd tell them myself, and I'd tell the PILs too.

[monkeymonkey2010]

PIL is the world's nicest man - until riled, at which point he goes beserk. Seen it maybe twice in 11 years. I very much fear there'd be no coming back from him learning they'd carried cocaine through two borders

OP.....no matter the fall-out, i think you should tell PIL.
Think of the worst case scenario - your group gets checked/caught, BIL/SIL and anybody in their car could well be arrested.
I wouldn't put it past BIL/SIL to drive whilst under the influence either - people like that think they're invincible.
Plus - PIL don't want it happening in their home and this lot are taking the piss.

Your husband kept this from you deliberately and didn't give two shits about the possible dangers for his wife and kids.
How will YOU face PIL if BIL/SIL end up overdosing on this holiday and it can no longer remain hidden?

Do YOU disrespect your PIL so much that you will keep quiet?
Shit like this always comes out - and your PIL will never look at you the same way again when they found out you knew all along and colluded in making fools out of them.

[Braveheart101]

This isn’t even a question. I wouldn’t let my kids anywhere near them, let alone going on holiday with them. Who wants their kids in any way connected with that shit? Tell your DH he can do what he likes but you and your kids are out.

[GabsAlot]

I'd agree with that ellmau seems very reluctant to say anyyting to them doesnt he

[Ellmau]

It IS an ultimatum, and so it should be. But TBH I wouldn't be able to trust them no matter what reassurances they gave. I would just say you and your DC will not travel or holiday with them again, full stop.

I wonder if your DH's reluctance to draw the line is because he has perhaps partaken with them at some point and doesn't want them to tell you that?

[stovetopespresso]

i agree with @10saraclara. dp has to do this, theres some weird family dynamic power play going on here but whatever, you need to control what you need to, ie the risk to dc. wouldnt tell inlaws though

[Shizzlestix]

My dc would NOT be travelling in the same car as them. If this causes issues, then you tell them why. If the pil overhear, all to the good. They are stupid.

[AbbieFB]

I would tell your PIL. Even if your SIL&BIL undertake not to do it again, it doesn't mean they won't, they may just not tell your DH this time.

If your PIL know then they can decide for themselves whether they want to jeopardise their careers and reputations, I would presume not!

[ekidmxcl]

I'd just not go.

You cannot control other adults. Even if you tell them not to bring cocaine or you tell the PILs that they have cocaine and they read the riot act, you still cannot actually prevent BIL/SIL from transporting cocaine without your knowledge. If they want to it, why would they give a shit what you/their parents think (given that they clearly give no shits about any laws!)?

[Viviennemary]

Report them to the police. And have nothing more to do with them ever again. They are drug dealers.

[saraclara]

Yep. IT's DH's task to tell them, not yours.

He needs to make them understand the risk to his parents at the very least. As the brother he can do that with less fallout.

[livefornaps]

It's a future episode of banged up abroad yooo

[terracottapot]

@Hepcat75

Change of name for this one.

Due to holiday next year with my DH and DC, his sister, her husband and their kids, and the PIL (Covid permitting and all that jazz). We've done it before and I had an ok time for all sorts of reasons but my kids had an excellent time which is obviously all that really matters.
We are visiting the same country as last time. It's not the incredible journey or anything but there are two border crossings (the importance of which will emerge).
FIL is a barrister (shortly to retire) and MIL is a senior SW. Also relevant.
In conversation about the holiday last night, as I was casually raising a few concerns I had based on last time, OH lets slip that his sis and her - boorish but admittedly not horrendous - husband had Class A drugs in the car with them!!! With some draw just to round it out, I guess. No idea how much, buts that's pretty much incidental. I presumed he was making a poor-taste joke. Nope. Nope. AND WE HAD LET OUR DAUGHTER TRAVEL IN THAT CAR AT LEAST HALF OF THE WAY. (He says he didn't know at that point).

I was absolutely speechless.

I genuinely do not think he understood the consequences for them, for us, for the PIL ffs, if they'd been caught. I'm beside myself thinking about it.

I've told him the children and I are not going unless they undertake not to try the same fucking stunt. He doesn't know how to do this 'without making it look like an ultimatum'. Oh - and he doesn't really want to let on that he told me! He and his sister are close and I think they view me as a bit of a weirdo as I had a fairly awful upbringing and I'm therefore I guess not as invested in the extended family dynamic as they are. Although apparently that dynamic's motto is 'The Family That Snorts Together . . . '

Wtf?

I've told him the children and I are not going unless they undertake not to try the same fucking stunt. He doesn't know how to do this 'without making it look like an ultimatum'.

Why can't your DH tell them? After all, it is an ultimatum.

[Iflyaway]

Wow, what a bunch of idiots. I can really imagine your stress upon hearing this.

Bloody hell, you only have to watch some "Locked Up Abroad" episodes (I presume you can find it on Youtube, here it's on telly - not UK), absolutely chilling.

I would downright refuse that holiday. Fuck the money.

And I'd tell the PILs. You owe it to them. This is a very toxic situation for all of you and it needs sorting - let the shit hit the fan and deal with the fallout.
If it was my family and they refused to speak to me ever again, so be it. I will not have my safety and that of my family compromised by a bunch of insane idiots.

[EwwSprouts]

Just no. I would insist DH issues the ultimatum. Drugs and children is just a no whether in home country or on holiday abroad. And even if they say they're travelling drug free not let your DC journey in their car. I would be prepared not to go if it came down to it as I think tourists in any country get a rougher deal than nationals if picked up by police/customs.

[bibbitybobbitycats]

I would tell the PIL, it's not fair on them to be put in that situation.

[saltycat]

Can't understand why anyone would reveal they were in possession of Class A drugs to anyone. Baffled.

[CaptainNelson]

I think SonetLumiere's solution is about the best. Keep it very calm and just between you and SIL & BIL, as in: I know what you're doing, I don't need to get into a discussion about what's right and what's wrong, but you keep it away from me and my family, and you will be on your own if you get caught. And I will not be going on holiday with you again.
I really wouldn't tell in PILs - that is just going to cause a lot of heartache and backfire

[DarkDarkNight]

YANBU were they really as you say carrying an amount that was an ‘intent to supply’ amount? They put you all in danger without a second thought.

I don’t think I would put my child at such a risk again. Not just of being in a car with class A drugs, but of potentially being in a car when drugs were found, of seeing their Aunt and Uncle hauled off to jail. It would be bad in most countries but could be life changing in others.

I wouldn’t go and I would warn my PILs. As you say it would cause huge problems with their jobs, and they may be implicated.

[Lifeisgenerallyfun]

Or grass them up to customs as you drive through and point out you understand their car has drugs in, will solve the problem

[Lifeisgenerallyfun]

Create a group WhatsApp - say really looking forward to the holiday and trust there will be no Columbian marching powder this time as it’s fucking irresponsible- so what if they get pissed off - do you want your DD going on holiday with druggies?