Surely I'm not?

[Hepcat75]

Change of name for this one.

Due to holiday next year with my DH and DC, his sister, her husband and their kids, and the PIL (Covid permitting and all that jazz). We've done it before and I had an ok time for all sorts of reasons but my kids had an excellent time which is obviously all that really matters.
We are visiting the same country as last time. It's not the incredible journey or anything but there are two border crossings (the importance of which will emerge).
FIL is a barrister (shortly to retire) and MIL is a senior SW. Also relevant.
In conversation about the holiday last night, as I was casually raising a few concerns I had based on last time, OH lets slip that his sis and her - boorish but admittedly not horrendous - husband had Class A drugs in the car with them!!! With some draw just to round it out, I guess. No idea how much, buts that's pretty much incidental. I presumed he was making a poor-taste joke. Nope. Nope. AND WE HAD LET OUR DAUGHTER TRAVEL IN THAT CAR AT LEAST HALF OF THE WAY. (He says he didn't know at that point).

I was absolutely speechless.

I genuinely do not think he understood the consequences for them, for us, for the PIL ffs, if they'd been caught. I'm beside myself thinking about it.

I've told him the children and I are not going unless they undertake not to try the same fucking stunt. He doesn't know how to do this 'without making it look like an ultimatum'. Oh - and he doesn't really want to let on that he told me! He and his sister are close and I think they view me as a bit of a weirdo as I had a fairly awful upbringing and I'm therefore I guess not as invested in the extended family dynamic as they are. Although apparently that dynamic's motto is 'The Family That Snorts Together . . . '

Wtf?

[Bluepolkadots42]

Jesus- I would be raging. YANBU. I also wouldn't be going on holiday with them again and would be sorely tempted to tell ILs. What SIL and partner did is so selfish, reckless and disrespectful to all the rest of you who went on that holiday. After their behaviour you owe them absolutely FA and I would go all out on making them more than aware of that.

[LouiseTrees]

Tell your in laws anonymously then. A letter addressed to them with a specific time they should come home to catch the sister in the act or something. Seriously in any case they should know. I was more thinking about the travelling back stage or even here in the UK than to the other country.

[JuniperFather]

@LouiseTrees

Tell your in laws anonymously then. A letter addressed to them with a specific time they should come home to catch the sister in the act or something. Seriously in any case they should know. I was more thinking about the travelling back stage or even here in the UK than to the other country.

I don't know about this. This just paints you out as a snitch to me.

Far better to confront the DH about this surely, as he's the one that "didn't want to let on that he told you", so he's the snitch really.

Why did he tell you? So that he could get you to solve his sister problem.

Get him to front up.

[JuniperFather]

And by "you" I meant it would make OP out to be a snitch, not @LouiseTrees whom I am definitely not calling a snitch.

[giantangryrooster]

I definitely wouldn't share a car with them, let alone a house. If they are spotted at the border or elsewhere, it will be everybody incl. your dc that will be searched. If someone spotted it in the shared house, it could just as well be yours and you could take the fall.

Apart from that, drugs and dc don't mix at all, in my book, it makes people less dependable, making the chance of bad decisions too high.

Noway would i holiday with them (they can promise till they are blue in the face not to do it again). I wouldn't trust their judgement and my own (family) safety with them ever again.

I can see you can't do this, but your pil should be warned by someone.

But holy shit, I would be angry.

[Sparkletastic]

I've got friends that do this. I would never ever travel with them.

[WonderWebbs]

I would not be happy OP with your SIL and BIL. Does your DH not realise the consequences for the rest of his family if you get pulled over at a border with drugs in a vehicle? Not sure what borders you are crossing but from experience everytime we travel on the Eurotunnel from UK to France we (family of three) are always checked and swabbed for drugs, boot and steering wheel!

[Feralkidsatthecampsite]

Imo you have a duty to tell ils. Imagine they pack a case into ils car....
They have screwed up your relationship with them anyway.
Hung for a sheep as a lamb and all that.

[LouiseTrees]

@JuniperFather

And by "you" I meant it would make OP out to be a snitch, not *@LouiseTrees* whom I am definitely not calling a snitch.

Totally with you! On this and the prior post.

[Hepcat75]

Wonderwebbs - that's a very interesting point. I wonder if, with Covid, the increased chance of more frequent and invasive contact with the car, might put them off. I wonder if I could somehow use that to amp up their paranoia.

[Spotsandstars]

Tell the inlaws. Sorry but they knew your inlaws positions and still jeopardised everything in their lives, that's disgusting, arrogant and selfish. I couldn't go on holiday with them knowing that, the trust would be gone.

[MrsGilly1]

Hi,

I think your DP is mad is if he thinks you will turn a blind eye to this.

Travelling in a car with them or not - what happens if there is residue from the drugs onto your things once you been with them or if they hide it in something they give to kids like a toy or something and you have it in your car.

If they are caught they may be asked if they have travelled with anyone and name you so your car and belongings will be searched. Nothing will be found obviously but still isn't the hassle and upset you want on a holiday.

I think the in laws deserve the right to know what happened. How they deal with it is up to them but I think they have a right to know they were nearly busted because of the idiotic game of their daughter and son in law.

Doing it in their own home is their choice and risk but to take it on holiday and risk imprisonment for all, amongst other things is just madness! X

Tell the in laws!

[FedUpAtHomeTroels]

You have to tell them. Otherwise it's you who will look like some sort of wierdo to the PIL's when you are refusing to let the kids in the SIL car and wanting to refuse to go on holiday. You will be made into the one who is unreasonable. Just tell the one you get one with the best and leave them to sort out their stupid daughter and her h.

[Hepcat75]

I imagine what I will do will be something very much along those lines, SonEtLumiere. That's sort of where I was headed. They'll hate me forever but I can deal. They're quite trivial anyway, which I left out of the OP in case some charmer said 'You sound like a bit of a snob, OP.'

[StatementKnickers]

YADNBU.

I wouldn't be going anywhere with these people and they sound like the type who'd think it hilarious to hide their drugs in YOUR car before crossing any borders. You mentioned their kids - did they have their own kids in the car with the drugs? Who the hell takes drugs with them on an overseas family holiday??

[IceCreamSummer20]

I’d be inclined to get it out in the open. Or I’d say to them first, you can’t be going this, you can’t take drugs on holiday, you shouldn’t really have them in your own house - you’ve got kids.

Then see if they actually respond and talk about it. If they were pig headed and ‘we will do what we want’ I think I’d tell ILs.

[Lifeisgenerallyfun]

Create a group WhatsApp - say really looking forward to the holiday and trust there will be no Columbian marching powder this time as it’s fucking irresponsible- so what if they get pissed off - do you want your DD going on holiday with druggies?

[Lifeisgenerallyfun]

Or grass them up to customs as you drive through and point out you understand their car has drugs in, will solve the problem

[DarkDarkNight]

YANBU were they really as you say carrying an amount that was an ‘intent to supply’ amount? They put you all in danger without a second thought.

I don’t think I would put my child at such a risk again. Not just of being in a car with class A drugs, but of potentially being in a car when drugs were found, of seeing their Aunt and Uncle hauled off to jail. It would be bad in most countries but could be life changing in others.

I wouldn’t go and I would warn my PILs. As you say it would cause huge problems with their jobs, and they may be implicated.

[CaptainNelson]

I think SonetLumiere's solution is about the best. Keep it very calm and just between you and SIL & BIL, as in: I know what you're doing, I don't need to get into a discussion about what's right and what's wrong, but you keep it away from me and my family, and you will be on your own if you get caught. And I will not be going on holiday with you again.
I really wouldn't tell in PILs - that is just going to cause a lot of heartache and backfire

[saltycat]

Can't understand why anyone would reveal they were in possession of Class A drugs to anyone. Baffled.

[bibbitybobbitycats]

I would tell the PIL, it's not fair on them to be put in that situation.

[EwwSprouts]

Just no. I would insist DH issues the ultimatum. Drugs and children is just a no whether in home country or on holiday abroad. And even if they say they're travelling drug free not let your DC journey in their car. I would be prepared not to go if it came down to it as I think tourists in any country get a rougher deal than nationals if picked up by police/customs.

[Iflyaway]

Wow, what a bunch of idiots. I can really imagine your stress upon hearing this.

Bloody hell, you only have to watch some "Locked Up Abroad" episodes (I presume you can find it on Youtube, here it's on telly - not UK), absolutely chilling.

I would downright refuse that holiday. Fuck the money.

And I'd tell the PILs. You owe it to them. This is a very toxic situation for all of you and it needs sorting - let the shit hit the fan and deal with the fallout.
If it was my family and they refused to speak to me ever again, so be it. I will not have my safety and that of my family compromised by a bunch of insane idiots.