Would you be peeved off with this or am I being unreasonable

[kazza446]

I am a mum of 4, work full time. I am classed as a key worker. Husband was furloughed during most of lockdown but has now returned to work.

My brother has a son, who usually lives with his mum, Monday to Friday. My brother usually cares for him at the weekend. His mum is also a keyworker. His mum refused to access school child care during term time and opted to keep him at home or request my brother took leave. Brother complained at having to use leave to look after his child. He asked to be furloughed but his work refused. As soon as government introduced bubbles, my brother and ex girlfriend took my nephew to stay at my mums, (an hour and half drive away). I spoke with childs mum and explained my mum is physically unfit to look after child full time. She agreed they wouldn’t take advantage of my mum. Said child has now been left at my mums full time since 30th May and has not been home.

Just before schools broke up for summer, I text his mum asking if she had any holidays planned. I wanted to arrange for my kids to go to see their grandparents. We are an hour away. I explained I was also now struggling for childcare and asked if there was any time she was taking her son home. (My mum has already said my brother couldn’t get any holidays in the school holidays as all leave had been booked up.) I explained I could work around her and I would only need my mum for 2 days max.

We are now mid August, mother of child has made no arrangements to have her son back. I have arranged childcare elsewhere and booked out all my leave. Additionally my Mother knows I am having to leave my kids alone for long periods of time while I work. I have explained the predicament I am in and explained it is illegal for my children to stay at her house whilst nephew is there but she doesn’t see the fuss. I am therefore left unsupported and my children don’t get to spend time with their grandparents. Would you be miffed?? Kids are desperate to go and see them which I’ve relayed but my mum just says I’m being awkward in not letting them go and stay at same time as nephew. We have now fallen out over whole debacle as I said my children were being treated as a lower priority. Feeling somewhat miffed!!

Just let your kids go and see their nana and cousin and stop being weird about it.
Hth

Given the job you do, your Mum's potential vulnerability (from your recent replies) and the fact you're now saying that you've been in a potential covid environment....I think it would be irresponsible to invite them to your home - even in the garden.

I think the fact that your nephew has been abandoned by his parents is a reason to contact SS. Are they even giving your mum any money, like the child benefit? Your mum is probably allowing it, because she feels he's better off with her, than with parents who don't care about him.

But as PPs say, he is part of your mum's household now, so it's fine for you and your kids to visit while he's there.

I wonder what your mom thinks about all of this, has anyone bothered to ask her? She might need a bloody break from it all tbh, and OP it's not mid-August - just get a childminder for the younger two and have your mom over for a couple of nights give her a break.

Your poor mum. She’s in bad health and has had a small child essentially abandoned to live with her since May. Then her daughter is giving her grief because she won’t kick out her grandchild to provide childcare for 4 children.

Pretty sure OP’s mother is very happy to be playing the young mother while congratulating herself on what a good parent she is compared to OP’s brother and his wife - who are encouraging this. The last thing she wants is to be a grandmother.