To think I should be able to go to the supermarket

[cocavino]

Disclaimer: this came up as a side issue in another of my threads. Have name changed for this.

Here are the main points:

1. My husband and I have an au pair whom he hates. He thinks she is lazy and he has decided she should be planning and cooking all our meals even though that's not part of her job description.

1. I normally do meal planning and shopping. My husband is trying to make me stop this.

1. I have been doing driving lessons for a month across town (long story) and I have not been at home as much as would be ideal. This means I am not seeing my 2 year old quite as much as I would like. My husband is very angry with me for doing anything he views as extra (like food shopping) because he thinks I am neglecting my daughter. (I still put her to bed every night and spend part of Saturday and all day Sunday with her - plus this is a temporary situation until after my exam in 2 weeks)

1. If my husband even hears about me going into the supermarket to use the toilet after my driving lesson, he becomes extremely angry. He will menacingly say "you know that you don't have time for that." In effect, I feel that he has prohibited me from even entering a supermarket.

He says that he wants to make good use of the au pair and I am basically wasting the money we are spending on her. He says that he is justified in stopping me from food shopping and cooking because I'm such a neglectful mother now and my daughter needs me. He also says he hasn't really forbidden me from going to the supermarket because he hasn't actually said those words.

AIBU to find his behaviour weird and controlling? Is there any justification for his behaviour?

[marfisa]

Aveisenim is right. The OP was attacked on other threads. Messages were deleted by MN for violating talk guidelines.

[blooshoo]

I kind of agree with the partner actually. No one wants a nanny raising your kid. Even if you want it work it's still someone else having more time woth the kid than you do.

[wifflewafflebiscuit]

I think that trying to negotiate with him to avoid court will cost you more in the long run. Money, time, stress, unhappiness. Let the SHL do everything. He'll just try to manipulate the whole process, gaslight you, confuse you and and do every sneaky thing he can do to "win "

[Catmaiden]

Avisemim, I reported your post and it and mine have now been deleted

[cocavino]

@wifflewafflebiscuit This is basically a last ditch effort to save money and time. I really want to agree a settlement so my daughter and I can move to a nice place and plan to apply for schools . . . but if he won't engage, we will be applying for schools in my current lovely area (with great schools) and then he will have to deal with DD going to school there forever.

I've given him a time limit to respond to my reasonable divorce settlement proposal which I absolutely will adhere to. After that, it will go to expensive divorce proceedings. This will be difficult for me, but I'll do what's necessary to protect my and DD's interests.

As for the dispute on this thread, I really do appreciate the supportive posters who have been helping me for so long

I know I make mistakes, but I assure everyone else that I have DD's best interests at heart at all times.

[Catmaiden]

@cocavino, that's a great update . Best wishes with your plan, I really hope you get the outcome you want, after such a long struggle . Best wishes to you and DD. And before any of the nasty nay sayers start to snipe, I really do mean that.
Best wishes and hugs xxx

[bimblingonagain]

@cocavina sounds like a good plan. Fingers crossed he realises that not agreeing to your proposal is likely to cost him more in the long run, plus then you will be settled in the area you are in now.

[crikeycrumbsblimey]

@cocavino
You brave brilliant woman - this must have been so hard xx

[contrary13]

"I know I make mistakes, but I assure everyone else that I have DD's best interests at heart at all times."

My daughter - who doesn't have children - said something this morning, which resonated with me, especially have just read your statement above, coca. EVERY parent makes mistakes. We ALL screw up from time to time. Sometimes we bury our head in the sand, and assume that others - who are merely trying to help - are attacking us. Sometimes, we charge in to "fix" things in our children's lives which... don't necessarily need our input (friend issues at school, f'example). As long as our children know they are loved, that we genuinely have - as you say - their very best interests at heart, and that if push comes to shove, we will protect them even against their other parent - it all turns out as okay as any relationship can.

I'm glad you and your little one seem to be coping a lot better. And I can assure you, that despite another poster's weird notion that she knows the intent of my posts "on the other place", I was not attacking you. I was simply frustrated because you didn't seem to be listening to anything that a LOT of us - not just me and @Catmaiden - were saying to you. But that's water under the proverbial now, I'm sure.

[contrary13]

*having

Honestly, I can write cohesively. Must be the awful heat...

[ilikebooksandplants]

OP, pass your test and drive yourself, your daughter and your au pair far far away from this idiot.

(Or run him over!)

[DuncinToffee]

ilikebooksandplants she has left him and is divorcing him but sadly escaping his continuing abuse is a lot harder.

Running him over and the likes have been suggested before

Keep going cocavino