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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have personally ever doubted the sex you were born into

238 replies

Chantelli · 02/08/2020 20:51

Just that
Yabu - of course my gender and sex have always been aligned
Yanbu - I've often felt as though I do not identify with my biological sex assigned at birth

OP posts:
letmethinkaboutitfornow · 02/08/2020 22:58

Women by sex and a lady by gender.

(Sometimes I wish I could get all of those advantages guys get though, but wouldn’t change my gender)

RiverMeadow · 02/08/2020 23:00

Absolutely not.

jessstan2 · 02/08/2020 23:02

No, never doubted.

Nottherealslimshady · 02/08/2020 23:02

Early in mine and DHs relationship I had doubts of myself. I'm not stereotypical. We discussed what it would mean for us and I felt able to consider my true self and the doubts went away. I feel comfortable in my gender and sexuality to not feel constrained but I don't feel the need to change anything.

Original poster
Chantelli · 02/08/2020 23:02

Thank you for all the very thoughtful and thought provoking replies... I didn't comment earlier because i didnt want to interupt the discussion. Its a fascinating insight for me - I like my biological sex, I enjoy pregnancy and periods and I enjoy being cyclical. I don't like how my gender is oppressed by the patriarchy. Can I refuse to be gendered as a woman despite feeling comfortable biologically?

OP posts:
Pepperwort · 02/08/2020 23:03

Well put @saltycat. We used to be told that you have to play the cards you’re given as well as you can. Until certain groups of men decided otherwise, obv.

LockdownLump · 02/08/2020 23:03

This issue is really boring, but is being driven by the usual cohort

I do not mean to offend anyone, but honestly in the grand scheme of things it really is not something that should affect the Nation

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

When I was a teenager, I had my hair cut short and wore pants for school.

It was called a 'tomboy' when I was younger.

I didn't think I wanted to be a boy. I was fighting against the stereotypes.

I am a hetrosexual married woman with a child.

My daughter is exactly repeating what I done when I was 14, but she's 11.

She knows she's a female fighting against stereotypes. Not on purpose. She's a lazy bugger and CBA with tats in her hair. She prefers to wear trousers for school because they're far more comfortable for her.

I don't wear make up every day. rarely shave. Wear jeans.

I know I'm a woman.

These stereotypes need to just fuck off and the world would be a more harmonious place if everyone could just be who the hell they wanted to be and leave the labels!!

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 02/08/2020 23:04

No offence , but who the hell ENJOYS periods?!?

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 02/08/2020 23:04

I was SA as a child.

I wanted to be a boy but I don't know if that was because I thought I would escape the abuse that way. Wearing shorts and trousers made the SA more difficult for the man abusing me.

I didn't like the toys I was expected to play with. I resented the 'girl's' toys I was given as presents. I hated being made to look pretty with my hair and dresses. Brownies and Guides was shit in comparison to the exciting things Cubs and Scouts did.

I resent the fact I was given a nurse dressing up outfit and not the Dr one I'd asked for.

I hated when my breasts started forming. then hated the attention they get. It took a long time for me to start feeling my body wasn't wrong - but I never wanted to have a male body. I just didn't like puberty changes.

I fought hard to get transferred to the Metalwork and woodwork groups instead of Sewing and Knitting groups that the girls were automatically segregated into. I didn't really care about metalwork or woodwork but I wanted the choice.

I've had a few bad experiences with men and find them mostly a let down. I have hope but I've lost my respect for many of them.

I like women better but have no sexual attraction to them. I don't find most men that attractive anymore.

I think men have it easier in a lot of ways but I wouldn't want to be one. I am curious about how it would be like to have a penis but I don't want a penis. I have no interest in using a strap on with a man but get turned on more by m/m porn.

I like my curves and enjoyed being pregnant and motherhood.

Idontbelieveit12 · 02/08/2020 23:04

I often joke that I was meant to be a man because I’m rubbish at everything “girlie”. Good job my husband is better at housework and packing for holidays than I am Grin

itsaratrap · 02/08/2020 23:04

You’re not the least unreasonable to ask. But no, I have never questioned it.

Sorka · 02/08/2020 23:05

I am a woman. I was born a woman and that is who I am. Women, and men, cover the whole spectrum of interests, passions and feelings. I reject any suggestion that females must be into pink and butterflies and males must be into cars and sport, and that having different interests based on out-dated stereotypes changes gender.

Women exist. We do not disappear if we have stereotypical male interests. Men with feminine interests are not women. Many of the arguments being made about gender identity concern me because they say you can only be a man or a woman if you tick certain boxes.

When I was young I had a Tom boy phase where I played with cars. A couple of years later and I became very girly. I worry about what would happen to Tom boys in the present climate. Would mermaids have come to my school and said I was a boy born in the wrong body? Would I have been drugged to stop me changing from a girl into a woman? Could my parents have stopped it? All deeply troubling.

LockdownLump · 02/08/2020 23:06

Can I refuse to be gendered as a woman despite feeling comfortable biologically?

Well that depends if you believe whether or not gender is a social construct, which I do.

Why do you feel the need to label yourself? Can you just not be you and be comfortable with that?

ShawshanksRedemption · 02/08/2020 23:07

Sex - Female
Gender - reject stereotypes, I'm just me

However I have dreamt of being male and enjoyed that, mainly because of the feeling of being seen as male by society and my imagination playing into what that experience would be like!

Devlesko · 02/08/2020 23:07

I personally think that the word identify is the problem, not just with the subject of gender but roles and everything life has to offer.
What's wrong with just being you, you are an individual and don't need a label.

To answer your question I did think about it as a teen, but only normal questions I thought I'd grown out of being a tom boy so must want to be a boy/ man.

Stripesgalore · 02/08/2020 23:08

‘Can I refuse to be gendered as a woman despite feeling comfortable biologically?‘

No. Because gender is imposed on women as a group. You can’t individually opt out.

AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore · 02/08/2020 23:10

As others have said: I never doubted my sex: although I have absolutely rebelled against the expectations and constraints of gender from childhood onwards, as well as the frustrations of being stuck with a female biology. To imagine that I wasn't actually female through all of those frustrations would be a denial of the reality that my body constantly reminds me of....

EmbarrassedUser · 02/08/2020 23:11

Nope, I love being a woman and would never want to be a man. Sorry to lower the tone but I’d love to know how it feels to have sex as a man, just curiosity really 😂

saltycat · 02/08/2020 23:12

Male domination into a female world. Think about it.

Not so easy for females to do the same is it?

theBelgranoSisters · 02/08/2020 23:15

hmm ive never even considered it OP-its just not something that ever comes into my head .. guess that indicates just really happy/comfortable in my woman body so didn't know what the U/NU would be but you have my 2 cents worth ; )

notasportymum · 02/08/2020 23:19

doubted it? no, I’m biologically female. it would be like doubting that water is wet or doubting that bears do indeed shit in the woods.

assigned - no sex is observed not assigned. that’s nonsense.

gender alignment - load of navel gazing arse biscuit codswallop.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/08/2020 23:24

To ask if I've ever doubted the sex I was born as is like asking if I doubt that my age equals the number of years I've been alive or that my height is 5'". It's a simple, immutable fact.

I don't fit all the 'feminine' gender stereotypes but that's a problem with them existing, not me.

FirelighterGirl · 02/08/2020 23:24

I never felt the need to be a boy at any point HOWEVER I was most confused about what was expected of me from others. I think my parents and particular my father wanted me to be a boy to replace a deceased male relative.

Unisex name, short hair, got given 'boys' presents (things were different in the 70s). I've never felt pretty and feminine and no one told me I was pretty (I know it's not everything but it matters to a girl in horrible family set up) until I was 13 - when I was complimented on my appearance by a random neighbour of my mother's friend at a Christmas party (non creepy!)
I've heard heard that or similar compliments from anyone in my family ever. I was told the opposite by my sibling repeatedly and it wasn't corrected or neutralised...

Now I'm much older and still struggle to be feminine but that's what I want to be. I'm potentially gay but can't get my head around it as a proportion of lesbians are, and the stereotype is, the androgenous look and I DO NOT WANT to be that and that's not what I find attractive.

Not sure what went on or is going on.. psychologically screwed - I think utterly confused tbh but I'm v sure I want to be female as I was born and not male.

Zisforstripyoss · 02/08/2020 23:27

I'm deliberately not RTFT but the answer to your question from me, OP, is no, never.

RunningFromInsanity · 02/08/2020 23:29

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

No offence , but who the hell ENJOYS periods?!?
Me, because it means I’m not pregnant Grin