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AIBU?

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Original poster

Buying best friends house

90 replies

Trashtara · 01/08/2020 20:01

My best friend is going through a divorce and needs to sell her house. She owns it (with a mortgage) but can't afford to live in it without her DH. They've no kids. She's definitely selling it, me me made up etc etc.

She's had valuations and settled on a price. And offered it to us. I love her house, always have. It's absolutely perfect for us and we can afford it. We haven't yet put ours on the market but it would sell fairly quickly.

Are there downsides to buying a house off a close friend? I know the house like the back of my hand, I know all the things wrong with it, I helped her decipher the survey when she bought it and I know the work she's done on it, so wouldn't bother with a survey.

I can't help thinking it's not the done thing though!

AIBU buying it?

OP posts:
howfarwevecome · 01/08/2020 20:48

I think because she has to sell the house is what might make moving forward as friends tricky.

It's not like she's moving on to bigger and better things ... she's being forced to downsize ... can you both cope if you're perceived to be benefiting by her loss?

Original poster
Trashtara · 01/08/2020 20:49

won't your mortgage lender require a new survey? Just a valuation survey, not a full structural.

OP posts:
DENMAN03 · 01/08/2020 20:50

I bought a house off a friend. It worked perfectly with no issues.

iolaus · 01/08/2020 20:50

Don't do it

Moving into someone's home when they will likely visit when its your home is just asking for trouble, little comments about the decor, or 'when we did x' etc it will never 100% feel like your home

mimbleandlittlemy · 01/08/2020 20:52

My mother always says never buy anything from a best friend as the first time anything goes wrong they will no longer be friends. Friend bought her house from best friend and they no longer speak to each other.

Don’t do it!

Mwnci123 · 01/08/2020 20:55

I sold my house to my best friend, though the situation was probably less complicated as we were just moving somewhere bigger. I was worried about something going wrong as she is so dear to me, for example if she felt disappointed in the house when she was in it. I tried to tell her everything bad I could think of so that she was fully informed, but there were some little idiosyncrasies I forgot to mention. Anyway, it completed about two years ago and we are both very happy and close friends still. I'm really pleased we did it, as it worked well for us both. I love seeing what she's done with the place. I think the main thing is to be totally open with each other.

DopamineHits · 01/08/2020 20:58

Would you be okay with her having an ongoing emotional attachment to the house, and offering opinions on what you're doing to it?

House buying can be stressful at the best of times. It'd worth asking whether you'd rather keep the friend or buy her house, and proceed on that basis!

Albless · 01/08/2020 21:09

I live and work in a village where people pretty much all know each other, and whenever a house comes up for sale it’s usually bought by someone who already lives in the village, or who was brought up here. Hasn’t caused any problems that I’m aware of.

TatianaBis · 01/08/2020 21:10

Who are all these snowflakes who can’t cope with a friend saying ‘I preferred the pink’.

My parents bought their house from friends in 1975 (who were also divorcing) and they’re still friends 45 years later.

DianasLasso · 01/08/2020 21:15

I did it.

Over 10 years later, it's been fine. (Though there was one major problem that emerged later which I still pull her leg about).

We used to have bizarre conversations during the purchase process though (we kind of stumbled into it because I was renting from her when she moved in with the guy she later married) - "Your solicitor wants my solicitor to tell him what the utility bills are, so can you let me know, so that I can let her know, so she can tell him, so he can tell you what you told us all in the first place..."

Jonoula · 01/08/2020 21:20

You have to decide between the friend and the house. I don’t think you can have both. Sorry.

BertiesLanding · 01/08/2020 21:21

My bestie bought my house off me. It was a trouble-free transaction.

AntoinetteOuradi · 01/08/2020 21:22

@Jonoula

You have to decide between the friend and the house. I don’t think you can have both. Sorry.
What nonsense. You would have to be very, very precious and a bit odd to be anything other than glad that your lovely friend was buying your lovely house.
blardiblabla · 01/08/2020 21:22

@VinylDetective

Sounds good for everyone. You’ll have to have a survey for a mortgage anyway. I’d let her have all the saving on agents’ fees though.
What Vinyl said. At the very least, get a full survey, 100%.
FATEdestiny · 01/08/2020 21:23

My Mum and I bought each other's houses.

She was looking to downsize after my Dad died. DH and I were looking to upsize because DC2 was due. Mum bought my and DH's first home, we bought the family home I grew up in from my Mum.

Was great!

We got 3 valuations and agreed to pay the middle valuation, no estate agents. We also could do the process of moving gradually rather than a chaotic day.

No issues with the fact both houses have changed over the 14 years we've been here - and both houses have been decorated and changed significantly.

We just had the compulsory valuations, nothing more needed because we both knew the houses inside out.

It's lovely that I know the full history of the house. Mum lived here since 1953. I know the history of the plants in the garden - the peony bought from Chelsea in 1977, the tree planted from a sprouting pinecone found in the on their honeymoon in the Cotswolds in 1967, the snow drops that came from my grandfathers farm etc.

I also know all of the neighbours and have known most since I was a child. I know their children and their families.

I love that I bought a house I knew so well.

UnaCorda · 01/08/2020 21:25

Are there downsides to buying a house off a close friend? I know the house like the back of my hand, I know all the things wrong with it, I helped her decipher the survey when she bought it and I know the work she's done on it, so wouldn't bother with a survey.

Shock Get a survey done!!

You don't necessarily know all the things wrong with it, just because you've visited a lot.

DianasLasso · 01/08/2020 21:26

We got 3 valuations and agreed to pay the middle valuation, no estate agents. We also could do the process of moving gradually rather than a chaotic day.

That's what my mate and I did. Quickest negotiation ever. Over coffee one day, took us about 2 minutes. We had the three quotes, she said "I was thinking X thousand", I said "Funny, so was I," and that was it.

I think the key is to remember that no house is perfect, and no survey picks everything up, and not to hold that against them if something later emerges that needs money spent on it, because frankly, that is going to happen with any house you buy.

Shizzlestix · 01/08/2020 21:32

Depends how she’d feel coming round.

If you do buy it, leave it strictly to the solicitor/EA to deal with everything, keep it totally professional.

CaptainNelson · 01/08/2020 21:33

I don't see why you shouldn't go ahead with this. We sold our house to a friend, and I couldn't care less what they've done or haven't done with it since.
However, since she's your best friend, I would suggest that you have a frank conversation with her about what the implications might be, especially when you start redecorating/refurbishing things that she likes. Plus I'd agree with PPs about getting a survey, unless the survey you saw was done within the past few years (like 2-3).

Gogogadgetarms · 01/08/2020 21:39

It’s a bit like men right? There’s so many out there you don’t need to date one of your friends exes. No matter how much you like them.
No way would I buy the house she is losing because of her divorce. No matter how ok she seemed about it.

Original poster
Trashtara · 01/08/2020 21:41

We've bought and sold lots of houses. I've only once found a survey useful (and we didn't buy the house because of it). I read the survey she got 3 years ago. It was pretty bad! But it's a project house so that's not a surprise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trashtara · 01/08/2020 21:44

Shizzlestix no estate agents involved. Solicitors only.

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 01/08/2020 21:44

Shame as you like the house but no I wouldn't, too much could go wrong and I can't see how it wouldn't be very strange. She's not leaving through choice really is she, to have you go in and change or 'improve' 'her' family house would be difficult and awkward.

Visiting would be strange, I think there will always be a sense of ownership on her part and with the best will in the world and the best disposition I just can't see how it would work. I expect she is thinking in the moment she wants the house to go to you because it keeps it a bit closer to her, and that is favourable that casting a loved family home off to strangers. Heart over head and all that.

As an aside OP, no way would I buy a house sans survey. Knowing what she did to it is really not even close to having a surveyor assess potential pitfalls or problems. Given the small cost of bringing one in, it seems pointless to not to make some sort of gesture. It is a serious legal exchange of property not some casual sale of a pair of shoes she no longer wears that you took a shine to.

sst1234 · 01/08/2020 21:50

If she sells at market value and you buy at market value then it’s a straight forward business transaction. Go for it.

EggBoxes · 01/08/2020 22:20

Though there was one major problem that emerged later which I still pull her leg about

I read this and wondered how funny your friend finds this leg pulling, years later.