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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge an 18 year old keep?

70 replies

AnneTwackie · 01/08/2020 13:07

We are not wealthy and both work full time. DD has managed to get two part time jobs, mainly to save up spending money for her gap year starting in Jan. The trip is paid for by her wealthy dad. We are thinking of asking for 15% of her earnings (I thought 10, my husband thought 20%) capped at £100 pm. What do you think?

OP posts:
Wattagoose90 · 01/08/2020 13:11

Instills good values to pay your way when able to. Helps to teach budgeting etc.

My parents were very generous unbeknownst to me and saved my keep money. When I bought a house they gifted me back the money to go towards my house deposit. Not suggesting you do this by the way, 18 year old are expensive! Lovely gesture though.

SpanishPork · 01/08/2020 13:15

I think YABVU to be quite frank. She is 18 years old and will need to save money for her trip. It would be different if she was working full time in a well-paid graduate role, but I can’t imagine she’ll be raking it in.

BitOfFun · 01/08/2020 13:18

There's quite a lively discussion from yesterday still going on about this topic, if you want to read it too.

Original poster
AnneTwackie · 01/08/2020 13:20

Hence taking a percentage of her earnings not a set amount @SpanishPork, thanks will take a look at the other thread now!

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/08/2020 13:22

I’d not be taking anything of her but I disagree with charging children to live in their own home just because they turn 18.

I’d want her to have to have an amazing gap year so would be assisting that.

NameChange84 · 01/08/2020 13:24

I wouldn’t dream of it to be honest. Has she just finished full time education? If she was a bit older and could otherwise live somewhere else fair enough. If you can afford to go without her contribution whilst she’s away in January, what difference does it make? Or if you can’t afford to go without then what will you do to make up the shortfall whilst she’s away?

By all means if she’s expecting you to pay for her stuff (I.e mobile phone, Netflix etc) then get her to take responsibility for those. But the rest of your bills, mortgage, council tax etc will need paid regardless of whether she is there or not.

Chloemol · 01/08/2020 13:40

I wouldn’t do it if she intends travelling in January. I would do it if she was working and not at school or uni

KorkMum · 01/08/2020 13:44

Omg my 1 parent family was taking 50% of my wages when I got my job at 16 I got £400pm and had to give £200 for rent and food. £100pm for a working 18 year old to me, is laughable. But it's very kind of you and I may well be the same when mine are big. Just doesnt sound much at all.

Fairybio · 01/08/2020 13:46

I wouldn't charge anything for a gap year.

KorkMum · 01/08/2020 13:47

My wages obviously went up when I was at home I think at 18 I was only getting just over £800pm so mum took £400. She didnt save it or anything it was for rent / Bills/ food

catlovingdoctor · 01/08/2020 13:48

It's never been harder to be a young person. Insanely high tuition fees, absurd property prices, extreme competition for entry level jobs. Let her keep her pennies.

gk6277 · 01/08/2020 21:00

She is an adult now. She needs to appreciate that she now needs to pay her way and budget. I would charge keep; I might put it aside and give her say 50% back, as a surprise, if she were to handle that she pays her way and helps out in the house and behave as an adult well. Personally I think £100 is a bit low, I think at least £30 pw is realistic. Doing this will help her appreciate the value of money you have worked for, and she will budget better during her gap year because if this

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/08/2020 21:04

I would expect her to be pitching in with all the household chores but docking her wages seems pretty mean.

Deedoubleyou · 02/08/2020 13:31

The reactions on here really surprise me, I definitely don't think yabu to ask her to contribute a small amount of her wages to her keep. When I got my first job at 15 I started paying keep, and the earlier you learn that nothing is free in life the better, imo. My daughter is only 10 just now, but I when she gets older I would expect to her contribute to the household if not in full time education.

Fairybio · 02/08/2020 14:20

Whereas I am astonished that people would expect their children to pay their wages towards household expenses before they have finished their education. And even then, just a token amount. They are family members, not tenants!

JaneJack23 · 02/08/2020 20:16

I wouldn't!

What do you plan on doing with your daughter's money?

kerkyra · 02/08/2020 20:59

I think so.
My son got a full time job on minimum wage last year after college and brings in a thousand pounds a month. I asked for 150 a month and showed him my bills and food shop.
He has asked me to drop it to 120 for now on as he wants to buy his breakfast and lunch and have a shelf in the fridge for all his protein bits like chicken and trays of eggs!
He runs his car by himself,pays his own insurance and has become very independent,reliable and punctual at work and is realising you have to work for things and is never resentful towards me.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/08/2020 21:04

I wouldn’t.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 02/08/2020 21:08

I had to pay my parents for my keep when I started working at 18 and I'll be asking the same of my ds when he's an adult too.

cologne4711 · 02/08/2020 21:11

Would you take 15% of job seekers' allowance? It does seem like you are punishing her for getting jobs (she's been very enterprising and very lucky to get jobs in the current climate). I think not. It's different when eg you have a decent full time summer job. When I was earning about £150 a week my mum asked for £25 of it which I didn't begrudge (and I didn't get it back - well I did as she bought me things over the years but she didn't save it for me per se).

SnackSizeRaisin · 02/08/2020 21:15

Presumably she has finished school and is just working now? If so I think it's fine to charge her what it costs to keep her, so mobile phone plus food. I would only do this if I actually needed the money though. Otherwise I would start charging her something after the gap year.

okiedokieme · 02/08/2020 21:19

I didn't charge rent but insisted 50% of wages were saved for university (any trips had to be saved out of the other 50%)

crimsonlake · 02/08/2020 21:23

She has taken on 2 jobs to enable her to save more towards her gap year and you want to take a percentage of it away from her? How about also enabling her by not charging her to live in her own home?

Eeeeeeeok · 02/08/2020 21:23

@KorkMum so just because it happened to you and you were charged lots do you think evey just turned adult child should experience this? I find that kind of thinking quite mean spirited. It's like well I had it tough so should you. Rather thank thinking about what might help your children have the bed start in life. Travelling is part of social capital which increases social mobility so does come under getting the best start.

gromberry · 02/08/2020 21:24

I think it's quite nasty of you to even consider it. She's 18 years old, she's working hard and saving up money. She is your daughter, don't be so grabby