To charge an 18 year old keep?

[AnneTwackie]

We are not wealthy and both work full time. DD has managed to get two part time jobs, mainly to save up spending money for her gap year starting in Jan. The trip is paid for by her wealthy dad. We are thinking of asking for 15% of her earnings (I thought 10, my husband thought 20%) capped at £100 pm. What do you think?

I have an 18 year old, I don't ask anything from him, only to help with cutting grass and other jobs that need doing.

At their age they will need every penny for their future.

I do find this concept of charging children once they are 18 bizzare. It's not as if at 18 you are suddenly handed a well paying job. You chose to have children. Did you think your responsibility to them would end once they turned 18? Add in education getting more expensive, housing getting more expensive and the global crisis caused by the pandemic. It is not an easy time to be emerging into adulthood. I feel like every generation thinks it is the same as when they were that age.

I definitely would OP. I started paying "board" from the age of 16 when I got my first job. It taught me so much about money and responsibility.

I would totally be asking the same of my own DS who is now 15 if were to ever have a job which is unlikely to ever happen.

Not at 18.

So when they leave And realise what things cost they’ll know what things cost no they’ll be bitching at their parent for not taking keep and sorting out a budget.

I think some posters are deluded

Yanbu! If she's not in education, then of course she should be contributing.
Max £100 a month is a bargain. Does that cover the cost of her living with you?

I took a gap year and paid rent, I didn't think my mother was unreasonable.

I can only think that those of you who wouldn't charge are doing ok financially. I get tax credits and wtc for my children. When they stop I'll struggle to afford where we live on my income so if they want to keep a roof over their heads they'll need to chip in. If they object and move out I will be able to downsize.

By the way her Jobs are for her gap year not education.

Not many have that luxury.

To those posters saying the OP is being grabby, the DD is going on an extended holiday, not saving up for a property or to pay her way through uni

I see working whilst still a student as their money including gap year. I wouldn’t charge anything until they started working full time. At present I would be able to put aside the money for them. I am in a position luckily to do this. My parents charged but in reality they needed to. I still gave them money when I left home, having to pay rent certainly speeded up my moving out.

No. Not at all. I really would not do this as 18. She is likely to be (justifiably) resentful. It is telling that your DH wanted to charge her 20 per cent and you settled on a figure to appease him. Really at 18 you should be looking at ways you can still support her. If that is not possible then at least leave her to reap the rewards of her own labour.

I have a daughter the same age. Your post makes me quite sad for your daughter.

@Fairybio

Whereas I am astonished that people would expect their children to pay their wages towards household expenses before they have finished their education. And even then, just a token amount. They are family members, not tenants!

I very much agree with this ^^ I didn't start paying my keep until I started working full time.

But the OP states that they are not wealthy. As I said I would struggle if I had a young adult living at home not contributing. Maybe they would be struggling too?

I think it's fine and good to charge over 18s a nominal rent, but I think they need to be warned of this in advance, not have it sprung on them suddenly. If I were you I'd tell her now that you'll start charging a % of income when she turns 19.

Yabvu That’s your Daughter saving up for a trip and your really going to take money from her? No chance I’d be helping her save if anything.

Fucking hell I feel terrible now
My DS is still on furlough on around £550 a month . I charge him £20 a week.. he has all food cooked , clothes washed, dried and ironed , bedding washed and ironed , and access to Netflix if he chooses,

I feel like a grabby cunt
Thanks
Btw when hes proper working and gets around £800 a month we charge him £50 A week
I figure my DH and both work stressful jobs , me very unsocial
Call.it an excuse but why shouldn't he appreciates where he lives
He'll be damned to get cheaper elsewhere
We are not struggling but we have both worked since around 13 years old ... my other DS (1) sat around doing fuck all spent his dole money on weed and we carried him for years whilst we got up up early finished late and he sat on the xbox with all privileges
Fuck that

They are not children they are adults

So if they never get a job you carry them yeah right when’s the cut date for that mmmm

In real life you charge rent unless your all high earners which I call bull on. Not everyone is earning 50-100K ffs.

Plus ds (2) moans when I ask him to push a vaccum cleaner round the stairs twice a week .. yes twice a week because I'm a slovenly slattern and I work 40+ hours a week some weeks and that's all I ask of him as well as trying to cook for my 12 year old and clean etc

@TurkeySwizzler

Plus ds (2) moans when I ask him to push a vaccum cleaner round the stairs twice a week .. yes twice a week because I'm a slovenly slattern and I work 40+ hours a week some weeks and that's all I ask of him as well as trying to cook for my 12 year old and clean etc

I get this too so I now don’t ask it gets done when I can be arsed she moans about the dust so I go there’s the hoover do it yourself she doesn’t. So feel your pain

I think people are forgetting the op has probably just lost child benefits & possibly other money now her adult child is no longer in education. Money doesn’t grown on trees. I think 15% is reasonable

Absolutely not. I won’t ask for anything until he starts a full time job post graduation

@catlovingdoctor

It's never been harder to be a young person. Insanely high tuition fees, absurd property prices, extreme competition for entry level jobs. Let her keep her pennies.

This

I have to agree with other posts that say it’s mean spirited, although if things are really tight perhaps she could contribute by doing a grocery shop now and again?

It depends on whether your financial circumstances have changed and whether you now need money from her for basics like food.

I would feel shit in her position having to pay, unless it was necessary to make ends meet (for example you lost child benefit and need it to feed her). I would feel like it wasn't home any longer, unless you are indeed in the situation of not being able to afford the shopping/bills.

Do you need the money?

I think it's a good lesson to learn, helps them to learn how to budget. But if you didn't need the money it could be given back to her as a lumper when she's ready to go off on her adventures.

Win win then.