To think that you should offer to tidy up...

[loveacryolophosaurus]

After a toddler play date?

Relative nearby has a 2 year old. I have a 2 & 3 year old. We meet up regularly for the dcs to play.

I must add that we always meet here. Relative is a bit funny about paying for parking anywhere and they always go on about how their dc loves coming here as we have a lot of fun things to do shit in the garden.

They visited again today and I'm feeling increasingly pissed off that yet again they don't offer to help tidy away the shit that their dc has pulled out of everywhere. Appreciate it's normal toddler behaviour and I'm pleased they are having fun but who just says "bye then, catch up soon" and fucks off? I always make dc help me tidy up at home or elsewhere.

I'm looking at the garden and they have even left rubbish from snacks they brought with them, their half eaten sandwiches chucked on the floor, shit everywhere.

AIBU here? I'm extremely sleep deprived at the moment so I realise I'm possibly being more grumpy than usual and pissed off that it's one more thing to do this evening.

If it bothers you, ASK them to help out tidying.

Best bet is to ask them to help tidy. When we have play dates here (my dd is 3) and things are wrapping up I say "right kids let's put everything back in the box / cupboard, let's see who can tidy the quickest." It seems to work for us.

You need to say something. No point silently seething while tackling the shit by yourself!

“Right, time to tidy up now, here’s a bag, let’s put all the rubbish in it and put the toys back in their places” then make them do it.

You don’t always have to host either. So what she doesn’t like paying for parking? You don’t like being de facto host. Suggest meeting in a park and hope she has enough shame to clear up after her kids if it’s a public place.

Oh I had this when my DC were young

Tell them it's their turn for the next few times and go trash their house

Also , call the parents out on it. "You need to clear up after little Rosie she has dropped her food and wrappers all over the garden. You clear rubbish up in garden whilst I start on the toys they left out in lounge, shouldn't take us long before you go if we all do it "

They are CF to leave your house & garden in that state and then leave without tidying

Maybe relative thinks that just because they are going home it doesn't mean that your children will be stopping playing with the toys that are out. Apart from the sandwiches, what other shit did she leave in the garden?

I know I'm being UR by not asking but surely it's very obvious, basic manners and I shouldn't have to.

This relative does have form, which I feel adds to my frustration.

I think in future I will just suggest meeting elsewhere so that I can come home to a tidy house after all the chaos!

Next time, I would say something like "can you pick up in the garden while I start on the kitchen?". You need to be direct about these things in my experience.

You shouldn’t have to ask, any reasonable person would do it without being asked.

While I think asking will be the quickest way to fix this, I dint think you should bloody well have to.

It’s Basic good manners to at least offer!

I don't even bother with the parents, I always ask the kids to do it.

Tidy up the toys before you go outside.

Ok you need to put the game away if you want to take something else out.

Are you done? The bin is there.

DD show x where the bin is.

X you have to help DD tidy before you go play.

And so on.

Some parents do say something, some don't but tbh I don't care, plus after a certain age parents drop and run anyways . If they want to come again they follow my rules. Funnily enough kids love coming over.

OH and I always tidy at other people's houses because it bugs ME.

Next time they want to meet up just be honest ' I'd prefer to meet at the park, my place is always left in such a mess it stresses me out'.

I whole heartedly she with 'come on DC tidy up time, who can find all the Lego first' etc. It's unlikely she'll sit and watch you and the children tidy without helping and if she does she's a CF.l
I offered last weekend when we visited a friend and DS was playing in their garden with their children. It was getting closer to leaving time and I said to DS 'ok you can't start putting things away now, not getting more out', our host said 'oh don't worry our DC will have it all back out in five minutes if you tidy now, I'll get them to help do it before dinner'. So perhaps she thinks the toys should be left out. The rubbish and food there's no excuse.

Just start saying "right let's all get tidied before ready for relative going home"

Just say you’ll meet elsewhere in future as it took so long to tidy up last time. She’s a cf.

She likes coming to yours so her house is left nice and tidy.

Yeah you should definitely ask tell her to help tidy up especially as it's a recurring theme. Tbh the state your described me would about me enough to take a photo and send it to her with a "why do you think I should clear up your rubbish as well as my all the stuff that the children all played with? From now on you help tidy." type of message.

Tell them! "Tidy up time" in a loud voice works....or "you tidy up, I'll grab your coats"

I used to get this with a neighbour's child.
They'd happily empty out all the toys onto the floor, play and then bugger off home.
I got wise and ten minutes before they were due to leave, I'd announce 'it's tidy up time now'. Said child was astonished but complied!
If you don't know what time they're leaving, break it up - 'we need to tidy up outside before you come back in' or vice versa.
At least they'd have to clear up some of it.
If you're serious about shitting, inform the mother. If she doesn't get off her arse to sort it out, actually say to her 'aren't you going to clean it up then?'

YANBU about their own rubbish/food.

But YABU about the toys. Surely your child will just make a mess again afterwards anyway? I'd rather leave it till bedtime and supervise it all being done at once, correctly, than have someone else put it in the wrong places and have to do it all over again later anyway.

A lot of visitors do encourage their children to tidy up, but my daughter isn't co-operative anyway, so their child may end up doing it all if I don't stop them.

YABU I wouldn’t expect someone else to tidy my kids’ toys just because theirs also played with them

YNBU regarding leaving food and rubbish

Surely it doesn’t matter how it’s put away it shows the kids that they tidy up too

Oh God, I had this and it just got too much. I ended up meeting them elsewhere as it was crazy, it was taking practically a whole day to host these people

YANBU but as PPs have shown - it is easily sorted 10 mins before they leave