To think that you should offer to tidy up...

[loveacryolophosaurus]

After a toddler play date?

Relative nearby has a 2 year old. I have a 2 & 3 year old. We meet up regularly for the dcs to play.

I must add that we always meet here. Relative is a bit funny about paying for parking anywhere and they always go on about how their dc loves coming here as we have a lot of fun things to do shit in the garden.

They visited again today and I'm feeling increasingly pissed off that yet again they don't offer to help tidy away the shit that their dc has pulled out of everywhere. Appreciate it's normal toddler behaviour and I'm pleased they are having fun but who just says "bye then, catch up soon" and fucks off? I always make dc help me tidy up at home or elsewhere.

I'm looking at the garden and they have even left rubbish from snacks they brought with them, their half eaten sandwiches chucked on the floor, shit everywhere.

AIBU here? I'm extremely sleep deprived at the moment so I realise I'm possibly being more grumpy than usual and pissed off that it's one more thing to do this evening.

Food and wrappers etc they should definitely help out with! When I take DD on a play date (she’s 3) we do a bit of tidying before we leave, but in all honesty it’s mostly a token gesture.... I don’t know where the toys go so we just pick up a few obvious bits. I suppose if you’re doing regular play dates they should know where some things go.

When when have children here, I don’t expect them to tidy up before they go - I don’t think my DD would like it either! She wants to play with the toys on her own once guests have gone.

If it bothers you, ASK. As others have said, there are easy ways of bringing this up - just tell the kids it’s tidy time and give them something and tell them where it goes. Repeat. If they won’t cooperate and their mum doesn’t chivvy them, the you don’t make a big scene but you speak to her afterwards and explain that your house rules are that toys have to go away at the end of playtime. Your house, your rules. If she doesn’t get that, you suggest from now on you meet at a playground etc as otherwise the tidying up is too much for you.

"I know I'm being UR by not asking but surely it's very obvious, basic manners and I shouldn't have to"

Yes of course it is, but we will always be disappointed if we except people to think how we would be. Some people just don't think.

I would do as others suggest and tell the kids "right kids let's clean the mess it's time to tidy up" and hand the mum a bin bag or toy box saying to her child mummy can carry that for you as it's too heavy for you can you pick up the rubbish? That should be a big enough hint!

I’m with you, we have this with a set of friends and it drives me insane (they have been invited round less)

I had a friend who did this, the kids would come in and take everything in the playroom out and empty them into a large pile in the middle of the room - think every toy/ jigsaw / bit of Lego - it was like a toy tip ! (I had a 4 and 2 yr old who had lots of toys and the luxury of a playroom off the kitchen )
I would be left sorting it out for a good hour after they left. Tried lots of strategies
Having a game set up beforehand and a mental list of activities for the kids to do
Tried the 'let's tidy this one before we move to the next game'
Tried the 'right so everyone tidy up before you put your shoes on ' (ended up witj them all sitting observing me tidying then shoes on when I was finished !)

So eventually I just stopped being available for play dates.
The friendship ended badly as I didn't handle it well or address it directly I regret it

They don't have any manners. This is just basic stuff. Dont have them round again

I address this quickly usually in a way that makes me seem helpful.

When I see them finish a snack I quickly say, "oh good, the bin's just through there darling." as though I've noticed they'll need to throw their wrapper away and are clearly looking for somewhere to put it, right?

I also helpfully say to the mum similar things such as pointing them towards the toy box. "The toy box is fine for everything. We tend to keep all the toys in the same place".

And for non-grown up play dates my kids rules are the visiting kids rules and I try to direct them as if they were my own.

There's one kid though, aged 9 who pisses all over the toilet seat, floor and toilet side. It's like he doesn't even bother aiming. This has happened a few times and he has very clear instructions now that when needing the bathroom, he is to go to his grandad's house across the street because (and yep, I did say it to him directly something along the lines of I am not going to wiping up his piss again from all around my toilet and bathroom. It's disgusting and until he learns not to act like an animal he can pee all over his own family's house instead. (I was raging to be fair).
I also send every visiting child back into the bathroom with a "Did you flush? Are your hands washed?" Because I also don't want filthy bathroom hands all over my house. And I'm not even what you'd call house proud at all but I do have some standards.

She is 'funny' about paying for parking and the kids love coming to yours? Yeah I bet they do - its free entertainment for them at the end of which they walk away leaving the mess for you to clear up! Do you provide the food and drink as well?

The 'tidy up' routine often works but I woudn't have them round so much if they won't muck in and share the load. Take your own kids somewhere you want to go and it relative doesn't want to pay for parking then tough luck.