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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School in September

172 replies

Mumlookingforadvise · 31/07/2020 16:35

Hi all,

I have a girl who goes to a school in Wimbledon ( Year 4 ). I am thinking of not sending her to school in Sept due to the current situation around Coronavirus.

AIBU - to not send her to school
AIBNU - Your choice.

What are other parents thinking?

OP posts:
Koennt · 31/07/2020 18:16

OP, if you think your child's interests (not yours) are best served across the board by home educating her, then home educate her.

I would have some doubts about the wisdom of doing this when your child is, presumably, your only child. It sounds like PFB syndrome with knobs on.

If you really do think, though, that your child will thrive better socially, academically, emotionally and health-wise by not being at school, there is nothing to stop you doing that.

But how far can you take the anxiety about Covid? What if your daughter chokes on a sausage at home? What if she's "safe" with you, walking to the shops, and a car mounts the pavement?

You can do your best to keep your daughter safe, but whatever you do, there will be no guarantees. I'd send her to school.

Thelittleweasel · 31/07/2020 18:17

Unless things change we will be very reluctant to let DGC into the house.

"They get everything going" and DD is grateful to have had no infection since March

She can "continue" to home educate [perfectly legal]

@Mumlookingforadvise

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 31/07/2020 18:19

I dont really understand why you are asking AIBU? Youve clearly made your mind up to home school and you had that choice pre-covid anyway!
People have a right to homeschool their kids.

Do what you think is best for your child. However, I think if you do decide to take her out then you should relinquish that place for another child who does want to go. You are taking on the huge commitment so just make sure you do it properly.

Orchidsindoors · 31/07/2020 18:21

"The people dying aren't healthy children"

So you think they are somehow irrelevant? How obnoxious and hurtful of you.

Oaktree55 · 31/07/2020 18:23

You honestly think schooling will be normal schooling during this Pandemic? I honestly believe home education will be off a better standard in many cases. Subject teachers often won’t be teaching etc etc. It will be very disrupted schooling for some time. To not think this is naive.

Gurtcha · 31/07/2020 18:24

Nobody is saying that @Orchidsindoors but when you’re making a decision based on risk, it is a factor you have to take into consideration.

formerbabe · 31/07/2020 18:24

The people dying aren't healthy children

So you think they are somehow irrelevant? How obnoxious and hurtful of you

They're not irrelevant but it does mean that statistically they're less at risk.

DownstairsMixUp · 31/07/2020 18:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DownstairsMixUp · 31/07/2020 18:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Orchidsindoors · 31/07/2020 18:27

Nobody is saying that@Orchidsindoorsbut when you’re making a decision based on risk, it is a factor you have to take into consideration."
Yes you also have to take into account all the adults they come into contact with. And you should remember that not everyone on here has healthy children.

Mintychoc1 · 31/07/2020 18:28

Won’t she be sad when all her friends are having fun at school together?

stayathomer · 31/07/2020 18:29

I'm wondering about this too OP. I have 2 with horrendous asthma and they're out with coughs on and off every year. Last week the school had a socially distanced function and sent us a questionnaire to fill out before we went. It said if there'd been any temp, any cough in the last X hours not to go. So if a child coughs, they're going to be not allowed in or sent home. How can that work in winter when in general most kids have sniffles or little coughs? So just looking into home school to be sure

AtomicRabbit · 31/07/2020 18:29

If there was no coronavirus would you send your DD back to school next term?

Perhaps you've just found out that you enjoy home-schooling your DD and that's great.

A lot of people have made changes and the pandemic has made them wake up and realise we only have one life. If you think home-schooling is better, I'd save the fees and keep her at home. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I agree that one to one can make a huge difference. I've seen similar change in one of my DC.

DC will be going back next term though as I think socially I can't provide what a school provides, in terms of sports, arts, activities, general busy life of school. Initially DC was glad to be off but now DC said they are ready to go back. DC said wants to be around other kids their own age.

stayathomer · 31/07/2020 18:32

Also was thinking is the reason they havent seen many cases of kids in europe (US has a high number unfortunately) because we've kept children under lockdown? They haven't been in schools, shops etc during the worst of the pandemic so how do we know? (I'm not for or against btw, just trying to muddle through it for us too!)

Fairybio · 31/07/2020 18:33

As it's a private school, you could give notice on the first day of the autumn term and then not pay fees in January. But there's so much more to school than English and maths! How would you keep.pace with what her peers are doing? And all the other subjects, plus music, PE, socialising...

Nobody wants their child to catch Covid. But you could keep her at home, and she could still catch it from supermarket shopping, museums, other people you meet, etc. Unless none of you leave the house, ever, she could still catch it. (Please don't do this.)

If it was my child, I would send her to school.

whereistherum · 31/07/2020 18:35

I am sending my DS back, for a ton of reasons which are right not only for him but also us.

He has been able to go to a summer club for two days a week and the difference in him is amazing.

However, we have our reasons to do it, plenty of people have reasons not to

Newdaynewname1 · 31/07/2020 18:37

Two things from my point of view,

  1. if your school didn’t provide a full online provision, change schools. Private schools should do that.
  2. social isolation in young kids is extremely damaging. She needs social contacts as much as an education. If you don’t trust your school to provide that, change schools.
nannieann · 31/07/2020 18:38

We will be lucky if we have a choice come September! Let's hope that schools are able to open to all children, but if not, anyone who can manage to home school will be helping the situation for those who need to go in.

Rhianna1980 · 31/07/2020 18:39

Don’t worry too much for now. Increase in infection rate is not looking good at this rate, so schools might not end up opening properly if gov doesn’t aim for the elimination strategy.
Also this super stupid argument that if you are fit and healthy, then you have nothing to worry about. People forget that we are still learning about its long term effects. I didn’t know that this forum is full of people with doctorate degrees in infectious diseases.

ConquestEmpireHungerPlague · 31/07/2020 18:40

The people dying aren't healthy children

I can't believe people are still coming out with remarks like this. Everyone who dies will have caught it from someone.

Anyway.

I completely understand where you're coming from @Mumlookingforadvise and am weighing up the same things myself. As things currently stand, I'm not happy about sending mine back in September. I have a Y9 (to be) who will be in a 'bubble' of 240 ffs. We've been told what arrangements are in place for social distancing etc and basically they amount to changing very little and hoping for the best. He's had remote learning this year and is doing more than fine educationally for his age, so I would not be concerned about that aspect. He's missed the social aspect of school but much of that will be gone anyway - no mixing with kids outside your own group, no clubs, etc - and he has siblings so would not be isolated completely at home. I also have a sixth former whose work is much more important but his school is offering excellent online support whether he goes in or not. He has a concerning commute to college and a serious medical condition, but on the other hand has the maturity and autonomy to manage his own social distancing. Then I have another at uni who will do a large proportion of his work remotely and may or may not go back to campus (we await updates). DH and I wfh and both have serious Covid risk factors. So weighing it all up, the risks of school are looming larger for me than the benefits. I'm not concerned about fines as I don't see them being enforceable at present.

I will be looking closely at what happens in Scotland when schools reopen the week after next. Scotland has had much lower prevalence and has been more decisive about taking necessary action, but like many European countries had really got the incidence rate down only to find it popping up again in the last two weeks. Nicola Sturgeon has been ready more than once to preempt the government, so if the Scottish numbers start going up again significantly once schools reopen, I feel confident it will enter the national narrative before E&W schools go back in September. What I'm absolutely not prepared to do is send my children back if the writing's on the wall just because the government says so. I pulled mine out a week before official lockdown in March, and, even though we got away with it, actually wish I'd been bolshy enough to do it sooner, like the end of February. I was proved right by events and will trust my own judgement without hesitation next time round. Lots of people agree things will go tits up by October half-term, so my feeling is, why wait for the tide to overtake you and then panic.

The only thing that would give me pause in your shoes, OP, is that from the sounds of it your DD is an only child, and I might have concerns about isolating her from other children for what may turn out to be an extended period. As you'll get more flexibility with a private school, I wonder if it might be better to send her back but be ready to pull her out decisively if the numbers start to look worrying.

SirVixofVixHall · 31/07/2020 18:47

I would keep a year four child at home, but I am at increased risk ( not shielding level).
I am struggling to decide what to do with my dc who will be going into year 9 and year 12. Crucial years, and yet having a mother is rather more crucial.

RedCatBlueCat · 31/07/2020 18:47

If I was your or DHs manager I would be having serious concerns about you working from home and caring for /schooling a 7 year old.
Can you honestly say over the past 4 months you have completed as much work as you would in the office, and it hasnt been impacted in any way by having your daughter at home?
While I totally understand while schools have been closed work output is likely to have taken a hit, and stuff gets disrupted or completed at unusual times, once schools are open, I think this tolerance will start disappearing if you are choosing to make life hard or disruptive for yourselves.

Newdaynewname1 · 31/07/2020 18:59

@RedCatBlueCat there is that as well. not having childcare in place is inacceptable.
There was an uproar in on department in my company - several people had decided that they didn’t need nursery anymore and could just work parttime for full pay and cancel nursery . whole department is now required to be in the office 5 days per week, and there is loads of moaning about them now having to pay for very expensive emergency childcare...

AdoptAdaptImprove · 31/07/2020 19:02

I worry that people talking about continuing to homeschool don’t actually understand what happens when you deregister your child and move to home education. It won’t be like it has been before, with schools providing content and you supervising your child in undertaking it. You don’t get work set by someone else. You would need to devise and deliver all your own teaching and resources, for as long as you continue to homeschool, and find ways to ensure the work has been understood.

I don’t think any of my working friends would even contemplate being able to do this to the degree it would take to properly educate their children, AND continue to work full time alongside. I can’t see how it would be possible to do both things well.

ballsdeep · 31/07/2020 19:02

@confusedandold

Personally I would wait until September to make the decision. However, I started homeschooling my eldest due to ill health in September last year, my youngest as well since March. I can honestly say that if you are prepared to put in the effort, homeschooling can be very efficient and effective.

My eldest has excelled since being homeschooled and my youngest is now working two years ahead in maths. When it is one on one you can cover the work done at school in a fraction of the time. I think where some parents go wrong is thinking that they have to keep school hours. Many long time homeschooling parents of Year 4 children cover the same work as at school in around 2-3 hours. Only you know if you have the patience and whether your child will enjoy homeschooling or not. My eldest has enjoyed it but my youngest will hate to be homeschooled longterm. Also, it doesn't have to be forever. Many parents homeschool for a year or two for various reasons and then their children go back to school.

How do you know that? If it's by doing a sheet in the maths books aimed at specific age groups, take it with a pinch of salt