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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School in September

172 replies

Mumlookingforadvise · 31/07/2020 16:35

Hi all,

I have a girl who goes to a school in Wimbledon ( Year 4 ). I am thinking of not sending her to school in Sept due to the current situation around Coronavirus.

AIBU - to not send her to school
AIBNU - Your choice.

What are other parents thinking?

OP posts:
xolotltezcatlopoca · 31/07/2020 17:38

I think it's totally up to you since your dc is in private school, so it's not like your dc is taking up the place that can be offered to other children in state. Also if you can home educate while wfh, I see no problem regarding academics. Only worry is the social side, since you can't really join any home ed group etc. to cover that side of things like normal times. But if she's happy, I think why not.

Annierose293 · 31/07/2020 17:38

I have a child with underlying health issues related to his disability.
I am terrified of sending him back in September.
We have literally only been out a handful of times since March, and even then they have been remote walks and not busy places.
I expressed my fears to both his Head of school and also the local authority (he attends a special school) and got a very unhelpful response form both "The government has said that all children must return in September, fines will be issued to those who don't".
They are aware of his health issues and the fact I almost lost him to flu as a baby. He spent six weeks in intensive care in an induced coma. The thought of his getting this virus scares me beyond words.
I fear that if I send him back in September it won't be a case of if he gets the virus , but WHEN. Hopefully he will be fine, but it's the fear of the unknown after what he went through before and how close i came to losing him.
He doesn't understand social distancing (he's non verbal) and constantntly has his hands in his mouth.
The fear I feel for him is awful.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 31/07/2020 17:39

Everyone has different circumstances. We are planning on sending ours as we've noticed a decline in their general well-being. They aren't happy at home. They need the social side. The biggest Covid risk in our family so far is their father, who has continued to work outside the home throughout.

There are risks in every decision you make. If the school is happy to take fees and keep the space open, it's a decision worth considering. But I think the risks are a lot lower in Primary Schools then some people think. (Secondary a different matter)

Didthatreallyhappen2 · 31/07/2020 17:39

I was under the impression that, as things stand at this precise moment, ALL children were expected to go back in September (with the obvious exceptions of those in the vulnerable categories of course). This applies as much to private as to state schools. The government guidelines are for everyone.

My DC is also at a private school. I will send them back without hesitation - they NEED to be in school for their own mental health, as much as anything else. Wouldn't occur to me not to send them.

Oaktree55 · 31/07/2020 17:39

Yes mine meet friends still and they will continue to Autumn Term, but there are safer ways to socialise than in an unventilated room for hours on end. They also are happy with the plan, if they weren’t then I’d have to think harder about it.

Littleposh · 31/07/2020 17:40

It is your local authority who fines you, it has nothing to do with the school

Osirus · 31/07/2020 17:41

Class size of 24 is quite high for private school I would have thought? It’s on a par with state, and actually almost double the size of my daughter’s (state) class.

It’s up to you what you do, based on your own circumstances. I’m happy sending mine because her class size is so small, the school is tiny, and they have very good measures in place.

Every circumstance is different.

Roselilly36 · 31/07/2020 17:41

YANBU IMHO, my DS’ are no longer at school (19&17) if they were still at school, I would not be sending them in, I have a disability & have been Shielded. I really feel for parents facing this dilemma. Good luck, do what’s right for your family.

studychick81 · 31/07/2020 17:42

I thought you would be fined if you didn't send them in.

BlackberrySky · 31/07/2020 17:42

A couple of your comments have left me wondering in whose interests you are making this choice. You like having her at home and you can't be bothered to drive her to school. Have you asked her which she would prefer?

AnneOfQueenSables · 31/07/2020 17:46

@Annierose293 Flowers that sounds so difficult.
My DS regularly gets ill and is under consultant care till we determine an underlying cause. Ironically, he has been relatively healthy during lockdown presumably because he isn't in close contact with other people. I do worry about him going back and whether or not it is the best option for him. But your concerns must be much worse. I feel for you.

Annierose293 · 31/07/2020 17:47

@studychick81

I thought you would be fined if you didn't send them in.
That's what I was told by my local authority, despite my child having underlying health issues. It just seems an impossible situation. The months I have spent shielding him and keeping him safe will all be in vain.
HostaFireAndIce · 31/07/2020 17:48

It is your local authority who fines you, it has nothing to do with the school

They don't fine private school kids for not attending. They have no record of where they all are, for a start!

Mummyshark2018 · 31/07/2020 17:49

What does your dc say about it? My year 4 child can't wait to get back to school.

Oaktree55 · 31/07/2020 17:49

Very unlikely fines will be held up in Court. It’s not unreasonable to keep your child off given circumstances.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 31/07/2020 17:49

People who work in school don’t have any option. It appears that children generally don’t get very ill with Covid but are very good at spreading it... to the school staff..... In my case we aren’t allowed to wear masks either...

At the moment the government have said that children are expected to return so I expect we will be monitoring attendance again and keeping children home because you want to will be unauthorised absence.

Original poster
Mumlookingforadvise · 31/07/2020 17:50

My kid seems fine. She doesn't miss the school and would be happy at home.

OP posts:
Summeradventure · 31/07/2020 17:51

How does your daughter feel about it, OP? What would need to change for you to feel safer?

Original poster
Mumlookingforadvise · 31/07/2020 17:54

Personally she is happy spending more time at home. I have seen improvement in her Maths, due to the 1:1 lessons.

OP posts:
fuckinghellapeacock · 31/07/2020 17:55

Why not just homeschool her permanently then you can have all the time together you want and not risk your precious child coming into contact with any diseases at all - not just C19.

Oaktree55 · 31/07/2020 17:56

Rather ignorant comment above 🙄

zigaziga · 31/07/2020 17:59

Hard to know what to vote on this...

It IS your choice and you can pull out and homeschool for whatever reason.

But the risk to children from CV is so minimal, less than the flu and do people pull their children out of school because the flu is going around?

We are private and I do sometimes wonder though at what point would we say enough is enough and pull out and homeschool... if school is only part time for the foreseeable future for instance, I will get to the point that I don’t think my fees are worth it.

Original poster
Mumlookingforadvise · 31/07/2020 18:00

Yes she is precious like any other child.

OP posts:
TeddyIsaHe · 31/07/2020 18:13

Tbh I think you’d be doing her a massive disservice. There’s more chance of a child dying in a car accident than of covid, but I’m sure you’ll still drive her around everywhere.

I understand your concerns, I do. But putting a child’s life on hold, reducing their experiences and socialisation options isn’t something I would ever do.

Private schools have much smaller class numbers any way, so the risk is even smaller. Plus London has one of the lowest rates atm.

I think you’re making a knee-jerk decision not based on facts and number, but rather anxiety. And that’s not a sensible parenting approach imo.

frazzledquaver · 31/07/2020 18:15

I'm not sure about sending my DD back to year 5 at a similar school (independent but high class size). But I have an underlying condition which makes me more vulnerable (not shielding, but higher risk). I'm waiting to see the school's plans which we will receive in mid-August but I fear there will be no attempt at social distancing, just a cut back in extra curricular activities (which is what we pay the fees for really) and a bit of hand sanitising now and then. My other children are at secondary and I'm not very happy about sending them back, but if there is no online provision they will miss out educationally. One of them has a health condition which children who have ended up in ICU also have (high risk condition in adults) so it will be with a very heavy heart that I send him in. My DD was doing well learning at home - much less time spent on learning but she made improvements - but is now saying that she wants to go back. If the infection rate here remains low, I'll probably send her in, but if it rises significantly I'll make a different decision. We will have to pay the fees either way.