What to call “stepgran”

[Newmama29]

Posting on AIBU for traffic. First time poster but long term lurker.

My parents have been divorced for about 15 years, very amicable relationship. Both have new DPs & everyone gets on great. My stepmum has been in my life for 10+ years, we get on really well & she is very good with me & my DSis.

Now I am expecting my first baby in the next month & everyone is really excited (first baby for both grandparents), but starting to have the dilemma of what should my child call my stepmum? My DM will be called gran & as this is her first I don’t want to overshadow her by having my DS call my DSM gran too, but I’m not keen on many other names for gran, i.e nan, nana, grandma etc 🙈 I understand this is purely trivial & it’s not a huge deal, I’m just curious as to what others have done in this situation?

My kids have 4 grannies
They go by granny and then their name so granny pat, granny Lola ect.

Also you can pick whatever names you want but the kids might not go along with it and call them something else anyway so I wouldn't stress, it's just a name.

How about appending your Stephen's name to Granny. Like Granny Mary.
Sounds warm and loving

Sorry. Stepmum.
And great minds......

Our are granny smith, granny jones, granny thomas etc

My dad is Grandpa and my stepdad in Grandad. These are the names they chose for themselves

My step mum is granny ‘her name’.

I agree with the above. My DC have two grannies - both already had grandchildren when ours were born and were already known as "Granny" rather than Grandma/Nanna etc and so they became Granny X and Granny Y to distinguish them.

I had a Grandad and a Grandad Bob.

I had a step grandmother and she was called Nana Catherine while my biological grandmother was just Nana.
I think this was because my parents called her by first name themselves so we just copied.

My mum is grandma, dad's mum is nan, my step mum is granny

When I was a kid all grandma's were granny

I’ve never known the parents to decide what grandparent names are? Like to choose whether granny or grandma etc??? Thats always been for the grandparent?

As to whether your stepmum gets a grandparent name at all, I would say talk to them? I’ve got two stepparents, both have grandparent names although both decide what they wanted to be after the biograndparent decided, so they didnt feel they were treading on toes

Have you asked? My step mum has been in my life since I was a child. She is just called by her name. Her preference. My step dad is grandad.

What’s her name? Call her that. 🤷‍♀️

I assumed that the person chose the name they preferred? We asked my parents and in laws what they'd like to be called. Same went for my MILs new husband.

Would that plan simplify things?

I'd just ask her, see what her preference is x

I’m a step mum. I said I’d take whatever the two real grannies didn’t want. Fortunately they both wanted variations of Nana, which I loathe with a passion so I’m Granny. If either of them had wanted it, I’d have been Oma.

What do you know her as? My step mil married film when my husband and his elder brother were adults so they just know her as her first name. We sorted settled on Grandad His name and Her name without any title iyswim. I think it would have been different if my husband had ever known her as mom or similar but she never raised them or otherwise.

I have to agree with pps; I always thought the grandparent got to choose what they wanted to be called. If two grandparents want the same name, you add their actual name. Otherwise, just call her by her name. What do you call her? Guessing it isn't mum, so there is no expectation she will be gran. But if she wants to be, and you get on well as you seem to, I'd give her the option.

Grandma her name here as well :) (My mum is Gran and MIL is Grandma)

My grandad was remarried- we called her by her name.

I’m a “stepgran” and I’m just known by my name. I’ve been around for many years but Gran or any variant would seem odd. Definitely reserved for the “real” grannies.

I think it’s sensible to ask and see what she’d like to be called, she might rather be called by her first name?

You’re probably going to end up with another Nana or one of the nicknames that you don’t like, as your baby’s paternal grandmother will presumably pick a name to go by? I think it’s customary to let grandparents pick what they want to be called, so you might end up with a Grandma or a Nana anyway!

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Names after is the way I did it, although you say you don't want to over shadow your mum so how about Gran, Granny with name on the end and then for your DH/DPs mum the same sort of thing.

I think it's what your stepmum is comfortable with to.
In our family my dm wanted to be called granny my niece had different ideas and it stuck and all grandchildren call her by this name. My grandmother was just grandma until my nephew called her grandma bob (cats name) - it stuck and all her great grandchildren call her this much to the amusement of others. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it as long as dc can differentiate between the two grans it doesn't matter.

If you want her to have a name then just let her choose one from one of the other Grandmother names. Does she have children of her own? What do they call their Grandmother?

I never picked any name that my kids called their Grandparents, or step-grandparents. The Grandparents did.