What to call “stepgran”

[Newmama29]

Posting on AIBU for traffic. First time poster but long term lurker.

My parents have been divorced for about 15 years, very amicable relationship. Both have new DPs & everyone gets on great. My stepmum has been in my life for 10+ years, we get on really well & she is very good with me & my DSis.

Now I am expecting my first baby in the next month & everyone is really excited (first baby for both grandparents), but starting to have the dilemma of what should my child call my stepmum? My DM will be called gran & as this is her first I don’t want to overshadow her by having my DS call my DSM gran too, but I’m not keen on many other names for gran, i.e nan, nana, grandma etc 🙈 I understand this is purely trivial & it’s not a huge deal, I’m just curious as to what others have done in this situation?

We’ve ended up with completely different names than the ones we chose as nicknames have stuck - we now have Granny Ducks and Granny Seaside for example

I would maybe start with Granny first name and see how you get on!

I've been in your step mums situation. Auntie was the compromise for us, acknowledging I was family without treading on anyone's toes

My DD only has my mum and stepmum and we told them to pick their names so we have a granny and a grandma.

My DC have 3 grandads, uninspiringly called Grandad, Grandad Bill and Grandad Jim. They spend the most time with Grandad. Bill and Jim are called Grandad in person, but referred to as Grandad Bill/Jim in conversation. Works for us

I had, Granny (maternal grandmother), Grandma in X (paternal grandmother overseas in X), Grandma in Y (Dad’s wife’s mother in a UK location Y) - so Grandma in say Hyderabad and Grandma in Great Yarmouth if that makes sense.

DN’s go with Granny Elizabeth and Granny Mary etc.

Friends Nana Jones, Nan Smith, Gran/Granny/Grandma/Nana (all different people!).

Colleague’s mother passed away unexpectedly after the birth of her first much longed for grandchild. Her father swiftly remarried her mother’s best friend, colleague’s mother was already calling herself grandma to “the bump” and she couldn’t face the “step grandmother” being referred to as a grandparent (by all accounts she wasn’t a nice woman anyway). So it was “Grandpa and Emma” which “Emma” was quite happy with.

I'm just called my name. Grandchildren come to visit Grandad & Katie. I wouldn't dream of offending their Nanna by calling myself a grandparent name.

My children call my stepmum “Nanna (name)”. She’s amazing with them and deserves a medal. I don’t think I could do half as much as she does as a step grandparent.

And their biological Nanna (their dad’s mum), does nothing to enrich their lives like their Nanna (name) does, so I’m not bothered about causing offence. She’s more of a Nanna to them any day.

My mum is Grandma so she has her own title

I'm a stepgran and I'm known as Nanny Myname.

I'm buggered if I know how to refer to my step-grandchild's mum, though. She and DSS have split up, and "DSS's ex" doesn't quite cut it, as we're pretty close (DSS is a bit of an arse and makes no effort to stay in touch, but we see quite a bit of my "ex-stepdaughter-in-law").

Granny?

In our house we have a Grannie, Nanna and Nanny.

We adore my DD's partner.

We have Grandma Tis, Granny Mary, Nanny June

No differentiator for them being a step grandma as you can see above. In fact, step granny is the closest to the granchildren and most involved!

My DS just calls my stepdad "grandad" but I have no contact with my birth father so a different situation.

Our DD has three nannies, we just use their initials so they're Nanny A, Nanny B, Nanny C (example!). My DH's stepmum wrote in the card when DD was born and had signed it her name and anxiously told me she was very honoured to be in DD's life but that she didn't want to step on anyone's toes by assuming a title. I assured her that of course she was DD's nanny and that we'd hear no more about it

I was asked what I'd like to be called before (step)DGC was born and chose my first name rather than nan because that's what DSC have always called me. It went to pot very quickly once DGC arrived, DSS and his GF just seemed to naturally refer to me as nan and it wasn't long before I found myself doing the same, he's just starting to talk now and sure enough, I'm nan.

What I'm trying to say is that you may well find this naturally resolves itself once the baby is here. That said I think Granny-their name is a good initial compromise to avoid upsetting anyone, it marks a difference with just 'Gran' for your DM without excluding SM so seems sensible to me.

My OHs step mum in Nanna.... then her name.

Call her grann
Or ask her what she would like perhaps

We have 4 step-grandparents for DS and all are called by their first name aside from my stepmum, because she's been in my life since I was young.

She chose her own name, its unusual to me but she loves it (and the smile on her face when she announced it was really lovely). Its very different to the grandmothers which are more traditional Nana and Grandma.

I agree, ask her.

Even as a granny I prefer to be called by my first name.

My Dad has a newish partner and she was introduced to the children about 18 months ago as Auntie ' Aggie' that what I call her when referring to her so that what the children have always called her.

I would ask your Step Mum - ours wanted to just called her name and in conversation sometime Grandad ‘name’.

My Step dad is called Grandpa name.

Sorry maybe I should of mentioned that I have asked her & she’s not sure either, I figured that was obvious 🙈

Thank you for all your suggestions! I call her by her first name so I suppose it may just be picked up on that she’ll be Gran name, I just wondered if there was anything different that people had used

Look overseas and see if she likes something different. My daughters UK grandparents are divorced, the maternal grandmother has taken something from her heritage (we gave her first choice) and her step grandmother chose grandmother. My parents took something from my fathers heritage. It’s a nice blend.

Granny(hername or initial)?