What to call “stepgran”

[Newmama29]

Posting on AIBU for traffic. First time poster but long term lurker.

My parents have been divorced for about 15 years, very amicable relationship. Both have new DPs & everyone gets on great. My stepmum has been in my life for 10+ years, we get on really well & she is very good with me & my DSis.

Now I am expecting my first baby in the next month & everyone is really excited (first baby for both grandparents), but starting to have the dilemma of what should my child call my stepmum? My DM will be called gran & as this is her first I don’t want to overshadow her by having my DS call my DSM gran too, but I’m not keen on many other names for gran, i.e nan, nana, grandma etc 🙈 I understand this is purely trivial & it’s not a huge deal, I’m just curious as to what others have done in this situation?

We just asked our parents what they want to be.. My mum wants "Nonna" which is Italian, apparently. No idea why since we have no Italian heritage and I'm not super keen tbh but I figure it's her choice!

I would imagine Gran + name would be fine.

What will your stepdad be?

My kids only had my dad plus the Ils, so there was only one Gran, but the GFs were differentiated by the towns that they lived in!

My dad is Grandad, stepdad is Grandad Bob (not his name), same with my stepmum and DHs stepdad - I let them all choose the gran/nan/whatever name and the steps get their name tagged on the end. Works for us

I agree with @LadybirdsAreFab - why not look up other languages names for grandparents and see if she likes any of those.,

My Gran's partner is just his name,
So Granny Sue and Bob (for example)

I’ve never known the parents to decide what grandparent names are? Like to choose whether granny or grandma etc??? Thats always been for the grandparent?

Disagree.

My mum has 4 children, the grandchildren all call her different names! We have Nanny Star, ‘Sally’ Nanny, Grandma and Nanny boots

DHs mum has two children the GC call her Nanny (mine) and grandma (sisters children)

tbh he was the best grandad out of the three lol

My stepmum is just Ann to me, DS and DGS. I think it was probably her choice - she’d never dream of trying to usurp my mum, and she has no children of her own, so a Granny name would be weird.

My FIL wanted to be called by a family nickname rather than Granddad. Would that work?

My half sisters kids call my dad granddad!
Mum was always Nanny to all the grandkids.
ExDH mum was Nanna!
It makes no odds really.
Ask her what she would prefer.

I'm in same situation OP except mine is my step dad. He'll just be grandad 'name' unless he wants to be something different.

I ageee with @LadybirdsAreFab too. My Mum is Dutch, and is an Oma.

@diddl my mums DP hasn’t been in our lives as long & I don’t see him as a “stepdad” as such so he is probably just going to be called his name. Whereas my stepmum has been in my life for a much longer period of time & plays more of a maternal role ifyswim? I was slightly reluctant to call her gran as I didn’t want to overshadow that from my mum, especially as it’s her first grandchild. I’ll probably just call her by her name & see what my child decides to call her when their old enough 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you all for your suggestions! It’s so nice to hear some positive “step-parenting” relationships as I feel I always see bashing on MN 🙈

I think we’ll probably just go with a variation of Gran “name” (although she has a wee nickname we could use as the name) & let our DS decide whatever comes to him when he’s old enough to speak

I'd go with Granny "insert name" or ask her what she wants to be called. It doesn't need to be made a big deal of. I called both my nans "Nan" and they would be differentiated for me by using their surnames so I knew which one they were talking about.

Mom mum is Grandma, Birthmum is her first name, Mil is Granny, and stepmum is GrandmaMary

Blended family here and on my step son's side there's a lot of grandparents and great grandparents. Until recently, they had all great grandparents still alive, so that was 8 names to sort out!
They had nanny name, grandma name, nan, nanny garden(she was always in the garden!) etc . All the granddads, gramps and grandpas were referred to using the female name, so grandad garden for example.

Second marriage for me and DH, 5 grandchildren between us. I always said that the natural grandparents had first dibs on whatever name and I'd pick what was left. My step grandchildren call me grandma, but when referring to dh (their blood relative) he's called granddad supermarket!
My own "blood" grandchildren call him granddad, but when talking about him call him granddad"his name".

It sounds confusing but the kids all know who they're talking about, and the important thing is they are loved equally.

My Aunty is Step gran. Call her granny J and the bio gran is granny K

My family have always used “nanny first name” and the only current step-mum figure is “nanny last name” I think mainly as it flows better. Otherwise the kids just call her by her first name. When it comes to it I think mine will call my dads partner by her first name. She’s only 10 years older than me though so I don’t think she’ll want to be known as a nan!
I don’t think it will take anything away from your mum. In my family they wouldn’t mix much but I appreciate yours could be different!

My step mother started calling herself Aunty Petunia, found it rather odd myself, think it was a protest by her at us just calling her Petunia. We went for all step grandparents just being called by their first names and the rest of them were OK with that but we were not particularly close to any of them as they all came into our lives when we were adults. If close to them, I would go for letting bio grandparents choose what they went to be called then give the step ones the choice of alternatives that you are happy with

Both my grandmothers died before I was born and both my grandfathers remarried.
One step grandmother I called by her first name and the other was Aunty.

You need to start with something as you'll say we're going to see x or granny x even when young and it will influence.

see what my child decides to call her when their old enough

Thats not going to really work though is it. Your child will copy what you say and use the name you use. If you call her Gran X then they're going to follow suit

I'm a stepmum, very close to my stepdaughter of nearly 20 years. She now has a daughter and to be honest I call myself my actual name. My stepdaughter sometimes called me nanny and sometimes my name. I really don't mind which but don't to push any nan/gran names.
Her stepdad has been around 25 years. I don't know if he is a grandad or just his name.
I had a stepdad for 40 years, knew him my whole life. My children loved him and called him his actual name, not grandad as that is my dad's name.
It is very tough.

My father's partner is "Auntie [first name]. My mother is dead so unlikely to be offended by somehow else calling themselves Granny! However, I was appreciated the tact my father and she showed.