I got angry with my friend and hung up..aibu?

[kinndel]

I'm not normally a angry person but yesterday I just felt like no this is my limit.
My mum is in hospital and she is dying.
Less than two weeks more than likely.
This year has been horrible for me with her being ill,she broke her hip then got pneumonia and then kidney failure etc etc.
My friend is the same age (35) lives at home with her mum and no kids.
She has a boyfriend who does anything for her,never worked a day in her life.
Through the whole time my mums been ill these are some of things she's been coming out with.
"It's awful this,me and you have no luck"
"We both have went through so much this year"
"Me having to get this tooth out today and you with your mum???? Are you comparing a tooth?

Yesterday was what pushed me over the edge.
Just found out there was nothing more the doctors could do.
I rang her (looking for comfort ) and she started crying and said
"Our life's are awful,my mum has just thrown my primark carrier bags in the corner as if they are nothing,as if I'm nothing I'm sick I'm sick"
Why are our lives so bad??
I flipped and just said I've just told you my mum is dying and your moaning on because your mum threw a primark carrier.

I'm not saying my problems are any less worthy than hers but a bit of perspective.
She always makes it about her.
Plays the "I'm so hard done by " card
She has no worry's,she doesn't work,a boyfriend who does anything,healthy parents.
Aibu to hang up ?

*lifes not lives
Sorry I'm typing too fast

She doesn't sound like a real friend! I'm sorry you're going through so much with your mum

Your friend has issues. If she is saying such selfish things it's no wonder she is a conduit for your anger in grief. You do not need to think of her right now.

I think sometimes people can only deal with what they've been through if that makes much sense. Her pain may not equal yours but to her, it's the worst she's been through. She may be trying to relate to you but just going about it the wrong way.

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum.

No op I think she was very insensitive

She’s not going to be able to offer what you need right now. You are in a crisis situation so forget about her and try to find support elsewhere.

YANBU but some people genuinely can’t do this so don’t waste energy trying to figure out why she’s so selfish.

Sorry but I also should have said that it doesn't excuse her behaviour! I was just trying to offer a different point of view.

I think this is a “friend” you can afford to lose tbh.

She isn't the friend you need right now! Step back, leave her to it and find someone else who can understand your grief

I’m not sure you can assume that your friend has no worries/a carefree life, but other than that your feelings don’t seem unreasonable at all. It sounds as if she struggles with empathy and has to make herself part of the focus rather than just responding to a friend’s situation. Hope you have people who are a bit more supportive than this. Sorry to hear about your mum.

My hunch is you've grown up and she hasn't.

If I were to try to be charitable to her, then maybe she doesn't know what to say to comfort you and is making a misguided attempt to share her "problems" with you to try to make you feel you're not alone in feeling awful about something. Solidarity in grief, as it were.

But I think my first hunch is the more likely one.

YANU but see how she reacts now. If she apologises does how she's acted and offers support, then she may have not realised how she was acting. But if she now feels hard done by and thinks you're in the wrong, then it's time to ditch the friend.

Sending hugs at this difficult time

* I rang her (looking for comfort ) *

Oh come on. You knew what was coming. Do you have no other friends? Or are you a sucker for punishment?!

OP your friend has no emotional intelligence. I am sorry.

And I have to say
35
Living at home with mother
Never worked in her life

Sounds a shit life to me

YANBU. She sounds quite unhinged. So sorry about your mum .

Sorry about your Mum, some people are just self centred. My baby son was hospitalised and a friend said to my DH:

"I know how you feel, I've just had my purse stolen."

Total lack of empathy. Now you've seen the real her.

I do have other friends.
She is the only one who doesn't have kids /commitments etc so I don't want to bother them with my problems.
They have there own things going on.

This would annoy me and I think I would have reacted the way you did. However, do you think it's possible that she feels awkward about the conversation and hasn't known what to say for fear of upsetting you more and has said random things to distract? I think it's worth talking about this before dismissing the friendship.

I’m a similar age to you and lost my mum a month or so ago. If she’d said that to me I’d have done the same, given her a piece of my mind and cut her off.
She’s a twat.
Weirdly the people who I thought would be the most supportive have been the least and I’ve had more support from people who I wouldn’t expect it from.
Thinking of you op xxx

@Allthebestusernameshavegone I'm really sorry to hear about your mum xx

I can't bear people who turn every conversation into their perspective. My ex husband used to do this. When my neighbour was dying (50 with young kids) he was so upset but kept on about how her dying made him feel. He did sympathy but not empathy. I eventually realised how selfish and self centred he was. Your friend isn't a true friend. A friend would listen and comfort you and not mention themselves.

If someone is having a bad time and wants to share with me I don't break in with, I know how you feel , I've just spent weeks in hospital with my disabled DD. I might be feeling fragile but have enough empathy to know how to respond to others.

Look elsewhere for support. I am very sorry about your mum it must be dreadful.

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum.

Your friends Primark worries are not comparable but she has little perspective. Lives at home, 35, no job etc. Therefore she has not challenges and her tooth and carrier bag are major to her. Hopefully she will do something with her life and realise how ridiculous she is being.

I work full time and have children but if one of my friends needed me in the way you need a friend right now I would be there. You might be surprised if reach out to one of them. Sending you a massive hug!

@kinndel

I do have other friends. She is the only one who doesn't have kids /commitments etc so I don't want to bother them with my problems. They have there own things going on.

Wow. Just wow. This explains so much about why I'm treated as a mug and a sounding board by those around me.

I am so sorry about your mum but you are completely out of line to judge your friend's life as easy because she doesnt work and doesn't have kids. A childlife is so so hard. I know because I'm living it. Not working and living at home in your 30s sounds awful, not a life to be envied.

She was out of line in her comments but so are you in your thoughts about her life. Maybe you'd both be best off without each other.

*childless life