To think it's OK that DS doesn't want to cycle ?

[IHeartKingThistle]

DS is nearly 11. He's a bit cautious by nature but will happily swim and throw himself into football tackles. He just hates bikes. We taught him to ride across the park when he was 8, which he did, but he is very clear that he never wants to do it again. His point is that it's not a life skill like swimming and if he doesn't want to he shouldn't have to. I think it's something to do with having both feet off the floor but whatever, we have accepted his feelings on the matter.

He's going to stay with my parents next week and my mum has just texted to say she's got him a second hand bike to get him cycling. God knows why. He's now worried about going.

I've told her not to pressure him and she'll be fine, but it's made me wonder - has anyone else got a bike-averse child and surely it's OK not to make him do it? It would be lovely to go on family bike rides but making him do it just seems mean. I mean, I hate going to gigs so DH just goes with someone else - no one makes me! Or should I be making him try again?

I think its quite important. The kids around here all hang around on their bikes and ride around the village. If your ds can't bike they'd have to all cycle at walking pace or he'd get left out. Plus a lot of kids cycle to school around here.

I think it is a useful life skill, but it depends on where you live how important it is for a teen.
Both my DDs learned to cycle but both have motor skills issues so never really got safe enough to feel confident on roads. It didn't really impact.

Why would you want to make him ride a bike if he doesn't want to? Just let him know that if he changes his mind in the future, you'll support and help him.

Where we live, kids aren't out alone on bikes they get stolen. So no, it wouldn't be important. He's tried it, he doesn't like it. He's put together a reasoned argument why he shouldn't have to do it, which is impressive.

The kids, on bikes around my way are generally upto no good.

I wouldn't force it, but if the last time he rode a bike was aged 8, then I don't think it's a bad thing to suggest he has another go. He might find it more enjoyable, as often if you've not doing something for a while you can build it up to be worse than it actually is.

Yeah it's not really as much of a thing here as we live on a massive hill! So he doesn't miss out socially.

If it becomes important to him he will do it. I would just let him be.

I've got 5 boys and only 2 of them are confident on bikes. The other 3 can ride but don't want to, and haven't needed to bar one time on scout camp (where 2 had accidents, not on the same camp, and haven't cycled since) As they're late teens it hasn't really affected them at all. They walk if they go out with friends or work etc.

I wouldn't say it was essential at all. I know plenty of people who never ride a bike.

Bike averse ds here. finally mastered a lap of the park at about 13, and has't been on one since. It's not a big deal

Agree, if he starts getting left out and wants to be involved he will cycle if he wants. More pressure from people (ie your parents) the less likely he is to do it.

He can master it when he's older if he wants to. It's not time limited.

At 8 it's just playing. It becomes useful later on and he may see the point then.

I wouldn't force him either, but I sympathise.

My DD was very bike averse for a few years after having had a bad experience when trying to learn. I parked the issue and just didn't mention it for a while. It was peer pressure from her friends which turned it around -- her best friend took a bike out to a park and DD suddenly wanted to learn. Within a week she had cracked it.

I definitely don't think forcing kids to do things they don't want is a good strategy but I think you may find other kids being able to do it is what makes it click.

If he doesn’t like cycling then he shouldn’t have to do it. No different than any other outdoor activity. Swimming yes is a life skill but cycling no.

He’s 11 so knows what he wants to do. He can do it, he just doesn’t want to. We had similar with my dsis. One of my 4 yr old loves cycling and learnt in 3 days. His brother is still walking with a bike between his legs. Dsis decided it would be a great idea for her (quite intimidating in a “nice” way 🙄) DH to take reluctant cycled off to teach him to ride his bikes. Lots of issues, but I said no. He gives it a try for about 5 mins every few weeks and doesn’t enjoy it. He will learn eventually and I am not going to do anything that might put him off cycling in the future. Children do not need to be racing around the countryside on bikes like the Famous Five! Tell your DM to give him a break and maybe mention she’s putting him off visiting!

I agree that there is no reason to pressure him to do it. He can cycle. It's not like you never taught him. Not all teens hang around on bikes, but he could join in if he wanted to.

I learnt to cycle as a kid and have done it less than 10 times as an adult. I don't enjoy it and hate being in traffic. I'd much rather walk.

DH is a very keen cyclist, who does long distances with friends. I don't feel left out.

DD is a bit like this. During proper lock down we got her cycling, no traffic around so she was fine. Hasn't been on her bike since though - the cars scare her too much. Shame as she looked so comfortable cruising along on her roadie :(

DD is 24 and still can’t ride a bike. We tried several times, nice bikes, took her places that would be easy, but she couldn’t. She’s very coordinated (did gymnastics for a while) and has good balance (reasonable horsewoman) but I just don’t think she really wanted to ride a bike so it never happened. It hasn’t negatively impacted her life even once. I wouldn’t worry.

This is making me feel better! I'm not the kind of parent that just lets kids do what they want (AT ALL!) but this does feel like his decision to make tbh and you're all right, nothing stopping him if he changes his mind.

my teen son came off his bike a couple of years ago and was hit by a car.
He will NOT get back on a bike now and really, who can blame him?

I didnt like cycling and although I went through a brief healthy phase in my early 20s of cycling from home to the gym, I have pretty much successfully made it to 32 without ever having to cycle and it's never been an issue! I do have a bike but I would feel really weird going out on it!

Oh gosh @Prettybluepigeons that must have been awful.

I learned to ride as a child but have never been competent. I can just about pootle round center parks but am positively dangerous on the roads. I have tried and tried but am just crap at it. I fall off everytime I put my right arm out to indicate so can only turn left ! I am dyspraxic.

None of mine have bikes.
DS1 has hyper mobility so just can’t put enough strength into his ankles to pedal. Because he found it so hard (and has ASD) he just wouldn’t/couldn’t ride a bike and so we didn’t force the issue. Then because he didn’t like bikes we just didn’t do ‘going out on bikes’ as an activity with DD and then DS2 came along so we were out numbered so couldn’t do all 3.
We also don’t have storage for bikes so they ended up going rusty in garden and now they are tweens bikes are so expensive to even buy any to start getting DD and DS2 riding bikes.
Plus we live rural so lanes are not safe for bike riding and kids don’t go out on bikes like we used to when younger. Would be nice to go up the woods on a family bike ride but don’t have £1-2k spare to equip the 5 of us with bikes! Even second hand ones seem to go for loads.

I was your son - not a confident cyclist at all and felt quite pushed. Had a couple of nasty crashes as a child and now don’t ride at all. Hasn’t really been an issue for me - as you say it’s not a life saving skill like swimming. Plus when my husband cycles with my kids I can stay inside and drink hot chocolate

I have a bike averse DH and yes it has affected my life as we've not been able to go on cycling holidays and I can't go out for a ride with him. Walking is so boring in comparison!

I would encourage your ds to have another go. He might enjoy it, it provides freedom that you just don't get when you are walking around. If he doesn't well never mind. What he says to you may be very different to what he says to his grandparent.