Would even trying to get pregnant again be irresponsible?

[PaperCastle]

I have 2DC and the last 2 pregnancies have ended up being ectopic. I don’t feel done and want to try again. DH thinks I’m insane. The chances of another ectopic at this point are higher again. I have DC to think about. Would it be worth the risk? Or is it just irresponsible?

It's not a risk I would take. I have 2 DC and would like another really, but due to different health concerns we've decided not to have any more.

Nope having had an eptopic and pregnant with number 2, I know when not to push my luck.

Yes. You could end up leaving your two children motherless. Two eptopcs here, caught one early but the other one ruptured and I was in a bad way. You could pay privately for ivf.

Why did they leave them in? Are the scarred?

The Doctor said the risk of it happening again would be maybe 10-20%. I was surprised it would be that low. DH thinks it’s horrifically high risk. I would also have a scan at 5 weeks to check were everything is. To me that lowers the risk even further. I know it’s stupid but I don’t know how to let go of it.

No don't risk it.

Only you and DH can decide, OP.
Would IVF be within your reach?

@Codexdivinchi

Yes. You could end up leaving your two children motherless. Two eptopcs here, caught one early but the other one ruptured and I was in a bad way. You could pay privately for ivf.

Why did they leave them in? Are the scarred?

I have been looking at the mortality rate for ectopic pregnancies. It seems it’s around 2%. I’ve managed to convince myself that’s tiny and as the doctors know my history I would be under close review so it’s probably smaller than that. I know I’m trying to force something to be logical when it’s not at all.

IVF is too expensive. DH thinks it’s risky and stupid. We’ve had our millionth fight over it tonight. Why can’t I let it go? I know it’s risky and stupid too really.

Do you have to rush into making this decision? Could you leave it a year and take the time to relax and consider what’s best? What age are dc? A lot of women in here report when their little one is about 14 months old they seem to get the urge to have another one. It could be a hormonal thing?

I'm currently going through ectopic number 3. Had DS after the second one.
I'll have my tubes flushed and checked privately before we are trying again. I'm lucky that mine tend to be quite uneventful. First one resolved itself, second one caught at 8 weeks and sorted via laparoscopy and third one caught at 6 weeks and sorted with methotrexate. I don't tend to have any severe bleeding or pain or anything and the two later ones were diagnosed after routine checkups.
We will risk it again but I'm being closely monitored by my gynaecologist.

Weirdly, IVF treatment does not reduce your risk of ectopic pregnancy. It actually increases it.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/Ectopic-pregnancy/

As a mother I would never want to be put under the knife- removal of my tube took a long time to physically get over. No way would I cope with a LO to run after, let alone 2

Oh, and I've been advised to try IVF. We'll have a go with clearing my tubes first, which is what worked when we conceived DS. I'd it doesn't, we'll look into IVF. Our medical insurance covers three attempts and there is funding by the government for a fourth attempt if needed. (We are abroad at the moment.)

How old are your kids?

OP 10%-20% chance of ectopic pregnancy seems high, not “that low”.

@Emmmie

OP 10%-20% chance of ectopic pregnancy seems high, not “that low”.

You have a 10% risk after 1 ectopic and plenty of people seem to try again after that. So the risk hasn’t gone up that much in comparison is what I mean.

I’m surprised at that. I know medication the GP can give you can cause more eggs to be released but when you start IVF your eggs are harvested before they are due to be released and they ask you not to have unprotected sex before the transfer. ( so you’ve literally got nothing to get pregnant with as your eggs are in a Petri dish some where ) So maybe be the site has got the terminology wrong. Although women can get pregnant between cycles.

DC are 4 and 8. We’ve had a few miscarriages too. Doctors can never find anything wrong to explain what is happening or why. Age isn’t on our side either.

You already have 2 children and your husband is against it. Be happy with what you have.

I have a beautiful son through adoption and have lost pregnancies. The way you move on is by letting yourself grieve and also being so bloody grateful for what you do have you are more focused on that than anything else.

DH has said if I really want it he will agree. He wants 3 children too, he’s just worried about me. I am thankful for what we have. I know it sounds like I’m not. I’m just struggling to believe that it’s as bigger risk as we’ve been led to believe. 10-20% of ectopic with 2% risk of death. Except this must be smaller because of the early scan and blood tests we’d get. Surely the combined risk would be tiny.

Honestly, I'd go for it, but with close supervision. The mortality rate isn't 2% in the UK, but 0.2 per 1000 ectopic pregnancies, and most of that will be where there is a rupture, which is extremely unlikely to happen here, with the additional scans.

It's in poorer countries, where there isn't the same healthcare provision, or scans, that the mortality rate shoots up.

Ok - so doing the maths - 10% - 20% chance of ectopic and 2% chance of death if you have one. 15% * 2% is 0.3% so 3 in 1000.

Realistically your odds of dying are probably lower as you will presumably be scanned the moment you say “twinge” so you can probably put it down to 0.2% or 1 in 500.

Completely up to you (and your dh) whether that risk is too high for you.

Screenshot from Wikipedia on the mortality rate. Note, the 0.2 per 1000 ectopic pregnancies that I've mentioned was from NICE, so pretty official UK based information.

Hmnn, try again