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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think once your children get to a certain age and stage in life, you experience a second wind !

104 replies

Lardlizard · 28/07/2020 17:37

I just feel one coming on !
Like where you feel full of life and energy

OP posts:
KingOfDogShite · 29/07/2020 19:47

It all gets better when you can leave them in the house on their own for a bit - mine were 10&14 when that happened. Surprising how much better you feel when you have a bit of time on your own!

Monkeynuts18 · 29/07/2020 19:52

This thread is nice to read for me. My DS is one and I feel constantly guilty about going back to work and not treasuring every moment and not being there for every second of these precious baby years which will be the only time that parenting is enjoyable etc etc.

I know this isn’t quite the point of the thread but it’s nice to know the best of parenting could be yet to come.

DressesWithPockets · 29/07/2020 20:03

Thanks for this thread, it's really reassuring! My kids are 3 and 6... still hard work but not as utterly exhausting as they were, and I can see how things should slowly get less tiring from here.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/07/2020 20:20

Definitely. DS is 7 and life is so much easier than when he was a toddler.

I had him at 22 so he'll be an adult when I reach my 40s. I have a close friend in a similar position so I can imagine lots of holidays and impromptu pub trips in our 40s Grin

Willow4987 · 29/07/2020 20:49

Oh dear god I needed to hear this today. 2 under 2 years is FULL ON and I have absolutely no one IRL who’s at the same stage...as much as I love them (and probs would go again), it’s tough

LazyFace · 29/07/2020 20:50

Usually starts around the 3rd of September for me...Grin

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 29/07/2020 22:36

Just coming back to say thanks again for all the empathy on this thread. This is how I remember MN being years ago.

Recently I posted a thread where I'd snapped at 5yo DD at bedtime after a week of working till 1am every night and DD repeatedly not listening. One poster simply put "do better".

It is really nice to have a thread where no one tries to make anyone feel like shit.

Home42 · 29/07/2020 22:38

My only is 9 and this is so true... I feel I may have elements of MY life back so that I’m no longer just chief cook and bottle washer!

BackforGood · 29/07/2020 22:49

I think there are lots of small steps........

  • when you start sleeping through (well, that's a massive one)
  • when you don't have to plan everything around needing to get to a toilet instantly
  • when they can dress themselves / put on shoes / coat
  • when they can safely and consistently plug themselves into the car seat
  • (one of my favourites) - when they turn 8 and can go in the swimming pool without you
  • when you can leave them whilst you do some errands in the day - nip to the shop or the dentist or to have your hair cut
  • when you can go out in an evening without them
  • when they leave home and you don't know they haven't come home in the evening.

All of which give you a boost.

PotteryLottery · 29/07/2020 22:54

My 11 year old is almost my height and puts her arm around me when we walk into town and it is lovely.

She takes it away if she sees another pre-teen though.

ContessaferJones · 29/07/2020 22:58

Mine are 8 and 9 and I'm feeling it now. It's wonderful but also slightly 'the end is in sight' for both good and bad bits. Put it this way, I don't resist them snuggling in wth us anywhere near as much now, because I'm sure it will end in the next 3 years....

ChloeCC · 29/07/2020 23:27

I have a (actually very easy-going) 8 month baby and a three year old. I'm losing the will to live right now, to be honest. We're living in a 2 bed flat (trying hard to find a house) and the lockdown has felt like a terrible apocalyptic hell. I had my first at 38 and feel far too old for all this, despite being very fit and healthy (with a growing penchant for Freddo Frogs...).
I really need to believe it'll be easier in a few years. My relationship is fucked and I don't want to lose it. It's awful at the moment.
Reading this gives me hope. cx

KingscoteStaff · 29/07/2020 23:37

Two massive leaps for me - the moment when they could both scoot/cycle to the park (3 and 5?) and being able to send them on a non-road crossing trip to buy milk (7/8). Both gave them so much pride in their grown up ness.

And now they’re 16 + 18 and we’re leaving them for a week to go on holiday! I get to go and spend time with DH, who I really like!!

(Neighbours and granny primed to check up and dob them in it if nec.)

billy1966 · 29/07/2020 23:50

Husband and I used to love a pint very early in the evening, but hadn't had one in years.

Several years ago it was very special to be able to walk 5 minutes away, leaving them all happily at home, fed etc. at 6pm for a couple of pints.

It felt very freeing on the actually evening, like we were getting a piece of us back...

Funnily enough we have done it so rarely since after missing it for years.

It used to be our thing but clearly isn't any more.

There definitely is a second wind, but it can just blow in a different direction...mine now is a love of sport that we both enjoy playng together.

yummyscummymummy01 · 30/07/2020 00:32

I have a two year old twins and a four year old so not out of the woods yet but definitely out of the dark dark cave that was three under three.

Have recently felt things get a bit easier again and glad to hear that things generally continue in that direction!

MilkRunningOutAgain · 30/07/2020 07:56

This weekend DS is staying home and will look after the pets for us while we go away! He is 17. My DD is coming with us, she is 14 and is going to make 2 huge cakes (it’s a 60 th birthday family party delayed since May because of Covid) to bring with us for the party. It’s great- they can be so helpful! DD will make cakes while I work from home today and DS will be off to his part time job for a long shift. I have not had to nag them to get them to do their schoolwork since lockdown, they have both just got on with it, DD in particular has really put effort in. It is all so much easier and had loads of rewards.

SummerBlossom · 30/07/2020 08:02

So what's the magic age again? 10?

My youngest is 5 and no end in sight. Does the sibling rivalry and whining get better? I was just thinking I dont find life fun anymore. I love dcs but I dont personally enjoy anything anymore (e.g.i used to love skiing hiking cycling and now I dont)

Ohsuchaperfectday · 30/07/2020 08:36

Yes. Just the fact you don't need to have eyes on them all-day every day!
Being able to be in different rooms! It's a wonderful feeling. I couldn't do it all again with a small dc.

seeingdots · 30/07/2020 08:38

I have a 1 and 3 year old and the idea of this is all that keeps me going some days!

Ohsuchaperfectday · 30/07/2020 08:38

5 was the magic age with one dc, it was incredible. The other.... Still getting there at nearly 8!

KingscoteStaff · 30/07/2020 10:57

@SummerBlossom Have faith! All those days ski ing slowly backwards in front of them or stopping every half hour for a hot chocolate are completely worth it when you can all ski/hike/cycle together as a family!

Those are the family holidays/activities that last the longest so it’s worth putting the effort in!

SummerBlossom · 30/07/2020 12:06

Thanks @KingscoteStaff. This thread is the most hopeful i've seen in months.

While we have some nice weekend walks etc, sometimes I find even cycling round the block stressful. One of my DCs is stupidly reckless, the other annoyingly cautious. I'm like an army general who doesn't understand kids and lost command, so generally physical activities don't pan out well.

Also they whinge every 15 minutes about everything (it's too cold, it's too hot, draw me a uni fucking corn, why does she get to sit that side of table/car, you gave him more food than me, i'll do my homework/go for a walk if you [insert reverse threat or bribe]). They are always negotiating, always fighting, always asking for food and always finding mischief if your eyes are not on them 24/7.

I found the baby to preschool stage many times easier because they are under your "control" and easier to keep alive. You pop them on your bike child trailer/seat, they eat less, take a stroller for a walk, leave them in a creche to ski. Zero sibling rivalry as parallel existence at those ages. Sibling rivalry is a huge issue for me due to their close age gap (13 months) and opposing personalities.

AnotherBiteMe · 30/07/2020 13:11

I e and 30 and 18 now and I'm late 40's. Its amazing.

I think from about 6 it's gets easier, 11 a bit more easier and then 15 (if you have good teens) its a walk in the park.

DarkHelmet · 30/07/2020 17:55

10 does seem to be the magic number here!

chocolatemonster · 30/07/2020 19:10

I like the freedom of being able to go out without them but there are downsides. They are nocturnal particularly in lockdown. DD has one level - loud!

Also not sure how relaxed I would feel leaving an 18 and 17 yr old home alone for a long period of time and going on holiday - in case they had a party!!!