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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ice cream - am I a monster?

104 replies

FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/07/2020 14:19

The DC behaved like utter knobs in a shop today. Not normal for them - they're generally well-behaved and I don't have to remind them about their behaviour. One kicked the other, the other called the kicker a knob and both were sent to stand outside in disgrace.

As a consequence (I'd just bought ice creams from the shop) I said they were banned from them til tomorrow. The ice cream man has just pulled up outside our house and both DC flew down the stairs shouting with glee - DH stood up and said he'd take them, I said "no, their behaviour in the shop means no ice cream today" and I have been told that neither of them plans to speak to me again til I am very old.

AIBU to stand firm? DH heard me say no ice cream to them when we came home from the shop but clearly ignored it because he's soft in the head, and both DC are complaining that I am outrageous for holding firm on this. DH isn't usually one for giving in but over lockdown he's relaxed a huge amount with the DC and seems to be letting things slide far more.

(Also, this is lighthearted but also slightly not - it's a DH problem, isn't it?)

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 28/07/2020 16:08

My mil said she always smacked both to make sure she got the right one so standing firm is just an extension of this.

Original poster
FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/07/2020 16:10

@CeibaTree

I usually agree with following through with consequences, but I do feel sorry for the one who was kicked having the same punishment as the kicker. I don't think you can complain that they used the word 'knob' though as they obviously get that word from you: 'The DC behaved like utter knobs in a shop today'
Writing on MN to (what I'd hope are) adults that they behaved like knobs doesn't mean I use that word to them. Do children learn swear words by cell osmosis now? I think it's highly likely my 14 year old knew the word knob before I typed it on here.
OP posts:
Original poster
FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/07/2020 16:11

@PablosHoney that's brilliant!

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/07/2020 16:12

@Fluffycloudland77

My mil said she always smacked both to make sure she got the right one so standing firm is just an extension of this.
I have no words...
Original poster
FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/07/2020 16:14

@Fluffycloudland77

My mil said she always smacked both to make sure she got the right one so standing firm is just an extension of this.
That's another level. Not sure I'm quite there yet.
OP posts:
xmummy2princesx · 28/07/2020 16:15

YANBU at all!

Fishfingersandwichplease · 28/07/2020 16:16

Oh wow l had this exact same thing yesterday - DD was rude to my mum whilst playing a board game so l told her no Roblox, this brought on a meltdown and my mum told me l am too hard on DD but actually how will they learn that behaviour is unacceptable if they still get rewards?? You were right OP!

CeibaTree · 28/07/2020 16:17

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius meh children pick up words from their parents all the time. I wasn't really being particularly judgy about it though - slight over reaction from you! I personally wouldn't have a problem if one of my kids used a choice insult if they were kicked, but the OP obviously does have a problem with them using the word 'knob'..

OhioOhioOhio · 28/07/2020 16:18

I did the no ice cream thing in a shop the other day. The shock of it kept good behavior up for about a week after. Definitely don't ruin it for yourself, or them, by backing down.

InTheWings · 28/07/2020 16:21

I have been told that neither of them plans to speak to me again til I am very old

Grin

I got "I hope a massive dragon comes down from the sky and lands on your head and pokes you with its sharp claws and burns you with its flames" from DS aged 3 after a 'no ice cream' incident.

Luckily it never did.

CeibaTree · 28/07/2020 16:23

@FudgeBrownie2019 Fair enough, but it's a pretty mild word - you are using about your children for example - so why was it not ok that your child called the other one a knob when they got kicked? It's not like they used the c-word so not really fair that they got the same punishment. Anyway as you say in your OP this is all pretty lighthearted :)

LilaButterfly · 28/07/2020 16:29

@InTheWings thats almost cute! So imaginative!

Juliehooligan · 28/07/2020 16:35

Just think of the peace and quiet you will have if they’re not speaking to you!

OhCaptain · 28/07/2020 16:36

I might feel a bit guilty depriving the kickee but I know people feel very strongly about kids swearing so they wouldn’t be on par for me, but totally understand that they are for some!

I might let the kickee have a biscuit later as a “don’t call people a knob but you weren’t violent so that’s slightly better” thing.

The knob would remain treatless till tomorrow.Wink

Original poster
FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/07/2020 16:41

@OhCaptain I don't feel especially strongly about children swearing, but when we're out and about in a shop I don't expect it at all. But then nor do I expect kicking. Today is being written off, no knobbery tomorrow!

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 28/07/2020 16:44

I’d be the same, to be fair! The only thing you did wrong was pass up the opportunity to get yourself a 99!

nanbread · 28/07/2020 16:52

I agree with the PP who said not to use food as punishment. Don't know how old both of your children are but I'd probably have cut them a bit of slack it being their first time in a shop for months too. They might have been playing up due to anxiety etc. Being sent out of the shop and a telling off feels like an appropriate punishment to me in itself...

Lifeisgenerallyfun · 28/07/2020 16:54

Add DH to the ice cream ban

PlanDeRaccordement · 28/07/2020 16:57

Knob isn’t even a swear word.

PablosHoney · 28/07/2020 16:58

Is it not 🤔

PablosHoney · 28/07/2020 16:59

Dick, cock, knob, pussy. All on the same raft all mild expletives I’d say.

IncrediblySadToo · 28/07/2020 17:03

I have been told that neither of them plans to speak to me again til I am very old

Ask them to clarify if that's a promise or a threat.

If it's a promise....bliss....

In DH's defence maybe he was just thinking they're not allowed this thing DW has put in the freezer, then wasn't really thinking about it being 'ice cream' (banned in the freezer) when the van came. If you're not there when the bad behaviour happens and they're normally good kids who would be allowed an ice cream from the van it was probably lack of thought rather than undermining you.

I want ice cream now, just as well we haven't any in really!

FlamingoAndJohn · 28/07/2020 17:04

@PlanDeRaccordement

Knob isn’t even a swear word.
It’s not a swear word as such but not one I would use in front of my grandmother for example.

I love the thing upthread with the dad not getting the kids anything from McDonalds.

Original poster
FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/07/2020 17:27

@PlanDeRaccordement

Knob isn’t even a swear word.
No, I wouldn't count it as a swear word really. But it's also not a word to shout across the Co-Op when you're 14. If it was in our house I'd probably have asked him not to say it again and let it go - stood in the local shop it's a bit "she's no control over those kids" when one turns into Cato and the other into Father Jack Hackett.
OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 28/07/2020 17:33

Still you’ve given him no allowance for the fact he was just kicked. If I stub my toe, I’m bound to say a FFS or something. I think the punishment is wrong for the boy that was kicked. You should be allowed a mild expletive when you just been physically assaulted. And not punished for it. Now not only has his brother hurt him, but his brother has cost him ice cream.