Ice cream - am I a monster?

[FudgeBrownie2019]

The DC behaved like utter knobs in a shop today. Not normal for them - they're generally well-behaved and I don't have to remind them about their behaviour. One kicked the other, the other called the kicker a knob and both were sent to stand outside in disgrace.

As a consequence (I'd just bought ice creams from the shop) I said they were banned from them til tomorrow. The ice cream man has just pulled up outside our house and both DC flew down the stairs shouting with glee - DH stood up and said he'd take them, I said "no, their behaviour in the shop means no ice cream today" and I have been told that neither of them plans to speak to me again til I am very old.

AIBU to stand firm? DH heard me say no ice cream to them when we came home from the shop but clearly ignored it because he's soft in the head, and both DC are complaining that I am outrageous for holding firm on this. DH isn't usually one for giving in but over lockdown he's relaxed a huge amount with the DC and seems to be letting things slide far more.

(Also, this is lighthearted but also slightly not - it's a DH problem, isn't it?)

@slipperywhensparticus The 9 year old said about not speaking to me again til I'm very old. DH had the sense to immediately tell me he has a work call so scuttled back to his office and is still in there on his call.

In DH's defence he's not one for doing this - we are usually quite definite about backing one another up. I think the DC sensed his moment of weakness and took it as a cue to behave even more badly. The 9 year old cried when he realised the ice cream man had driven away so I think he got the message - crying over something like this is very unlike him, though, so I've left him on the sofa while I do a few emails.

There's a huge difference between using ordinary, essential food as a reward / punishment and doing that with treat food. Ice cream is definitely not essential!

Big one with double flakes for you to eat in front of them

and I have been told that neither of them plans to speak to me again til I am very old
Result!!!!!
Eat your ice-cream in peace and quiet and enjoy your new peaceful life!

Yep, no ice cream and no treats or anything bare minimal care until they stop their rudeness and disrespect.

I agree that the ice cream should be denied to the child who kicked the other but I feel a bit sorry for the other one! I think I'd probably call someone something worse than a knob if they kicked me!

Granted I've only trained animals rather than children but you have to follow through what you say, else all you've trained them to do is see your commands as optional.

I'm guessing it's fairly similar with children? In which case, good play. I see too many kids whose parents cave in for an easier life (in the short term only, I should imagine) or because they don't want to be 'mean'.

Stand firm - you are withholding ice cream not insulin.

A few minutes peace and not paying for over priced ice cream. Sounds like a win win.

The reason your dc usually behave nicely is that you stick to your guns. Covid has upended so much I think we have all been parenting a little differently just to get through the day. If you give in, you risk loosing the good behaviour that you want as they will think that they can talk you or DH round next time they are playing up...and so it continues

@strawberrypip

I agree that the ice cream should be denied to the child who kicked the other but I feel a bit sorry for the other one! I think I'd probably call someone something worse than a knob if they kicked me!

I hadn't really thought of that. Feeling guilty now because if someone kicked me I'd definitely call them a knob at the very least.

You're not to be messed with. It's good they know this.

100% follow through with the no ice cream. DD’s behaviour has slipped during the pandemic because she’s bored and unsettled. However, I don’t cave because it’s a slippery slope to her thinking she’ll get what she wants regardless of her behaviour.

I don't think the one who was kicked should have been punished. His sibling was being a knob

I feel sorry for the one who was kicked too. You’ve just lumped both them in with the same punishment when one of them was the actual victim. The kicker needs to be disciplined, beyond just withdrawing ice cream.

@BarbedBloom

I don't think the one who was kicked should have been punished. His sibling was being a knob

That depends. Why did the sibling kick? If they were provoked, they are both at fault. Kicker more at fault but provoker isn’t blameless.

Don’t threaten what you’re not prepared to carry through. No ice cream means no ice cream. Don’t give in, or they’ll know they can win.

My sister and I were those kids - she (the older) would wind me up until I snapped and we would both get punished. But I usually got my revenge...

You are only a monster because you did not buy me one. I have only been whining on her for months about a Mr Whippy!!

Oh and Every day is Duvet Day is cruel for sending the picture in!!

Follow through. ABC. Actions Bring Consequences.

Dunno, even if one of them was “provoked”, kicking is an extreme reaction. Resorting to violence is not acceptable, frankly they’ll grow up to be an aggressive person if they continue on this tangent. But if the other one was intentionally provoking them and being nasty, especially in front of you (the parents), you should have stepping in and stopped them.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing both of them were being ridiculous, doing that low-level teasing thing. The'd played a board game earlier where there was an accusation of cheating and the one who kicked was being teased by the one who'd accused him of cheating, lost his temper and lashed out.

Neither has set foot inside a shop since early March but we'd been out to get their hair cut so popped in on our way home to grab some lunch and essentials. As I said, they're generally very well-behaved and I'd assumed they'd grown out of the squabbling, but clearly me buying a loaf of bread and dithering over tomatoes was too much for them.

On the plus side it's very quiet here.

I once had to revoke McDonalds from one child who behaved like an arsehole. Other child got McDs. Naughty child did not and oh, he howled. I received a sullen note saying 'Mummy is very rood'. He learned I mean business though!!

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

Big one with double flakes for you to eat in front of them

I so regret not having one now!

@ContessaferJones

I once had to revoke McDonalds from one child who behaved like an arsehole. Other child got McDs. Naughty child did not and oh, he howled. I received a sullen note saying 'Mummy is very rood'. He learned I mean business though!!

I love this, "rood" is brilliant!