Why am I getting comments about my weight

[Flyingnutsack]

I don’t perceive myself as overweight. I am not thin but I am not overweight. I have had comments recently saying I am “quite big” and every time I ask DH if I am slim he says I am “curvy and attractive.” Then he laughs.

I am 5’8 And I weigh 64-65kg from day to day (depending on water retention). I am not lying or deluding myself. These are my numbers.

Does that seem “big” to you?

OP I’m a similar height to you and have been that weight in the past. Based on that my guess is that you’re a size 10 and therefore not “big” in the slightest. I love to be that size again!

Whoever is telling you you’re big is trying to make you feel insecure. I’d give them a wide berth if I were you.

I’m about the same height and weight, and people always comment on me being quite slim. I used to weigh around 5-6kg less and then I was constantly told I was skinny.

It will depend on where you carry weight and your overall shape, but I don’t think you can possibly be big at that height and weight.

What's wrong with being curvy? Halle Berry is curvy, Kate Middleton is not. Just a different body shape.

5'8 is fairly tall. You will seem quite imposing compared to most other women.
Throw in curves and other attractiveness and you really will 'stand out'.

I think that this might be what is prompting people calling you 'big'.
It could also just be that they are a bunch of not very nice people trying to make you feel bad.

Here is a gallery of women with your height and weight.
I certainly wouldn't call any of them 'fat' - but I can see how much shorter women might consider them 'big'.
app.mybodygallery.com/#/?height=173&weight=45

Why shouldn't a woman be big? Why is big a bad word when used in conjunction with female?

how could that remotely be a compliment? Unless it means really tall and strong and slim, there's nothing positive about being big.

If your colleagues area calling you a ‘big unit’ (rude! and unprofessional!) it sounds to me as if they mean very tall and quite muscular and strong. I think men make these kind of comments to make them feel less inferior when a woman looks like she could beat them in a fight . Are you much taller than all the other women at your work? That might make you seem ‘bigger’ (as in, taller). Your DH maybe genuinely believes ‘curvy’ is the word that best suits your body other than ‘slim’. That’s not a bad thing. Curvy has been co-opted by overweight people but it does not mean fat. It means the opposite really, that you go in and out in all the ‘right’ places, like an hour glass. He’s maybe laughing as he feels like he’s being backed into a corner and can’t say the right thing. My DH does this if he feels like there’s a ‘right answer’ that he doesn’t know, then jokes that he wants his lawyer! Your mother on the other hand needs a very stern talking to if she is commenting negatively on your body in front of your daughter. That is absolutely atrocious, regardless of your size, and she should be really, really ashamed of herself.

@SantaClaritaDiet

Why shouldn't a woman be big? Why is big a bad word when used in conjunction with female?

how could that remotely be a compliment? Unless it means really tall and strong and slim, there's nothing positive about being big.

I don't understand this. Your height and build is your height and build. It's neither positive nor negative. Small men are fine. Big women are fine. What an awfully narrow and judgemental attitude towards perfectly normal bodies.

You sound pretty much what I would love to be- tall and slim and strong. You cannot possibly be 'fat' at your height and weight.

Re your DM- mine does this, comments endlessly about and to me wrt my weight, shape, changes to either, blah blah blah. I used to be hurt by it, now I laugh at her- how sad that she cares this much about someone else's weight and size! She has always been obsessed with my having a giant bum and fat legs (no one else says I do but since I was 4 she has been adamant I do the loon).

I don't know what's going on with your colleagues, it sounds as if someone is enjoying winding you up? As for your DH, tell him how much this is getting to you- if he continues to say things you have let him know are unhelpful you have a problem, but he is likely once he realises he is contributing to your feeling so upset to change his ways, surely?

Maybe big because of your height? I would think that weight would make you look very slim at that height. I’m 5ft 2, and that’s my goal weight range ( I know BMI makes me overweight but I carry more muscle and don’t mind looking a little chubby).

It's so interesting people saying a weight must be a certain size like an 8-10 .. I'm lighter and the same height as OP and an M&S 12 (certainly be a top shop massive) at least a 14 if not 16 there. So it must down to how much muscle v fat and where their body stores it.

I'm 2 inches shorter and 2kg heavier and although I'd like to lose a few kg - I'm not over weight. And neither are you!

I think it's the muscular bit that is giving everyone that perception of you. The comments you mentioned seem to be in line with that. But how bloody rude of these people?
Are you asking them for their opinions? It's odd that they would just drop these lines without asking /context?

I am 5'8" and 62kg. I'm slim in general but I have some excess on my stomach. Posture doesn't help. I used to be 53-55kg before children so the difference is very noticeable to me. Other people would generally regard me as slim, though.

I think bust size makes a difference, too. I'm very small busted, so even a few cm on my waist really shows, because I haven't got a big 'shelf' to contrast with it.

Your DH is being an arse, please tell him so. I used to have a colleague who was 5ft 10 tall and a size 12/14 and the office letch called her a big girl to her face. She wasn't overweight at all, he just couldn't keep his comments and his eyes to himself.

I don't understand and unless you post a pic then who are we to judge. I'm 5.4, 11 stone, wear size 12 and get told I look slim! I don't think I am. I am very in proportion though so maybe that helps.

It sounds as though your colleagues are commenting on your height and don't mean it as an insult to your weight. Your DH is refusing to say you're slim because to him 'slim' is associated with a different body shape. You're a healthy BMI. You're fit and strong. You're a size 10/12.

Yes I also think you are 'big' in the sense that you are tall. I don't feel especially tall but in my workplace most of the women are between 5' and 5'2" with a very petite build. Even in flat shoes I tower over them and probably seem like a giantess.

The rudeness is another matter. That needs challenging.

BackwardsGoing

because "big" doesn't usually relate to height but to width. You don't really hear a basketball player described as "big". Usually a big girl means chubby.

It's not about your built, it's about the amount of weight you put on it.

I'm 75kg and 6'1". I have a very broad stature. At 75kg I am a size 16/18. I could lose a few pounds but it's such a struggle that I just accept this is my lot now. I'll never be petite, I'll never be slim, that's just not my body type. I'm also a pear shape.

This seems like the perfect time for you to use the old MN favourite "do you mean to be so rude?"

As others have said, challenge the critics, not your body shape/weight/dress size if you're happy! A size 10/12 certainly isn't overweight at your height. (I on the other hand couldn't get a 12 past my thigh 😂)

You're about the same height/weight/dress size as I am and people are always telling me how slim I look and that they envy my figure (which I don't think is that great, but anyway). I think the comment-makers are trying to mess with your head.

By the way, I hope you're teaching your DD that it is very rude to comment on how people look.

Why do you keep asking your DH if you are slim?

@SantaClaritaDiet

BackwardsGoing

because "big" doesn't usually relate to height but to width. You don't really hear a basketball player described as "big". Usually a big girl means chubby.

It's not about your built, it's about the amount of weight you put on it.

But if you are tall, as OP is, you should be wider so as to be in proportion. Or if you are a certain build (and I'm not talking overweight, just natural build) because of your genetics or your athleticism then that's fine too.

It smacks of sexism and, frankly, racism i.e. women should be petite and dainty, men should be tall and strong. I loathe it. There's examples of female athletes like Jess Ennis being told they were fat when they absolutely were not.

I used to be very fit and muscly at your weight, although I'm an inch shorter. I am now a similar weight but not as muscular and frankly I look "smaller" now.

I think I was wearing clothes that weren't particularly good for the shape I had then. I would think I looked OK in my swimming costume at the pool for example, but would catch sight of myself in jeans and t-shirt in a shop and think "Crikey, I look massive". Age and changes to contraception/hormones as well as doing a lot of exercise had really changed my body shape, whereas I had always been a pear shape.

My mum does say sometimes about me having inherited her big thighs, but I just roll my eyes. That's about her complexes rather than mine. It sounds like your kids are just parroting what your mum is saying and your OH is winding you up (without justifying what he's saying, I wonder if he thinks that you couldn't possibly think you're big, hence why he thinks it's a joke but I'd still clean the loo with his toothbrush if he kept on )

I think the crux of the matter is related to this:

Flyingnutsack - “I really don't understand it, it has given me a bit of a complex recently.“

The comments are intended to undermine you. To make you unsure and worry. Had you been feeling happy up until they started in? Content in the family life you helped create? Confident in your abilities at work?

Some people like to be supportive and celebrate your successes with you. Others through jealousy or some other perceived slight prefer to tear you down or at least taint your happiness.

If they can’t be as happy/content/confident/capable as you are (or even just appear to be) then out roll the little digs, snide comments and nasty little comments. Nothing so direct as ‘fat’ (or lazy or stupid or whatever they want to imply) just something close enough to that to
a) make you question yourself/abilities
b) be deniable as a ‘joke’ or ‘not what I meant at all’
c) keep you off balance and questioning even more aspects you were previously sure of/happy with.

Its nasty, its insidious and seems impossible to root out & stop (choice of let it continue or be accused of making a fuss over ‘nothing‘)

I don’t know the answer at all but I have started calling it out as many times as I can with something like, “I am happy with ‘x’, ‘y’ comment seems designed to suck the joy out of it, that’s not going to change how I feel about ‘x’ but it might change how I feel about you.”

I’m early doors in trying this but so far it has improved at least 2 main family relationships. And disappeared a ‘friend’ my base level of happiness has been greatly improved.

I hope if you have been happy with your own damn body you can call out this undermining BS and keep on looking and feeling beautiful in your own skin

Some people are weird about tall women.