DH and my weight

[Pachelbelle]

My weight has fluctuated over the 20 plus years we've been together. DH is too nice to comment on it however I've noticed that his behaviour towards me changes when I gain weight and changes again when I lose it. For example he is much more attentive and affectionate when I'm slim and pays me a lot of compliments and puts his arm around me frequently when we're out and is more protective of me. When I've gained weight in the past this behaviour goes and he almost treats me like another bloke although he obviously still loves and cares for me. AIBU to be a bit hurt by this although I'm not even sure he realises he's doing it - I think it's subconscious.

Well the xylophone comment is vile ...sorry to offend. I gave been THAT skinny before but fat people get similar grief on a far bigger scale.

I think it's kind of the other way around with my dh. I think as it's subconscious it's not worth being offended by. He clearly loves you loads.

@malificent7

Well the xylophone comment is vile ...sorry to offend. I gave been THAT skinny before but fat people get similar grief on a far bigger scale.

If Russell Howard had said "men generally don't want to shag a whale" for example, would you also have stated..... I loved Russel Howard's take on women and weight?

For all the people saying they'd fancy their partners the same no matter what, does that mean you'd find them every bit as attractive if they lost every hair on their body? Or their teeth? And presumably you must all be open to people of any gender definition, as you're all about someone's soul and not their outward appearance?

My DH is currently carrying quite a lot of weight and his BMI just tipped 30, it's as a result of medication and lockdown and I love him just the same, but don't feel as much physical attraction as when he was a bit slimmer. It's not just the appearance, it's also that sex is less comfortable, and he's less energetic and more prone to heavy sweating and snoring, neither of which are very sexy. I love him the same, would never tell him to lose weight and so long as he's happy and healthy, will support and love him however he looks - but that doesn't necessarily mean I can make my brain fancy sex just as much no matter what.

Thanks to everyone for contributing such interesting points of view. Although most people think I'm being unreasonable (currently 70%) for feeling disappointed that my husband is more attentive when I'm slimmer I'm still pleased I started this thread as it's made me feel better as the general consensus appears to be that we can't help what we're attracted to (despite us still loving a person) and he prefers the version of me which is the one that initially attracted him - ie me at my lowest weight. I once read that men are attracted to perceived fertility which has something to do with hip/waist ratio. And actually although his weight gain doesn't bother me, I own up to not fancying him as much in lockdown when his hair looked really bad so that makes me something of a hypocrite I guess!