Be the big person or .. not?

[Whathewhatnow]

Ok, I'm completely throwing myself open to the mumsnet jury here.

I had a short 3 month relationship with someone who I loved. I was vulnerable but not helpless. Am a closet badass. He was a bit of a shit.
He dumped me on valentines day evening

Incredibly stupidly I went back to him.

Reader... do I really need to tell you what happened next? He dumped me. Again.

Begged me for friendship after. Adored me apparently.

Until now. When he doesnt really want to keep in touch because I dont understand him. Apparently.

I am very bitter. I gave him a great deal of practical help whilst going through a difficult time.

I have his login details for a site he values because he cannot manage to administer it himself:

Yabu, leave the site alone
Yanbu: change his password and take the bastard down ;)

No pressure.

Take him down. Childish, but he started it by being emotionally incontinent.

Thanks Oiboi. That is my inclination. As you might have guessed 🤣

100% fuck the fucker up 😬

Walk away with your dignity

Oh how I wish I did this when I also had that sort of chance. Bring him down! 💪

He cannot manage to administer it himself??
Blimey....he's draining isn't he.

Give him the password and then skip off into the rest of your life knowing that you're free of him

Don't be so childish.

He's obviously fucked up.

Just walk away. So it was a 3 month 'relationship'. Just move on.

I would hope maintaining your dignity is more valuable than some petty revenge that won't solve anything. Perhaps take some responsibility for making the poor choice to take him back when you clearly knew what type of man he is.

Oh it was a really, really, REALLY poor choice alright. My bad. I am learning.

I've blocked the fucker and deleted lots of his important stuff.
He does not get to take what he needs from me and leave me high and dry.

I dont care that that is juvenile. I am SICK of always being the better person.

Pretty spectacularly childish and bitter. Using someone's private details just to do them over because a 3 month relationship didn't work out is pretty pathetic if we're all being honest here.

It’s an offence under the Computer Misuse Act, apart from anything else, to access someone else’s online accounts without their permission.

I have the proverbial food in my fridge older than your “relationship”. I appreciate it hurts and you’re upset it didn’t end by your own control, but don’t be so childish.

Hahahaha @Whathewhatnow you just did what every woman knows they would really do, not what they would admit to on MN. Good for you 🥂

I do appreciate it was very childish but it was really very minor. A technical inconvenience. I havent stolen his intellectual property.

He used me as a narcissistic supply for months. His supply just went poof. Oh dear!

I bet you're more angry at yourself for allowing him to make a fool out of you, again and again, than you are at him. Time to grow up.

St Valentine's Day dumping is grim. There's a romantic purgatory for people who choose to wait and dump on St Valentine's, Christmas, birthdays and when away on holiday.

Has he noticed yet, OP?

I suppose it could have been worse, instead of dropping the site, it could have been defaced in a hack or re-route contact details and traffic to unfortunate destinations.

Good luck in your next relationship.

I'm very angry at myself. You are correct. But I'm more angry at him. He has behaved appallingly, and what is more, I am absolutely sick to the back teeth of women like me always having to be the bigger person... meaning, roll over, take it, dont make a fuss, hold your head. Well fuck that.

Tomorrow I will walk away. Tomorrow I will be proud and dignified. But tonight, nah. For the first time in 43 years. Nah.

@StormzyInaDCup

Hahahaha *@Whathewhatnow* you just did what every woman knows they would really do, not what they would admit to on MN. Good for you 🥂

You say that as if plenty of us haven’t been fucked over by arseholes and don’t know how we would act. Whereas here in the real world, outside of your imagination, plenty of us have been there, got the t-shirt, ranted/cried on MN/to friends and then got on with our lives without doing anything childish or petty to get him back.

@Zilla1 I am only contemplating a relationship with my kids and my dog and my brilliant supportive friends at the moment. So much simpler. But thank you!

OP, that's when confident and not looking for a relationship tends to find a relationship.

I honestly do now think, if it happens it happens, and if it doesn't I have so much to fill my life. I do really hope to meet someone one day, but I'm not hanging on it.

I appreciate everyone's views. I know I will wake up in the morning with mixed feelings but a really healthy dose of fuck you, you total bastard

Onwards and upwards.

Makes you look bitter and it’s quite childish as well, unless you had a long term relationship, and he hurt you beyond dumping you on Valentine’s Day, and your very young then why would you? People get finished with all the time, and your no different, don’t be that “woman scorned” woman, be that woman that got her head together and moved on.

Good luck

...and realised her self worth

Meant to add ^^ this to my post

@StormzyInaDCup I am not the type to lie about much and so I am not in the “not admitting it on MN” camp, we are all strangers here so what’s the point of lying about something so silly?! Yes I know the internet is full of bullshitters but this subject won’t be one of those ones, imo anyway.

He was my best friend for 4 years prior. 3 month sexual relationship but it wasn't a flash in the pan thing. My judgement is fucked. I was emotionally neglected as a young person. In my defence.

We all have issues from the past that make us act a certain way now but you must move on from this, I know you are hurt but please for your own sake, don’t do it OP!