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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed at this or am I ouverte acting ?

96 replies

AnastarziaAnaqway · 27/07/2020 21:39

Have a new boyfriend and told friends in advance he would be staying with me this coming week, that it would be great for them to meet him.

None have kids, none are vulnerable/shielding etc. Some working, some on furlough and all driving/living within 5 miles.

Anyway sent a text out on the whatsapp group suggesting a perfectly socially distanced meet up (and less than 6 of us, not even sure if 6 is still the limit)

No replies whatsoever, but read, not even to say, 'sorry I can't make it but another time.'

I've not suggested anything that's massively inconvenient to any of them, they've already met up with me so don't think it's about Covid, just a bit disappointed.
If I was introducting different men constantly I could maybe understand but it's the first serious boyfriend of mine they have met in years.

He's here for a week, the meetup won't cost them anything and is max 10-15 minutes' drive for them all.

Would you be disappointed at the lack of effort and not even replying to me ?

OP posts:
Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 12:26

I have yes, i've just followed up with a specific date, if it's ignored again i'm leaving

OP posts:
RyanBergarasTeeth · 28/07/2020 12:32

Rude rude rude i would just fuck them off and leave the group. Real friends dont act lile that. And i hate the shitty excuses for rudeness on here.

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 12:33

I agree it's rude, it doesn't take days. It makes me think of another friend of mine whose crush sometimes takes 4 days to reply. Last time she told me, "Oh he's just busy preparing his trip."
4 days to pack a bag ? Hmm

OP posts:
RiftGibbon · 28/07/2020 12:50

Rude. There are no excuses. But as others have said, if you're leaving the group, don't flounce as that'll give them something to bitch about.
Enjoy the extra time with your boyfriend instead!

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 12:53

Honestly if they do bitch about me, that's the confirmation that they aren't true friends so kinda done me a favour in the end!
No reply to my follow up yet haha

OP posts:
AlrightTreacle · 28/07/2020 12:53

Well to be brutally honest, I'd be waiting for a date to be set so that I could politely say I couldn't make it. I try to avoid plans that involve couple things tbh.

I like/love my friends, and I do like some of their boyfriends, but they're not people I would choose to send my free time with tbh. Also if your boyfriends aren't friends then it can be a bit awkward bringing along your own partner, a bit like an enforced playdate for the boys.

As an example, I have a group of friends with 4 other girls, their partners are...

  1. Painfully shy but lovely.
  2. A complete knob who I'd happily never see again.
  3. Nice but really boring.
  4. Nice enough but plainly doesn't want to be dragged a long.

Number 4 always asks if my boyfriend is going to any couple events, which is awkward cos my boyfriend finds him quite annoying.

Call me harsh but I just wouldn't be bothered about meeting a friends boyfriend of a couple of months.

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 12:55

That's fine if they don't it's just that i've made a lot of effort for them, met all their partners and as I mentioned shelling out a fortune for their hen dos/weddings etc. And they can't even spare an hour.

OP posts:
Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 28/07/2020 13:01

They're being extremely rude. Even if they really just don't want to go, it takes 10 seconds to reply to a WhatsApp and pretend that you have a work thing. Job done.

I think this shows how little they care about you that they can't even be bothered to make up an excuse as to why they can't come. They just don't bother replying at all.

Having read your updates I would say ditch them. You deserve better.

Reallybadidea · 28/07/2020 13:03

That sounds really hurtful. Personally, I wouldn't overtly leave the group, maybe mute the conversation and phase them out.

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 13:06

I just feel like if I mute the convo and say if they ask me something in the future, if I don't reply it makes me just as bad as them ?

OP posts:
Justjoshin22 · 28/07/2020 13:13

It’s rude, definitely. I’d definitely follow up on the message before leaving the group, just a ‘hi all, hope you’re having a good week. What’s you thoughts on the message I sent, are you free to meet xx?’
And then leave it. I’d expect them to get back to you sooner but I wouldn’t react too badly after 24 hours.
Only you know the dynamics of your friendships and whether they’re being deliberately rude or whether they’re just slow to reply

spoons123 · 28/07/2020 13:27

If they message you in future, just take a really long time to respond and say 'sorry, just seen this, been mega busy'.

Reallybadidea · 28/07/2020 13:28

@AnastarziaAnaqway

I just feel like if I mute the convo and say if they ask me something in the future, if I don't reply it makes me just as bad as them ?
I would just check messages every few days and just decline everything, if you're not interested in continuing the friendship.

Alternatively, you could say what you've said on here, that you're hurt that nobody can make it, much less bother to reply to say so. I suspect you'll come off looking a bit dramatic so easier just to let the friendship slide IMHO.

AlrightTreacle · 28/07/2020 13:36

Or you could call them out on what you see as their shitty rude behaviour?

If they don't reply after a couple of days, tbh I would just send a message saying that you're disappointed that they've not replied to such a specific message, and either ask if everything is okay (I don't know your friends, but some of mine can take a while to reply when they are anxious or depressed, I don't take it personally). Or just call them out and say they're being rude.

AlrightTreacle · 28/07/2020 13:43

Also the friend who didn't come to your birthday drinks cos she was skint was making a shit excuse. I often used to go out with £1.50 when I was on a budget, I wouldn't have used it as an excuse to miss a friends birthday drinks unless it was somewhere with fixed costs.

I'd phase her out for that alone tbh.

piscean10 · 28/07/2020 17:41

Yanbu they arent good friends let alone friends at all. I would exit without an explanation. They dont even deserve that.

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 18:49

The same friend who didn't come to the bday drinks texted to say she was working. Except, she has the evenings free and does stuff in the evenings too, or could have suggested another day, so again I think it's the lack of effort.

OP posts:
spoons123 · 28/07/2020 20:32

It's hurtful. Have you got other friends who aren't connected to this flaky bunch? Maybe you could arrange something with one of them and your new geezer?

Russell19 · 29/07/2020 07:39

I still think it might be due to covid restrictions. In your OP you said there'd be less than 6 (so only 4 of them) but sounds like if all of them came there'd be more than that, so that wasn't necessarily true OP. Would put me off tbh, still think we need to be careful at the moment.

gamerchick · 29/07/2020 07:51

It's pretty blatant this is a last straw thing. People can come out with some excuses on here to excuse shitty behaviour that's for sure Grin

Seriously OP how can you be bothered? They'll never put themselves out for you. I'll bet you've been generous and reliable for them though.

I'd leave the WhatsApp group and find new friends tbh

Brefugee · 29/07/2020 10:16

Have a lovely week, OP, and don't give them a second though. I second just being quiet in the group and only checking/responding once a week or so.

For those who think it wasn't specific enough and would wait for a date, nope. Still rude. It really isn't too much to say "good idea - do you have a date/time in mind?" or "i can do XXX dates but not YYYY" or even "sounds good but i'll confirm when you confirm the date".

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