Would you be annoyed at this or am I ouverte acting ?

[AnastarziaAnaqway]

Have a new boyfriend and told friends in advance he would be staying with me this coming week, that it would be great for them to meet him.

None have kids, none are vulnerable/shielding etc. Some working, some on furlough and all driving/living within 5 miles.

Anyway sent a text out on the whatsapp group suggesting a perfectly socially distanced meet up (and less than 6 of us, not even sure if 6 is still the limit)

No replies whatsoever, but read, not even to say, 'sorry I can't make it but another time.'

I've not suggested anything that's massively inconvenient to any of them, they've already met up with me so don't think it's about Covid, just a bit disappointed.
If I was introducting different men constantly I could maybe understand but it's the first serious boyfriend of mine they have met in years.

He's here for a week, the meetup won't cost them anything and is max 10-15 minutes' drive for them all.

Would you be disappointed at the lack of effort and not even replying to me ?

If you haven't said it is only girls then how have you kept it below 6 people as you said initially? So you have asked 2 people?

They don't all have partners, and I knew the likelihood of them all coming incl. Partners was very low, but didn't expect this.

However i've been invited for a coffee/round their house before and so their partner has been there, or we've been out at a meal and just one partner will be with us etc.

I would just write 'rude' and exit the group. You don't need rude bastards like this. I've got to an age (in fact, I realised quite young) that I wouldn't put up with any funny business by so called friends. I have only a small number of lovely friends now. We would never act like that with each other. I binned off anyone who made me feel like shit. They're not friends op.

They don't sound like good friends and clearly this isn't the first time they've snubbed you. Might be time to move on from this group, especially as at your age you will be spending a fortune on hen dos and weddings over the next few years!

Sometimes we all find ourselves in groups of people where the 'power' balance isn't so equal. When some members make a suggestion about a group get-together, everyone's enthusiastic but when someone else suggests something similar, there's a less positive response.

I've been on both sides of situations like this and I can't explain why it happens - it just does.

It sounds like you don't have much 'clout' in this group....but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I'm sure you're a great friend. Perhaps it's time to meet new people where you feel more equal? Good luck!

Are you in the UK? If so, how have you managed to find a new bf and get to know him well enough to say good things about him to your friends when we've been in lockdown for just over 4 months?

Thanks for the replies.. Shall I just quit the group ?
I get what you mean about the power imbalance.
I think i've always been very kind to them all and been a very good friend.
2 girls have previously 'quit' this friendship group over the years and now i'm starting to see why.

OP I’m not convinced these people are your friends, so I’m not sure how much of a loss it would be for you to bow out. I completely agree with a PP who said they probably have another group they communicate on without you.

I would say you're overreacting as I often take a day or so to reply, as do other people in WhatsApp groups. We're all busy and work long shifts, quite often I read messages on my break, think I need to reply after work, and then forget.

But it sounds like there's a backstory here of them not being particularly good friends. If you want to distance from them or phase them out then that's up to you, but leaving the WhatsApp group seems a bit childish tbh.

Have you seen them since lockdown lifted? I wouldn't particularly want to meet a friends boyfriend if I'd not seen them for 4 months, I'd want a catch up with my friends and having partners there changes the dynamic and conversations.

Do it op. I had a friend (one of my lovely ones), who had a particular friendship group. A long-standing one. There was a queen bee type who everyone wanted to please. I just used to listen in horror at what went on. I couldn't believe this was a group of women in their late 30s. My friend said she used to worry and get anxious as she found she didn't really fit in with them anymore. Anyway, she eventually found the courage to step away from the stupid WhatsApp group they had, and basically told a few of them about how she was feeling. I just said, the true friends will understand. If anyone gets bitchy, fuck them off! Life's too short. They're meant to be supportive!
Anyway gone off topic a bit, sorry. But don't put up with it.

Personally I wouldn't quit the group, I'd just ignore it and let it fade away.

Are they the sort who'd like to keep you in your box as a single person they can feel sorry for and expect to be there whenever they want?

My suggestion would be to stay in the Whatsapp group but comment/join in less and less frequently until you're barely there.

If someone asks why, you've just been 'too busy'. Flounce out, and they'll have something to bitch about.

Keep everything perfectly pleasant but in your own mind, demote them to acquaintances - and seek out people who are more on your wavelength.

They sound like dicks. I would mute and/or archive the group so you don’t have to see it and you can check it when/if you like. Then I would start trying to find some nicer friends. As pp said, bin them off!

They don't sound very nice :( even if I am busy/anxious about meeting too many people etc/don't like the sound of your boyfriend - still say something on the group chat!

Op that’s terrible behaviour you’re not overreacting to be upset. I agree with spoons. To flounce now would make you look petty but I would gradually fade out of the group.

I actually think sending a message saying “shall we meet up some time next week” is more difficult than a message with specifics.

I’d rather a friend said to me “going to x on y date and time, can you make it?” Rather than a vague message that invites endless back and forth about “well I can do the 5th”, “I can’t, can we make it the 6th” etc. And anyone who wants to establish a date before deciding what we are doing annoys the bejasus out of me.

No you're not being over sensitive at all, very rude of them not to reply

I hate it when people ignore a message! Very rude. I'd chase it up.one more time then just don't bother if they don't reply.

As someone has said previously, how have you managed to meet and get to know a new partner during lockdown? Perhaps your friends feel that you have been behaving in an unwise manner, with regard to C19, and therefore don’t want to have anything to do with your relationship.

I wouldn’t leave the group right now.

But I’d mute it and just get on with my life.

We've not broken any c19 rules don't worry

Just think people in general make far too many excuses, 'oh well maybe they feel awkward' 'oh well maybe they want to see you alone first' it's just rubbish, it's really not difficult to reply to a text.

'oh well it's because you haven't given a specific date', no it's just rude.

Have you seen them in person since lockdown lifted?