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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed at this or am I ouverte acting ?

96 replies

AnastarziaAnaqway · 27/07/2020 21:39

Have a new boyfriend and told friends in advance he would be staying with me this coming week, that it would be great for them to meet him.

None have kids, none are vulnerable/shielding etc. Some working, some on furlough and all driving/living within 5 miles.

Anyway sent a text out on the whatsapp group suggesting a perfectly socially distanced meet up (and less than 6 of us, not even sure if 6 is still the limit)

No replies whatsoever, but read, not even to say, 'sorry I can't make it but another time.'

I've not suggested anything that's massively inconvenient to any of them, they've already met up with me so don't think it's about Covid, just a bit disappointed.
If I was introducting different men constantly I could maybe understand but it's the first serious boyfriend of mine they have met in years.

He's here for a week, the meetup won't cost them anything and is max 10-15 minutes' drive for them all.

Would you be disappointed at the lack of effort and not even replying to me ?

OP posts:
Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 27/07/2020 22:02

It's just sad really, at this age if they can't have their own mind and have to wait for someone to speak up first.
Anyway they are mostly partnered up so they wouldn't have to come alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 27/07/2020 22:03

I've been the gooseberry on many occasions it's really not the end of the world, i'm not disrespectful enough to sit there and be all over him or whatever and leave a friend feeling awkward but maybe they don't see it that way.

OP posts:
Sabine123 · 27/07/2020 22:30

Could you do a follow up message tomorrow or next day? Friends shouldn't be such hard work. I would be a bit pissed too !!

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 27/07/2020 22:31

That's the thing, I feel like I shouldn't have to do follow ups in order to get people to reply, they know the message is there and they've read it.

OP posts:
YoullFloat · 27/07/2020 22:38

I'd assume they don't want to meet him.

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 27/07/2020 22:40

Yeah bit disappointing really as i've said he's lovely, they know i'm happy with him and after a few rubbish men finally got a nice one.
Their problem anyway.

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Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 08:29

Still nothing. It's quite tempting to leave the whatsapp group.

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 28/07/2020 08:34

It’s really rude OP, sorry they’ve hurt your feelings. Couldn’t you just prompt them - maybe post a link to a new spot you fancy?

justanotherneighinparadise · 28/07/2020 08:35

Leave it and if they ask say you assumed it was inactive.

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 08:35

It's a good idea but I feel like they would have replied if they wanted to reply, I don't Think I should have to chase them to get them to do so.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 28/07/2020 08:37

They don't want to meet him. Sorry

SummerHouse · 28/07/2020 08:49

For me the lack of an actual date might make me wait to reply to see what others can do. Not many (any) evening commitments means I could do any and most people are the same. I would update with "right, we are going to go with Thursday at 7pm at my house. Let me know if you can make it."

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 08:55

The thing is if I have tried to organise stuff in the past, I haven't given a specific date but still, people have said that they are up for it and then after that we have worked out a date.

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Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 08:56

Tbh if they have such a lack of independence that they can't say anything without waiting to see what others say /scared to turn up alone and so are waiting for others then I find it a bit pathetic tbh.

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Brefugee · 28/07/2020 08:57

oh dear, that's rude. I'd either just write nothing else at all in the group until after he's gone (and have a fab week)

Or put one message saying something like "meh - your loss, he's lovely" and then nothing else until after he's gone/one of them replies whichever is the later

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 09:00

Yeah that's a good idea. They did this for my birthday a couple of years ago, only one got in touch saying she couldn't make it.

Then last year another said she couldn't come out for my birthday because she was skint (paying for a luxurious wedding and sports car), it was 15 minutes away from her, she couldn't even come and have a bloody lime and soda or something for 50p, just to make the effort, yet I paid £200 for her hen do.

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Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 09:01

And I earn £10k less than the majority of them.

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SeasonFinale · 28/07/2020 09:01

So have you just invited only girl friends to meet you and your boyfriend even though they have partners. Maybe you would be better off just inviting another 2 couples.

It would be weird for 4 girls to come just for you to do show and tell with your boyfriend.

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 09:02

I haven't said it was only girls and plus on several occasions they have turned up with their partner (and sometimes their partner was the only one)

OP posts:
fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 28/07/2020 09:03

They likely have another chat OP. There’s no way they’ve just all independently not replied.

I’m sorry they’re so rotten, and happy for you that you’ve found a lovely bloke to help take your mind off it!

nicky7654 · 28/07/2020 09:05

Your friends are simply rude.

OhCaptain · 28/07/2020 09:07

Ouch! That’s very rude.

How many of them are there? I agree that they must have a side chat.

They just sound shit, really.

Gizlotsmum · 28/07/2020 09:09

It sounds like this is about more than them not wanting to meet up. You sound like the friendship feels uneven. I would give them today, then post something along the lines of no worries, maybe some other time. Then just leave it. Enjoy your week together.

OhioOhioOhio · 28/07/2020 09:10

Honestly I wouldn't chase them up. They've told your their reply loud and clear. You just don't want them to have ignored you. But they have.

Original poster
AnastarziaAnaqway · 28/07/2020 09:12

Screw them really.) if i'd made him sound horrible then could maybe get it but that's not at all the case.
It's rude and I will just ignore them from now on.

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