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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for another handhold over the next few days?

473 replies

FruitLoopyLoo · 27/07/2020 17:19

A few people may remember my threads in the past. I have had a really, really difficult few years of recurrent pregnancy losses. In the past 3 years I've had 11 miscarriages ranging from 5-8 weeks.

Last time I asked for a handhold on here prior to a scan and I received so much support and love and it really helped. Unfortunately that time, we did see a heartbeat but it had stopped by the next scan.

I'm back again and I am now 12 weeks!!!! I have had a multitude of scans already and everything is looking super good this time, I can't quite believe we have got so far. I've seen baby bouncing about and legs and arms moving around everywhere, it's been amazing.

However, I'm back asking for another handhold please. When I was going through my miscarriages I was discovered to have a balanced translocation and a factor of that is I have a 5-6% chance of any child born having a severe genetic condition that would likely limit their life a lot.

Because of this I opted to have a test done. That was carried out last week and I am now waiting on the results. I am an anxious wreck. I am convinced the results will come back positive for the condition and whilst I know the odds are good they won't, I still can't believe anything good could actually happen to me. I don't even know if I'll be able to answer the phone when they ring to tell me as I feel I already know what they will say.

I really don't know what I'd do this time if this all went to pot again, I've invested too much hope this time that things may be okay and I just need a bit of a hold again please. I am so scared of going back to square one again after all of this.

OP posts:
PunishmentSnart · 26/08/2020 10:16

Lovely news - so happy for you Flowers

Beachbodylonggone · 26/08/2020 10:18

Imo your baby needs a real superhero name!!
Congratulations!

FruitLoopyLoo · 26/08/2020 11:22

@Beachbodylonggone

Imo your baby needs a real superhero name!! Congratulations!
I know right!!! We need to come up with a nickname for him, something that shows what a fighter he is Grin
OP posts:
LittleGwyneth · 26/08/2020 11:58
Flowers
YoBigMomma · 26/08/2020 21:44

@FruitLoopyLoo

I'm so pleased to hear that all is well and that you are going to have a son. Amazing news for you and DH!

I was under the recurrent miscarriage team when I became pregnant with DD - she is now 3 and quite frankly... well fabulous.

I wish you a smooth and easy pregnancy, and much, much fun with your DS in the future.

💐

FruitLoopyLoo · 01/09/2020 14:26

Anyone here for a bit of another handhold?

I don't know why but my anxiety is through the roof today Sad I just keep thinking something is going to go wrong.

All was obviously well at the last gender reveal scan at 16.4 weeks but I'm so nervous for my 20 week.

I'm just struggling today to believe all will continue to go well!

OP posts:
Igotjelly · 01/09/2020 14:30

Consider your hand held! It must be so nerve wracking Flowers

FruitLoopyLoo · 01/09/2020 14:34

Thank you. Everyone keeps telling me, midwives and doctors included!, that the likelihood is everything will work out well now. But I just struggle to accept it. I just keep thinking 'not me, surely it won't work out for me?!'.

I want to enjoy this so much but at the same time I just want to skip to the end so I know he's okay.

OP posts:
FruitLoopyLoo · 01/09/2020 14:35

I'm also stressing because I can't feel him yet. I keep thinking is he even still in there?! I'll be 18 weeks on Friday.

At my last scan they told me as my placenta was on the front I likely wouldn't feel him until a bit later
on, possibly not even until about 25 weeks, but I just want to feel those reassuring movements so badly.

OP posts:
Milkshake54 · 01/09/2020 17:14

@FruitLoopyLoo I’ve just read through all your posts and I’m so pleased for you!
I completely understand where you are coming from. I’m 22weeks now, with an anterior placenta and was so nervous for 20 week scan. All was ok.
Movements may not start until later, although I’m feeling my little lady everyday now and have from about 20 weeks.

You’ve got this! I’m sure it will all work out! When are you due?

octoberfarm · 02/09/2020 23:31

Oh OP, I can totally understand why you're so worried, but in case it's of any reassurance, I was absolutely convinced (and I mean certain) that my second baby, who'd had a massive bleed at 14 weeks (and had somehow held on) was going to gone by the 20 week scan. I'd have put money on it, right up until I saw him on the screen. Your mind can be a pretty convincing persuasionist (pretty confident that's not even a word, sorry!) when it comes to anxiety, and especially things like this. You've made it this far, and you (and he!) are doing so well. If you have a placenta like yours it's totally normal not to feel baby yet, and even without that it was another two weeks from where you are until I felt either of my little guys, FWIW, my touch and go baby is now a chatty, active, cuddly two year old Smile Sending a hand hold and an unMumsnetty hug Thanks

candycane222 · 02/09/2020 23:48

Don't think I felt mine till 22 weeks or so, even with placenta at the back. Sending you soothing thoughts, I am not surprised you get anxious, after all the worries you've been through.

MadameMeursault · 03/09/2020 00:10

I couldn’t feel my first DC till I was 23 weeks. He was perfectly fine. I know what you mean, it is reassuring when you start to feel kicks. Good luck with your scan OP Flowers

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 03/09/2020 00:24

I had 8 MCs before my DC were born. I bought myself a Doppler so that I could reduce the anxiety when I first went over 15 weeks. My midwife checked I was using it correctly, and I found it helped hugely on those days when my anxiety got too much. Knowing I was irrational and that baby’s movements were normal never took my fear away during the whole pg, so I know how stressful it is (had no anxiety with subsequent pgs).

roarfeckingroarr · 03/09/2020 15:08

Hi @FruitLoopyLoo

Sounds like you have an anterior placenta. I have one too (currently 34+4) and didn't feel baby move much until >20 weeks so try not to worry! Fingers crossed for you,

FruitLoopyLoo · 03/09/2020 19:27

Sounds like you have an anterior placenta

I do, yes! Thank you for the reassurance. I wish I could feel something now so I knew he was okay in there. I keep thinking he's going to have disappeared by the next scan!

To be fair though, my bump seems to be growing by the day at the moment!

I had 8 MCs before my DC were born. I bought myself a Doppler so that I could reduce the anxiety when I first went over 15 weeks

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles before your DC Flowers I'm sure you completely get the level of anxiety I'm going through right now!! It's horrible.

I did consider a Doppler but when I asked for advice on here I was sort of put off. Lots of people saying it's really hard to find the HB, can get mixed up with mine, not necessarily a sign everything is well etc etc... So I never bothered Sad

OP posts:
FruitLoopyLoo · 03/09/2020 19:32

This is bump currently! I feel like it's really big for 18 weeks (tomorrow)??!

It's weird, it doesn't feel like I imagined it would, it just feels like I'm super bloated but it's hard instead of squishy 😂

I'm feeling a little more relaxed today.

To ask for another handhold over the next few days?
OP posts:
FruitLoopyLoo · 03/09/2020 19:44

Ps I hope you all don't mind me nipping back to this thread with little updates and stuff from time to time. I'm so excited (at the same time as being incredibly nervous!), It feels nice to share this a little after everything that happened before! Smile

OP posts:
Rubbleonthedouble1 · 03/09/2020 20:41

It’s lovely to hear your updates! Xx

octoberfarm · 04/09/2020 12:45

Please do continue to update, it's lovely to hear them! That's an lovely bump for 18 weeks - I barely had one at that point, so much so that at about the five month mark some guy actually asked if I was sure I was pregnant. Wasn't sure how to answer at first Grin

Moominmammacat · 04/09/2020 13:26

Please keep updating, everyone is rooting for you. It's going on for 30 years since my pregnancy traumas but I still remember the anxiety. Look after yourself, lots of tea and sofas! xxx

roarfeckingroarr · 04/09/2020 15:27

@FruitLoopyLoo aw your bump is lovely. It looks just the right size. I'm at the inflated whale, so full and tight I could explode, never comfortable stage now. Keep coming back Smile

FruitLoopyLoo · 05/09/2020 09:28

Thank you xx

Did anyone else have problems with sciatica? Mine is getting really bad and I'm struggling to sleep the past few nights.

As soon as I lie or sit down the sharp pain starts all down my hip into my leg and the skin goes completely numb. Midwife said it sounds like typical sciatica but didn't give me any tips!

OP posts:
Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 05/09/2020 09:34

Just read this thread OP, what a whirlwind. I can understand your anxiety. I'm so pleased for you that everything is going well.
Sciatica is a bother, I had it with my second. I found a bath helped slightly, as did moving 'little and often', so at work I'd get up and go to the kitchen for a cuppa or to the loo hourly.

FruitLoopyLoo · 05/09/2020 09:37

Thanks Namechangey!

I've noticed too that it's nowhere near as bad in the day time when I'm up and about regularly. It's at night. I can't lie still for more than a 10 minutes or so at the moment and haven't had a decent night's sleep in a good few nights now because of it.

The only position that relieves it is on my back but obviously that's no good!

OP posts:
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