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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for another handhold over the next few days?

473 replies

FruitLoopyLoo · 27/07/2020 17:19

A few people may remember my threads in the past. I have had a really, really difficult few years of recurrent pregnancy losses. In the past 3 years I've had 11 miscarriages ranging from 5-8 weeks.

Last time I asked for a handhold on here prior to a scan and I received so much support and love and it really helped. Unfortunately that time, we did see a heartbeat but it had stopped by the next scan.

I'm back again and I am now 12 weeks!!!! I have had a multitude of scans already and everything is looking super good this time, I can't quite believe we have got so far. I've seen baby bouncing about and legs and arms moving around everywhere, it's been amazing.

However, I'm back asking for another handhold please. When I was going through my miscarriages I was discovered to have a balanced translocation and a factor of that is I have a 5-6% chance of any child born having a severe genetic condition that would likely limit their life a lot.

Because of this I opted to have a test done. That was carried out last week and I am now waiting on the results. I am an anxious wreck. I am convinced the results will come back positive for the condition and whilst I know the odds are good they won't, I still can't believe anything good could actually happen to me. I don't even know if I'll be able to answer the phone when they ring to tell me as I feel I already know what they will say.

I really don't know what I'd do this time if this all went to pot again, I've invested too much hope this time that things may be okay and I just need a bit of a hold again please. I am so scared of going back to square one again after all of this.

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 26/08/2020 05:27

Great news, congratulations!

I have a balanced translocation too so know that fear well.

Harrysmum2020 · 26/08/2020 05:42

Wow congratulations Flowers

Grandmi · 26/08/2020 05:49

That’s fantastic news...this has made my day.X🌻💐

Dededa · 26/08/2020 05:50

Huge congratulations!

Possibly a bit late now, but just in case you’re not aware, there are a couple of BT support groups on Facebook which may or may not be helpful to you.

DerbyshireGirly · 26/08/2020 05:53

Congratulations! You're not too far off half way to meeting your son!

Notwiththeseknees · 26/08/2020 05:56

So thrilled for you - that is blooming fabulous. Thank you for the update Grin

JimminyCricketwhites · 26/08/2020 05:59

Fantastic news! Smile

Astrid09 · 26/08/2020 06:02

@FruitLoopyLoo Congratulations so happy for you 💐💐

2018SoFarSoGreat · 26/08/2020 06:05

@FruitLoopyLoo what a lovely update. A little boy. That's just marvelous. You'll be meeting him in no time at all, really. When you look at the time you've waited so far.

Stay well. Enjoy every moment of this precious time 💐

bumbleb33s · 26/08/2020 06:05

Wow, what a brilliantly lovely post, got Happy tears for you, so well deserved Flowers

DorisDances · 26/08/2020 06:10

Oh OP you are so not a 'wimp'... you are an incredible strong woman who has been through so much. Wishing you the smoothest of pregnancies and a healthy son . Please accept flowers which you so deserve Flowers

Queenest · 26/08/2020 06:14

Thanks for updating. Such lovely news OP Congratulations! Flowers

CiCiFreakingBabcock · 26/08/2020 06:18

Lovely update, congratulations !

Whenwillthisbeover · 26/08/2020 06:25

Absolutely delighted for you, you are amazing and deserve this so much 💐

Juliette27 · 26/08/2020 06:36

Sending you love and support. 💗. We are all rooting for you! 🌸🤞🏼

CanICelebrate · 26/08/2020 06:40

That’s fabulous news 🥰

Happynow001 · 26/08/2020 06:50

Hello @FruitLoopyLoo

I'm late to your thread but SO pleased for you! I'm sending a huge group hug 🤗 to you, bump and DH. 🌹

Rubbleonthedouble1 · 26/08/2020 06:55

I also have balanced translocation and had 5 miscarriages and then two DC both of whom have inherited my translocation. We too were given the odds etc. I pushed for cord bloods and they did that to check for genetic abnormalities. X

FruitLoopyLoo · 26/08/2020 06:59

@Dededa

Huge congratulations!

Possibly a bit late now, but just in case you’re not aware, there are a couple of BT support groups on Facebook which may or may not be helpful to you.

Thank you all so much for the lovely well wishes and words.

I still can't quite believe it! But I am slowly, very slowly, starting to relax and enjoy this now. To be honest the only time I really start to worry again now is when I'm going for a scan/check up. I still get scared that I'll hear those words 'im really sorry but..'

But yes, a little boy! I can't explain how happy I am (well we, me and DH he is over the moon too). The lady even showed us him in 4D although it's a bit early for that so it was super clear but we saw his little hands and could just make out a little face Grin

Thank you for this, I actually have been part of these groups before. I've been through stages where sometimes it's helped reaching out to people with the same condition and others times I've only made it through by sticking my fingers in my ears, going LALALALA and pretending nothing is wrong so I've had to leave and rejoin a couple of times now! It's been a weird time! Maybe when all this is done I might feel stronger to share my story in the hope it helps. After 11 losses it proves that there is still hope at least doesn't it Smile

I am sad sometimes too because I know deep down that I don't want to do this again. So I feel it's important now that I enjoy this as I really do believe this will be it for me in terms of pregnancy and children. I have been so broken over the past few years that I'm just ready now to leave it behind and dedicate my full self to my son should everything go well and leave all this emotional distress in the past, I want to be happy and healthy for him when he's here and I just don't think I could cope with all this again.

OP posts:
kangaShade · 26/08/2020 07:01

Just read this through thread and it's really cheered me up. Massive congratulations, I'm so happy for you Flowers I hope you can relax a bit and enjoy your pregnancy now xxx

FruitLoopyLoo · 26/08/2020 07:05

@Rubbleonthedouble1

I also have balanced translocation and had 5 miscarriages and then two DC both of whom have inherited my translocation. We too were given the odds etc. I pushed for cord bloods and they did that to check for genetic abnormalities. X
Thanks Rubble. Who did you speak to about this, was it the midwives?

It's definitely something I want to look into as I just wasn't prepared and I want my baby to know when the time comes and have all the info if he has in fact inherited the BT. My mother decided against testing and we never really properly discussed it either until it happened to me so it was a shock and I didn't really know what was happening or why until it was investigated.

I think, if I remember correctly, my particular BT (11;22) there is about 45% chance that he will have normal chromosomes and about 55% chance he'll have the translocation like me. So I do want to be prepared for that.

OP posts:
Rubbleonthedouble1 · 26/08/2020 07:26

I had a consultant geneticist and a specialised consultant obstetrician monitoring my entire pregnancies. They suggested and organised it. My odds were similar to yours. It won’t affect my DC until they want children. They automatically get an appointment at 16 to discuss their futures good luck xx

FruitLoopyLoo · 26/08/2020 07:46

Thank you. I have a genetic counsellor so I'll give her a ring I think.

OP posts:
SmellsLikeFeet · 26/08/2020 07:49

Aw congratulations
Have you thought of a name?

Speakeasy22 · 26/08/2020 10:06

Great news. You will continue to be in the thoughts of may people wishing you all the best.