AIBU or is DP? Re wfh

[Bananaface12345]

Dp has been working from home since just before lockdown.

His desk is set up on the dining room table, a metre away from the rest of the sitting room.

He seems to be unable to work without muttering swear words under his breath or sticking his headphones in and very loudly playing music so everyone else can hear what he's listening to. Also complains that he can't concentrate with all the general commotion downstairs.

The kids have a large bedroom and spend less than an hour upstairs in it throughout the day, our bedroom has a sofa in it so no space for a table and chairs.

AIBU to ask him to move his desk upstairs into the kids bedroom so that we can relax downstairs without him complaining about being distracted by the general noise around him?

He obviously thinks IABU and that we just want to lock him away... but he won't stop muttering 🙈

An office in the kids room would be a disaster, as is the current situation. Move the sofa from your room into the kids room and get him to set up his desk in your room.

YANBU. Pre-lockdown, I would normally work from home every Monday and Friday, normally from the dining room table.

Now I can’t go in, I work from my bedroom because it’s unfair of me to monopolise the living area, especially as this means no one can go in the kitchen if I’m in a meeting. Also - whilst I might bitch and moan occasionally, I’m not constantly swearing or listening to loud music. He sounds really selfish.

@Alexandernevermind

An office in the kids room would be a disaster, as is the current situation. Move the sofa from your room into the kids room and get him to set up his desk in your room.

Yeah this seems like a better solution although him setting up in the kids room seems like a better idea than the current arrangement

No, of course your husband shouldnt set up his office in your kids room! That's ridiculous. Move some furniture around so he can have his office in your room.

An office in the kids room is fine if like me he can just put away his laptop and other stuff at the end of the day. It’s just a table and chair OP already said the children don’t spend time in the room.

He needs to set up his desk in your bedroom by moving the sofa out. It’s totally unreasonable for him to expect the rest of you not use the open plan downstairs during the day.

Yabu (in his eyes) not to grasp the importance of Man's Work...
He is obviously a knob..
Get on gumtree and find him a shed and long extension cable ...

I think you’re both being unreasonable.

If he’s the only person wfh then he needs a decent set up upstairs away from everyone. We had to reorganise our bedroom to fit in a desk etc.

Can you move your bedroom sofa to the kids’ room so the desk can go in your bedroom?

However he can’t insist on staying downstairs and get annoyed by the normal noise of the family.

I'd get rid of the upstairs sofa and send him upstairs to mutter and swear all on his own.

Obvious solution is to move the sofa from your room into the kids room and put his desk in your room.

Bedroom sofa wont fit properly in the kids room (it's a odd shape) but there is plenty of space for a table and chairs.
Dc1 is 6 and would prefer to be downstairs with her arty crafty toys during the day, DC2 is 1 and happy wherever I am

Agree with others to move the sofa and that he should work in your bedroom

You have my sympathies OP. I suspect there will be disputes like this in many households moving forwards. WFH has many upsides but actually it won't work for everyone longterm, particularly in the school holidays. Even the couple of hours between the end of the school day and the end of the work day for those with younger children will be difficult. I can't imagine having had to keep my DC quiet after school in the winter for a couple if hours because Daddy was WFH and needed quiet for calls. This is something which needs thinking through for the longterm and everyone's situations will be different.

He is being unreasonable. Desk and chair into the kids room, since moving the sofa is not an option. Unless you're prepared to get rid of the sofa completely?

So get rid of the sofa. He needs a proper workspace.

If the sofa doesn’t fit anywhere else, put it in the garage/storage/parents garage/sell it.

Have suggested getting rid of the sofa, DP wants to keep it...
But can't seem to see how his work day creates an awkward situation for the rest of downstairs..

Does he behave like this in the office, with non-stop music and swearing?

Nope, in the office he's lovely and professional, very friendly

The sofa has to go!

You could suggest when he is back at work, you and the kids will come to the office with him.

He can’t have it all ways. How long will he be wfh for? Something’s got to give. The home has to work for everyone in it.

of course he shouldn't be downstairs! He needs to move up to your bedroom.

I'm upstairs in my house- it would be impossible for my dcs if I was on the dining or kitchen tables. They'd never be able to be downstairs or be able to say anything while they were. He's being very unreasonable.

We're set up to work in both kids rooms. Barely space to walk around the bed in out room and downstairs is open plan. This way the girls have run of the rest of the house. And I only do 5.5 hours a day 4 days a week so plenty of time to play (and not banned from the bedrooms as long as not noisy on conference calls).

Heres the kicker- he's likely to be working from home for the next year and a half at least...