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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is DP? Re wfh

53 replies

Bananaface12345 · 27/07/2020 16:20

Dp has been working from home since just before lockdown.

His desk is set up on the dining room table, a metre away from the rest of the sitting room.

He seems to be unable to work without muttering swear words under his breath or sticking his headphones in and very loudly playing music so everyone else can hear what he's listening to. Also complains that he can't concentrate with all the general commotion downstairs.

The kids have a large bedroom and spend less than an hour upstairs in it throughout the day, our bedroom has a sofa in it so no space for a table and chairs.

AIBU to ask him to move his desk upstairs into the kids bedroom so that we can relax downstairs without him complaining about being distracted by the general noise around him?

He obviously thinks IABU and that we just want to lock him away... but he won't stop muttering 🙈

OP posts:

Smallsteps88 · 27/07/2020 16:54

@Bananaface12345

Nope, in the office he's lovely and professional, very friendly

So if he’s not treating it like proper work environment you don’t have to either. Let the DC go in and bang pots, shout and yell, sing songs, spill spaghetti over his laptop...

AryaStarkWolf · 27/07/2020 16:54

@Bananaface12345

Heres the kicker- he's likely to be working from home for the next year and a half at least...

Oh dear, probably should get rid of the sofa and set up something more permanent in your bedroom in that case

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2020 16:54

Then he moves his 'office.' He's being selfish

stovetopespresso · 27/07/2020 16:54

my DH has wfh off and on for ages, the adjustment is huge, he does need to have a proper workspace. unfortunately some people get work goggles on and can't see it any other way. Is the issue he doesn't see it as a problem? that's the area you need to have a chat around tonight.

SkyeIsPink · 27/07/2020 16:56

Regardless of whether he mutters or not, working in a communal space is just not a good way to work anyway. I was WFH before lockdown and I couldn't do it properly in a room with other distractions.

Yabu (in his eyes) not to grasp the importance of Man's Work...
He is obviously a knob..

This is a ridiculous comment. He's working, he needs a proper workspace.

The best place for him to work would be in your bedroom. I don't think him working in the kids room is a good idea, their space should be their own.

BasinHaircut · 27/07/2020 16:56

Work space has to be separate from living space. With children so young a desk in either bedroom should work ok. Preferably it wouldn’t be in the kids’ room but if that’s the only option then that’s what it will have to be.

DH and I are both WFH just now plus DS (7) has been home since March. It’s tough squeezing it all in but you’ve got to do the best you can.

Why is he complaining that you just want to lock him away. Presumably he was out of the house 5 days a week before lockdown so what’s the big deal. Selfish of him to insist on disrupting you all in case he gets lonely or whatever.

blardiblabla · 27/07/2020 16:58

I think it's not fair to set office up in your child's room. That's their space, and IMO should remain as such. We'll be facing a similar problem over winter when new baby arrives, don't have a solution yet but as far as I'm concerned, DS bedroom is off limits.

BaseDrops · 27/07/2020 16:59

He needs to work somewhere else because he is clearly unhappy with the general family noise going on around him. As you and the children are not going to be banished upstairs and only coming down for food and drink, what does he suggest? At this point its put up and shut up or move where he works.

jay55 · 27/07/2020 17:02

Can he get himself some decent noise cancelling headphones?
They'll help him focus but might not stop the muttering.

Nottherealslimshady · 27/07/2020 17:05

Get rid of the sofa. He's making everyone, including himself, miserable.

Alexandernevermind · 27/07/2020 17:25

If it's long term, how feasible is a summer house as an office?

MahaMoon · 27/07/2020 17:30

I don’t see the problem with putting a desk in dc room, temporarily. My dc are similar ages to yours and only go to their room to sleep. They very rarely stay in there apart from the odd movie night. During the day, they’re downstairs or in the garden with me. It would be better to move the sofa and have an office in your room but if that’s definitely not an option, dc room in fine.

Original poster

Bananaface12345 · 27/07/2020 17:49

Desk is going into DCs room! Not the best solution but does also mean when it comes to the weekend DC will be able to use the table in there too :)

Dp is sulking.

But its been months and if he has a stressful day at work it affects everyone. So off he goes unless he has a better idea..

OP posts:

BaseDrops · 27/07/2020 17:51

Well done OP.

Kiki275 · 27/07/2020 18:06

Can the sofa not fall victim to Child vs. sharpie? Then it has to go?x

Happynow001 · 27/07/2020 18:11

@Bananaface12345

Desk is going into DCs room! Not the best solution but does also mean when it comes to the weekend DC will be able to use the table in there too :)

Dp is sulking.

But its been months and if he has a stressful day at work it affects everyone. So off he goes unless he has a better idea..

Hurrah! Result OP! 👏🏻 👏🏻

Sulky DP... not an attractive characteristic in an adult.

ChavvySexPond · 27/07/2020 18:23

Some days I'd absolutely love to be shut away!

I would suggest as WFH is likely to be a long term arrangement for many of us, having a designated work space would be good for everyone. Particularly as he's not required to cook, supervise children or homeschool them simultaneously whilst working.

Would having lunch all together make him feel less shut away? Or taking him tea and biscuits at intervals?

RedCatBlueCat · 27/07/2020 18:28

Does the 1 year old nap in their bedroom? Have you got a solution to that?
The desk absolutly needs to go out of the communal area. Your bedroom us probably best- I dont think the kids room is sustainable for 18 months. Can the sofa come downstairs is the table is going upstairs?

SunshineCake · 27/07/2020 19:02

Sex off the agenda then as I am sure sulking doesn't do it for you.

Shizzlestix · 27/07/2020 19:07

Why on earth is he sulking? Does he think it’s appropriate to be swearing and imposing his overly loud music on you lot? I’d be delighted to be given a solution that allowed me to work better. I’m really fortunate to have a spare bedroom which we turned into a study years ago.

BackforGood · 27/07/2020 19:39

I put YWNBU even before you put he's likely to be working from home for the next year and a half at least...

I mean, we've already had something like 18 weeks - the unreasonable thing is that you (both) haven't done this weeks or even months ago

Even if he had no consideration for you and for your dc, you'd just think it would be easier / more pleasurable / more relaxing for him having a space away from everyone. We are lucky enough to have had a space for both dh and I separately during the shutdown and the way we've survived is we can shut ourselves off from the household when working.

I'm glad you've finally persuaded him.

NinkiNonkiNikau · 28/07/2020 07:16

Working from home cannot be in the main part of the house - that’s just unreasonable. Also if he doesn’t swear and grump at work he shouldn’t at home either.

LakieLady · 28/07/2020 07:26

Also if he doesn’t swear and grump at work he shouldn’t at home either

Oh, I don't know about that. Being able to have a good swear without getting raised eyebrows or a bollocking is one of the great benefits of WFH imo.

I think it's one of the reasons I'm so much less stressed WFH.

thedevilinablackdress · 28/07/2020 07:32

This is why it pisses me right off when I see all the tuff about how WFH is amazing and the new normal. Sure, it's great for some people and I'm all for more flexibility for people to suit their own circumstances. But it really doesn't suit everyone. We don't all have studies or spare rooms or conservatories to work in.
Neither of you are really BU. Hope you can sort something.

KatherineJaneway · 28/07/2020 07:35

@Bananaface12345

Have suggested getting rid of the sofa, DP wants to keep it... But can't seem to see how his work day creates an awkward situation for the rest of downstairs..

Sounds like he is one of the 'I need you to share my pain' types. He's pissed off so you all have to share in those emotions. If he's pissed off alone in your bedroom, no one knows.

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