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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel put out?

65 replies

Hogpie · 27/07/2020 10:39

I have a new boyfriend. Been seeing each other a couple of months. First time making him dinner. I went to a lot of effort and prepared and cooked for over 2 hours. When making it boyfriend suddenly started feeling very ill, said he was dizzy and exhausted and needed a lie down which was fine. When food was ready he came back but said he could only eat a couple of mouthfuls! He said it was very nice and how sorry he was, that he would make it up to me etc. After I had finished he went back to lie down. I know people get ill but this was all unexpected/out of character.

I came out of a previous relationship feeling quite under appreciated. If he were me, I probably would have eaten more food out of politeness even if feeling ill so feel a bit put out. Should I be? Or am I being too sensitive? Everything else going well.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 27/07/2020 10:40

If he's ill, he's ill. I'd let this one go.

EL8888 · 27/07/2020 10:47

If he was ill, then he was ill and it’s just one of those things. It sounds like he was polite and complementary about it

user1493413286 · 27/07/2020 10:48

I think because of your past experiences you’re being a bit sensitive; it sounds like he was genuinely ill

ZeldalovesLink · 27/07/2020 10:48

He’s ill! You’re being totally unreasonable. Nobody should have to force themselves to eat when they’re ill just to be polite.

It’s very unfortunate timing with you having gone to so much effort but totally not his fault and not something you have a right to be annoyed at him about.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/07/2020 10:55

Seriously? Grin

dodgeballchamp · 27/07/2020 10:56

YABU! He can’t help being ill, would you rather he ate and puked all over your dinner table?

EatsShootsAndRuns · 27/07/2020 10:57

He's ill. Try not to let your past experiences colour this relationship.

mbosnz · 27/07/2020 10:59

I wonder if he had a bout of vertigo? If so, then managing to eat a couple of mouthfuls and not have it come straight up again is an achievement, in my experience!

He was apologetic, and did his best.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 27/07/2020 11:01

YABU

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 27/07/2020 11:05

Don't let the person who cut you make you bleed all over somebody else.

Your past isn't your boyfriends fault, he did his best despite being ill.

You don't know if you would have eaten it all if you were him either, you have no idea how ill he was or how difficult it was for him to eat what he did.

MaintainTheMolehill · 27/07/2020 11:14

He was so ill that he had to lie down but not only did he manage to get up and eat some of the meal, he sat there until you had finished yours before going back to lie down and apologised profusely.

He sounds like a really nice guy who cares about you.

NotIncandescentWithRage · 27/07/2020 11:20

Na. Not buying this one.

A person can’t be this unreasonable to question whether an ill person is being unreasonable?!!?!!?

What would you have done if he’d eaten more food then puked it all back out? Kicked him out?

🤦🏽‍♀️

pictish · 27/07/2020 11:20

Sounds as though he was genuinely unwell. YABVU.

P0lka · 27/07/2020 11:22

Surely this must be a reverse?

JorisBonson · 27/07/2020 11:23

How do you know it's out of character if you've only known him 2 months?

FizzyPink · 27/07/2020 11:23

I think he was actually very reasonable and considerate in the circumstances.

I know if I feel ill, food is the last thing I want and I’d have really struggled to get through any of it, especially sat at the table surrounded by food.

Perhaps he can make you dinner next to make up for it

lilylion · 27/07/2020 11:24

YABVU. You’re worrying about how much appreciation he’s showing you when he was poorly? Seriously?!

Alloverthegrapevine · 27/07/2020 11:24

If a (presumably?) young and otherwise healthy man is taken so ill on a relatively early date that he needs to for regular lie downs, I'd be really worried. Is he OK?

LtJudyHopps · 27/07/2020 11:27

If it’s only been a couple of months you have no way of knowing if this is out of character. You’re sensitive because of past experiences, try and let it go.

TimelyManor · 27/07/2020 11:27

How is he now?

Alexandernevermind · 27/07/2020 11:28

Did he have a cough and a high temperature .....?

dogperson05 · 27/07/2020 11:28

He was ill. Would you eat a meal if you felt ill? Don't take it personally

BoggledBudgie · 27/07/2020 11:29

Wow, you’re really that self centred you don’t give a shit your boyfriend is sick... Jesus Christ that poor bloke.

LividLaughLovely · 27/07/2020 11:31

The first time my bf cooked for me I got the uncontrollable pukes and shits as we sat down to eat (not the food).

I wrote a thread on it from the bathroom.

He looked after me. I married him six months later.

Winterwoollies · 27/07/2020 11:33

You’re put out because he was ill? Seriously?

He was dizzy. That isn’t a usual symptom of normal things and is awful so I’m not surprised the poor guy wanted to lie down.

You need to work on your self esteem and stop making things about you.