AIBU to feel put out?

[Hogpie]

I have a new boyfriend. Been seeing each other a couple of months. First time making him dinner. I went to a lot of effort and prepared and cooked for over 2 hours. When making it boyfriend suddenly started feeling very ill, said he was dizzy and exhausted and needed a lie down which was fine. When food was ready he came back but said he could only eat a couple of mouthfuls! He said it was very nice and how sorry he was, that he would make it up to me etc. After I had finished he went back to lie down. I know people get ill but this was all unexpected/out of character.

I came out of a previous relationship feeling quite under appreciated. If he were me, I probably would have eaten more food out of politeness even if feeling ill so feel a bit put out. Should I be? Or am I being too sensitive? Everything else going well.

@Alloverthegrapevine what? Young and healthy men are allowed to be ill occasionally you know. Being young and male isn't a magic barrier against getting flu/migraines/ stomach bugs. Op hasnt said anything to suggest its an ongoing issue, just sounds like it is a one off which is totally normal. The fact that he happened to get ill on a day they had a date planned is just coincidence!

Op yabvvvvvu - I know you've had bad experiences before but you just sound like hard work. Surely the normal reaction if someone is that ill is to look after them and be nice to them, not get in a mood when they don't eat enough.

It's not really clear what he could possibly have done to please you - I can't believe you honestly would prefer him to force food down his throat when he's feeling that unwell, probably making himself feel even worse, rather than just being honest with you!

Maybe the food smelt unappealing to him? I've got a strong sense of smell and can get overwhelmed sometimes when people are cooking.

Was it meat? Maybe you didn't season it enough. Some people just put salt and pepper and just cook it

@Alexandernevermind

Did he have a cough and a high temperature .....?

Yikes yeah this too op!

Sounds like the start of my Covid fortnight of hell.

He was ill! Bad timing maybe but you can’t choose when you’re going to be ill.
How on earth have you managed to meet someone and start dating in the last few months?

I think you need to be quite ill before needing a lie down and even more so as a young man on an early date, as opposed to say, me when when the hoovering needs doing after work. So I'd be worried more than put out, was my only point newyearnoeu

Ha ha my guess would be that you cooked something he absolutely hates, and that he did not have the heart to tell you.

Actually I agree with a pp that this must be a reverse

YABU and a bit silly. If he's ill then he's ill.

YABU. Don’t you care he was sick? You don’t seem like you do. He should be running for the hills.

Was it mince?

You said yourself it was out of character and unexpected, yet you're implying this was something his fault or malicious. Bizarre way of thinking. Even more bizarre that you think it's ok for you to be in a huff because he didn't eat a meal, yet you don't even seem concerned he's unwell?

Is he an anxious person? The only reason I ask is because this happens to me sometimes. I can be really hungry and looking forward to a nice meal but then get hot, panicky and feel sick and the only thing that stops it is removing myself from the food.

I thought you were going to say he cancelled last minute! I voted YABU.

However, why would this enter your head? Does he often play games with you?

"I probably would have eaten more food out of politeness even if feeling ill so feel a bit put out."
Really?

Are you being too sensitive? Yes, but only to your own interests. You are totally lacking in sensitivity towards your new boyfriend. I can't believe your self-centredness. The man was feeling ill and all you care about is having prepared a meal for 2 hours. You should be caring about him feeling ill. When I feel ill I don't want to eat. You are very lucky that he made an attempt and ate a few mouthfuls.

I think you should tell him exactly how you feel very quickly so that he can find out what kind of person you really are.

I'm also interested in how this relatively new relationship came about?

If he was ill did you expect him to still eat it? You're not being fair.

I think it’s more likely you are a people pleaser and would’ve ate more to please the other person rather than admit you’re ill and can’t eat.

You need to work on this for yourself

Don't spend two hours slaving over a hot stove next time

If I was him I’d ditch you and find someone who gave a shit when I was ill.

Wow some people unbelievably rude! I have 3 kids, work full time and dont usually spend 2 hours cooking for someone else. I put in a lot of effort for a meal he requested! He wasn't dying like some of you are making out. We had been out for a walk and he was fine. He started feeling ill in the middle of cooking. And when finished he said he had lost his appetite. I didn't want to force him to eat but if I was in the same situation then yes I would have made more of an effort to eat. And all through the night I was awake worrying about him and barely got any sleep. He's absolutely fine today btw! Those wondering about dating - look on dating thread in relationships - that should answer your questions

If he’s sick, he’s sick. I don’t really understand why you’re feeling put out.

Did he recover enough to want sex?
My ex was always ill when it came to anything chore related but recovered miraculously at bedtime...

Look, OP, either you think he was shamming/exaggerating and should have made more of an effort OR you lay awake all night genuinely worried about his health because he was so ill — you can’t have both.

So you think he was faking it or exaggerating how ill he was feeling?