To wonder why my DM has to dominate every single conversation she has?

[Rhine]

Just that really.

I’ve known for a while now that my DM is difficult, emotionally very immature and self absorbed. I know I have to accept her as she is because she will never change. What absolutely drives me barmy whenever I’m in her company is how she has to dominate every single conversation, and when she’s in a group she’s even worse! She cannot sit back and let a conversation flow naturally, she had to take over all the bloody time!

Case in point. Yesterday afternoon I was sat in my parents back garden with DB and DSIL (socially distanced obviously). They were talking about a break they’d been on recently and what it was like with regards to the rules etc and DM kept randomly interrupting with her own experiences (she’s not been away since before fucking Covid even happened!), talking over us and kept bringing everything back to herself. At one point she even interjected about how she was getting her nails done on Wednesday, which had absolutely no relevance to what we were talking about! All of this in her sing song, performance ‘look at me!’ voices which is totally different to her regular voice.

I noticed when she wasn’t talking she wasn’t really actually listening and her eyes had a glazed look. She does this a lot because she really isn’t interested in anyone other than herself.

Why can she not just sit back and listen?!

Yes very draining. I get into my car exhausted. All about her. Yeh google narcisstic traits my mother ticks them all

Sounds exhausting OP. I think at this stage all you can do is accept that’s what she’s like and try not to let it bother you.

My MIL doesn’t talk about herself as such but whenever we meet she just talks about random crap- stuff her neighbours have been doing, gossip, mundane stories about her trips to Costco. Doesn’t ask about DH and I, our two small children other than a cursory ‘how are you’ on arrival which we can only respond to with ‘fine’ before she’s off making tea etc. Didn’t really ask how we were all of lockdown, never asks after the kids. I send pictures, information etc so keep her up to date and she loves relaying all of this and sending pictures onwards to everyone she knows but doesn’t seem to take much interest. Does this sound similar? She is bizarre.

I dread turning into her, I really do. Does that make me sound awful? It probably does, but I’d hate to become so self absorbed and uninterested in other people. But she’s never been any different and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in conversation with anyone that she’s not dominating.

'The people who do this themselves, do you ever wonder whether you might have adhd?'

No

OP I'm definitely like this. I interrupt people and etc. I get overexcited and can't wait to say what I've just thought of.

My family speak over each other all the time and don't listen. Everyone is just waiting for any kind of gap so they can say what they think etc

DH found it really difficult to navigate when we started going out seriously!

I mean when we went together to theirs for a meal. 4 prior talking about different topics and speaking over each other the whole time!

For me it's learnt.

If someone got her own way for years not going to change them now. My mam has all this time since covid doesnt help.

I do wonder if it is a child / parent thing even now we are grown up.
It is as if my mum has no understanding of how to hold a conversation, as in you take turns to talk and actually listen? She wants to hold forth all the time, dictate and control every conversation, a monologue basically. I often wonder how she talks to her friends and she does have them.