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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Mask shamed (disability), complain? (Some TMI)

453 replies

Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 10:18

I've NCed for this thread as I expect the details I share will make the case highly identifiable. MNHQ can confirm I'm a member of some years.

I have several disabilities, physical and psychological. I am unable to wear a face mask because I have PTSD from sexual trauma as a young teen. I'm sorry for TMI but it's relevant to the case - I was raped and penetrated in my mouth too. Due to this nothing can cover my mouth, it's an instant panic attack.

I had to attend a hospital yesterday - minor injuries unit. I approached to book in and was instantly ordered to put on a mask, one was offered, to which I replied I was unable to do so due to a mental health condition. She fetched a nurse who asked why I was refusing to wear one, and that if I did not then I would be removed from the unit. This area is very open and very public, with other patients being seen at the side of me.

I was becoming extremely anxious at this point and explained that I have PTSD. They wanted details. I was essentially railroaded into detailing what happened as a teen. I was told to wait and then taken into a room with a doctor and another nurse. I again had to explain in detail my PTSD. I was then offered a visor type mask which I found very claustrophobic and in all honesty unbearable.

I was then triaged, assessed and treated. In total I explained everything three times, had an hour-long major panic attack in the car afterwards and have been very on edge, upset, and on the edge of more panic attacks. I had two more overnight and haven't slept, am very upset.

I'm extremely pissed off in truth and am wondering whether I should complain, through which channels, how far to push and what the outcome would likely be.

I'm posting this in AIBU as I want the brutally honest views!

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
runbummyrun · 26/07/2020 11:37

@NikeDeLaSwoosh yes ... I agree with you

Thisfucker · 26/07/2020 11:37

@piscean10

I'm sorry op, but it was your responsibility to make sure before hand that they were aware and make provisions for you. Everyone knows that you absolutely must ensure safety in a medical setting. To the people sitting around you, I'm sure they were concerned about their own safety first. They could have handled it better by taking you aside once you mentioned that you have MH issues. But I do think you could have avoided this beforehand.
@piscean10 How is the op supposed to know beforehand that she was going to suffer an injury that needs to be treated immediately?
runbummyrun · 26/07/2020 11:38

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut is it wrong but that's actually quite brilliant! Hahahah

Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 11:38

The thing too is that I've been following the governmental guidance all through the pandemic. I knew the guidance stated not to challenge, if the guidance had stated to challenge then I wouldn't have attended the hospital in the first place and simply be suffering a broken limb right now.

OP posts:
Dogsaresomucheasier · 26/07/2020 11:39

You poor thing! I have ptsd that is triggered by perfectly normal dental care, though I’ve been okay with a mask, it’s the other people and loss of control that sets me off.

Do complain to PALS and get some support. The nhs are still finding their way with this like everyone else and I’m sure nobody meant you harm. By reporting it you are letting them know and giving them the opportunity to learn. ( They have been through a lot recently, including not having adequate PPE and being at huge risk too, it’s not surprising they are on the defensive.)

A good phrase to practice for another time or another person,

“I’m not going into this here and now, please check my notes.”

Don’t be afraid to leave if that is what you need in the moment.

Most health care workers do not want to be arseholes to survivors, it’s just that it’s not, yet, the first or most important thing on their minds.

AlternativePerspective · 26/07/2020 11:43

The issue of masks is so incredibly divisive.

TBH I think going forward that there is going to need to be some kind of official card or letter giving an exemption as too many people are going to say “I’m exempt” and if they can’t show some kind of official letter claiming this (it doesn’t need to give the reasons) then more and more people will abuse it.

The hospital absolutely shouldn’t have dealt with it in the way they did, but tbh I think that hospitals are not the same as other places as a hospital will have people there who are vulnerable/at risk, so they need to be sure that someone not able to wear a mask really isn’t rather than risk people who just don’t want to wear one putting vulnerable patients at risk, iyswim.

To the PP who said that a poster who is choosing to wear a mask cannot be exempt, that’s not true. Just because you can claim exemption doesn’t mean you have to.

I am exempt, (serious heart condition plus pulmonary hypertension and associated breathing problems, Plus a mask is a trigger for me back to when I had to wear an oxygen mask in ICU,) but having been on both oxygen and a ventilator in the past these are not experiences I am keen to repeat, and as such I am choosing to wear a mask even though I find it incredibly difficult esp the trigger part...

DomDoesWotHeWants · 26/07/2020 11:43

...and if you are able to wear a mask, you are not exempt.

@NikeDeLaSwoosh

I have a health condition which means automatic exemption, according to the guidelines. So you are wrong. But I can cope with one for short periods. It's the responsible thing to do.

Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 11:43

My local PALS are useless (past experience) so if I complain, and I'm getting the feeling I want to, I'll go to the local CCG I think. I have no interest in making this into something public, but having read the excellent Toolkit linked, if my pain can stop others experiencing similar situations then it's maybe something, but with low self-esteem, and self-worth, I'm not sure it's possible, then there's reliving the experience.

OP posts:
pigoons · 26/07/2020 11:43

Hi OP
Complain at once. You should not have been put in a situation whereby your privacy, dignity and mental health was compromised to such a degree. As soon as you said you couldn't wear one and PTSD they should have taken you to a private area and they should not have expected you to divulge such personal medical info. It is irrelevant to why you are there.

I would immediately realise there is probably a not-very-pleasant reason why a woman is reporting she cannot wear a mask because of PTSD and be sensitive to this. So surely a medical professional should be aware of the prevalence of DV, rape, sexual assault and abuse ....

Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 11:45

@Colycola

The sunflower lanyard is for hidden disabilities. You can pick them up at Tesco customer service. I would go in there if you can and collect one.
I was wearing one.
OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 26/07/2020 11:46

I agree with others about putting in a formal complaint via PALS. I also have disabilities so understand it is difficult to discuss in public places, and can be upsetting when mis-managed. Perhaps you could type your issues onto a card/ paper that you keep with you. If anyone challenges you, show them your card. It maintains privacy since others will not hear about it, and it saves you getting upset talking about it.

frumpety · 26/07/2020 11:46

This is the problem with the you don't have to wear a mask if you can't wear one system when there has been nothing put in place to provide people with something official that can be presented in situations like these.
I do think they handled it badly Flowers

FreeWillies · 26/07/2020 11:47

This is why it should have been better organised.

There's literally no point in having the expectation that people should wear masks with no planning on how to formally identify those that are exempt.

It's not fair to service users OR staff.

Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 11:49

I had a bad experience in boots recently where I was pressured into wearing a mask, had a panic attack and threw up all over the pharmacy counter.

I'm so sorry, your response was brilliant!

I have ptsd that is triggered by perfectly normal dental care

Ah, the dentist. I can empathise, I have to be sedated for even a checkup.

OP posts:
WaterOffADucksCrack · 26/07/2020 11:53

To the people sitting around you, I'm sure they were concerned about their own safety first. Really? Does it not cross anyone's mind that other people may have trauma or other health conditions?

As another rape survivor we carry that with us all the time. It affects our life all the time. We shouldn't have to relive the experience further by having to explain in a room full if strangers then again in front of yet more people. Those staff are a disgrace. I say that as someone who works in healthcare.

Please don't feel bad just because the rape apologists on this thread want you to.

NikeDeLaSwoosh · 26/07/2020 11:55

I have a health condition which means automatic exemption, according to the guidelines. So you are wrong. But I can cope with one for short periods. It's the responsible thing to do

No, I'm sorry but this isn't correct - there is no such thing as an 'automatic exemption'

To be exempt, you need to both

  1. Be unable to wear a mask

AND

  1. Have reasonable excuse (there are definitions of this test in the legislation, but it is non-exhaustive)

A person who is able to wear a mask does not meet the test, as both parts need to be met.

Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 11:57

I would immediately realise there is probably a not-very-pleasant reason why a woman is reporting she cannot wear a mask because of PTSD and be sensitive to this. So surely a medical professional should be aware of the prevalence of DV, rape, sexual assault and abuse ....

I really had no desire to post this on the thread, but it really makes little difference as I'm already identifiable from what I've written. I'd also like to very much stress that I'm not trolling and have been on this site for many years, confirmable by MNHQ. I'm sorry for the drip feed, and it shouldn't have made any difference to the way I was treated, and I hope it won't affect people's views here, but I'm male.

OP posts:
ILikeGinAndCake · 26/07/2020 11:58

Everyone knows you need to wear a mask in a medical environment, you knew they wouldn’t just wave you through without a mask so should have planned ahead or requested to go somewhere private to explain.

Why should healthcare professionals be put at risk because some people don’t like wearing a mask. They needed to make sure you weren’t just avoiding a mask without a genuine reason. Maybe request a letter from your gp to save you explaining the reason in future.

NikeDeLaSwoosh · 26/07/2020 12:00

@ILikeGinAndCake

Everyone knows you need to wear a mask in a medical environment, you knew they wouldn’t just wave you through without a mask so should have planned ahead or requested to go somewhere private to explain.

Why should healthcare professionals be put at risk because some people don’t like wearing a mask. They needed to make sure you weren’t just avoiding a mask without a genuine reason. Maybe request a letter from your gp to save you explaining the reason in future.

Why don't you go and actually read the law, then come back and contribute to the discussion?

You are talking utter nonsense- there is no requirement to wear a mask if you are exempt.

Just because you think something ought to be law, you do realise that doesn't actually make it law?

Original poster
Maskwoes · 26/07/2020 12:02

  • planned ahead or requested to go somewhere private to explain.

Why should healthcare professionals be put at risk because some people don’t like*

Yes, I'll plan ahead next time I want to have an accident Hmm "Don't like" ? Did you actually bother reading my OP?

OP posts:
feelingfragile · 26/07/2020 12:02

@piscean10

I'm sorry op, but it was your responsibility to make sure before hand that they were aware and make provisions for you. Everyone knows that you absolutely must ensure safety in a medical setting. To the people sitting around you, I'm sure they were concerned about their own safety first. They could have handled it better by taking you aside once you mentioned that you have MH issues. But I do think you could have avoided this beforehand.
Total nonsense. These are trained professionals who should be able to understand the significance and impact of mental health. They behaved appallingly.

The responsibility is theirs not the OPs. Once she explained that she has PTSD, they should have stopped the witch hunt.

NikeDeLaSwoosh · 26/07/2020 12:05

Once she explained that she has PTSD, they should have stopped the witch hunt

Actually, according to the government's advice, OP should never have been challenged in first place.

Mintychoc1 · 26/07/2020 12:06

Please stop suggesting that people should get letters from their GP. These letters don’t exist.

genteelwoman · 26/07/2020 12:08

Sorry OP. You shouldn't have gone through that.

This is exactly why those who can wear a mask, should just get on and wear a mask instead of trying to muddy the waters and claim they are exempt when they knowingly know they are not and they are just being selfish. The less people that take the piss, then people just accept and trust those with hidden disabilities to police themselves. You selfish aids are making it difficult for oeople who are genuinely exempt to go about their day.

However, this is no excuse for how you were treated. Please contact PALs.

DomDoesWotHeWants · 26/07/2020 12:09

@NikeDeLaSwoosh

To be exempt, you need to both

I'm pretty sure my GP knows better than you. Hence his email to me telling me I was exempt.

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