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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my report from breast clinic condescending?

477 replies

duletty · 25/07/2020 22:37

I’m 44, had breastfeeding pain for a few months and then found a large lump on the underside of my arm near arm pit.
Gp arranged a quick appointment (was three weeks when usually a two week wait)....
Any way after mammogram and ultrasound they said it was cysts and calcification, so all good.
Got letter today outlining results and it said:
“Saw the this delightful lady in clinic today”......etc etc
I find this language unprofessional and it pissed me off that it was shitty code like a child’s school report.
I have to write reports for EHCPs and use appropriate professional language do it set me on edge.
Am I being precious?

OP posts:
ppappa · 27/07/2020 19:01

God almighty —yes, you are precious - very- is that all you have to worry about ? - get a life -one that doesn’t focus on your micro feelings and expectation that everything has to be to your liking and if it isn’t it’s cause for offence or complaint.

JustDoingMe · 27/07/2020 19:02

Best AIBU post I have seen in a long while!
You found a lump, got checked out reasonably quickly and given the all clear but instead of being grateful FULL STOP (I am spelling it out for effect), you have the audacity to consider complaining to the NHS (which no doubt you were clapping a few weeks back) that someone said something NICE about you in a report.
I get that it sounds a little odd but that seems to be the directive these days but even so this post seems petty. You probably would never like to meet me then, I am the sort of person to give a compliment a random stranger if they are wearing a nice dress, shoes etc.
In the current situation maybe try spreading a little happiness and joy
You are being extremely unreasonable.

Helspopje · 27/07/2020 19:03

I don’t do this but countless colleagues do

I go with ‘it was a pleasure to meet with/speak with me/Mrs x today at y clinic’ if I feel suitably inclined

linsey2581 · 27/07/2020 19:04

I think you are just being a bit precious OP. I had near enough had the same line after I went to see a neurologist as I was suspected to have MS (thankfully I didn’t ). The first line was I was delighted to meet this lovely you lady. I thought it was lovely.

SunshineCake · 27/07/2020 19:04

Yes. You are being precious.

JustDoingMe · 27/07/2020 19:06

@Choccylips

Every medical letter I have received says how delightful I am? Well I must say I don't feel so precious now. Seriously I did wonder what I did that was delightful.
Grin Wink Me too!
sugarbum · 27/07/2020 19:08

Honestly, I got this exact same wording when I went to a private clinic to see about my alopecia. I didn't find it condescending so much as grating, because the consultant who saw me barely glanced in my direction, nor did he bother examining me, which considering the price of the consultation I thought was fucking shit. So to receive that letter (which was a copy as it's meant for the GP) made me laugh bitterly for some time.

JassyRadlett · 27/07/2020 19:12

It’s normal (no member of my family has been anything less than ‘very pleasant’) but bizarre that (a) they think it’s a Sooper Sekrit Code that no one knows about and (b) that they think it’s in any way part of their role to pass comment on their perception of a patient’s personality.

I haven’t encountered it in any other country, and it does seem to hark back to a ‘just do as doctor says’ paternalistic model of healthcare. Along with HCPs calling parents ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’ instead of their names (in non-emergency situations or simply finding ways of not needing to use a name. It’s like medicine hasn’t left the 1950s behind.

The one that really got me was when my youngest was referred for urgent investigations and was variously described as ‘charming’ and ‘delightful’. He was mostly annoyed at being prodded and poked and his personality was essentially ‘enjoying milk’.

JassyRadlett · 27/07/2020 19:13

Absolutely, when I write lovely, delightful etc it’s because they genuinely were and I want the GP to know they were as well

Why? What professional reason is there for the GP to need to know this?

BensonBunny · 27/07/2020 19:16

It means they liked you but I can see how it would been seen as condescending. I start all my letters ‘I had the pleasure of” unless I really don’t like you when I say “I saw/spoke”.

twinmum2007 · 27/07/2020 19:17

If the letters my DH got after his hospital treatment are anything to go by then yes, a man would get a very similar treatment. It's Dr/surgeon code for 'normal.person, not a complete pain in the arse'

Booksandwine80 · 27/07/2020 19:18

Ok so the wording is a bit Hmm but can’t you just be grateful that you’re well? One of my best friends has just been through months of shielding and awful chemotherapy and radiotherapy for breast cancer. She would have given anything to have had a clear result, and wouldn’t have been bothered about being called delightful

winniestone37 · 27/07/2020 19:19

I really wouldn’t let it bother you but I take your point. When I had my consultation at the breast clinic the male consultant informed me ‘ you do know it’s normal to have some breast pain?’ I’m also 44. Patronising prick.

winniestone37 · 27/07/2020 19:21

And @Booksandwine80 how incredibly patronising of you. I’ve had cancer, nearly died and lost the child I was carrying late on. Op has every single right to say she doesn’t like it if she wants to. Do one,

JayAlfredPrufrock · 27/07/2020 19:22

I only got pleasant.

thecroft1984 · 27/07/2020 19:29

Wow find something better to complain about?! Really have a word with yourself this is a first world problem. You seen a doctor for free and you are well? Whatever next!

Aridane · 27/07/2020 19:31

It’s standard - but archaic, irrelevant and, yes, somewhat condescending. Schools reports and vets may refer to their charges in this way but medical professionals need to move on

Aridane · 27/07/2020 19:33

Wow find something better to complain about?! Really have a word with yourself this is a first world problem. You seen a doctor for free and you are well? Whatever next!

Whatever next!

Perhaps expecting the same professionalism and respect the OP enjoys in her dealings with other professionals?!

Congratulations, OP, on the results !

FrolickingLemon · 27/07/2020 19:33

When I was breastfeeding, I got thrush in one nipple. I was prescribed a cream which would have actually been harmful to DD. Anyway, that got sorted, but I then progressed to mastitis. First GP (lady) said to me "it can't possibly be mastitis, Frolicking. Your breasts are far too flabby!"
2 days later I'm hallucinating and have a crazy temperature. Turns out I have a massive abscess which they can't drain with a fine needle so have to go for a massive one which hurt like fuck and all this grey stinking yuck came out.

Anyway, as far as the 'lovely / delightful / charming lady' stuff is concerned, as others have said it's pretty standard although weird to read.

Booksandwine80 · 27/07/2020 19:36

@winniestone37

Do what?

Aglet · 27/07/2020 19:40

I wish I had as little to think about as you seem to.

Aglet · 27/07/2020 19:41

I wish I had as little to worry about as you seem to.

roo2018 · 27/07/2020 19:42

Get a grip OP.

Some people have actual problems 🙄

jmh740 · 27/07/2020 19:43

My husband has similar letters from his neurologist, MS consultant and cardiologist so its definitely not just for women

TheChiefJo · 27/07/2020 19:49

@thecroft1984

It's not free. We pay national insurance for it.