To not let dd go to a sleepover

[jackstini]

DD is 14 and in a close group of 6 friends
One of them is having a sleepover for her birthday tomorrow and all 6 girls are invited

Family is lovely but DH & I have both said no - it's just not allowed
The other girls are all going
DD is gutted and grumpy (although I know she understands why)

AIBU?

It’s really selfish of the parents to put people in this position, therefore I voted YANBU.

I think now you’ve been put in this position you should only agree if you aren’t in regular contact with anyone who is high risk or if no one in your household is at a high risk and if you can afford time off work if you have to isolate.

A sleepover for SIX midst a pandemic is a bit excessive.

And this is why the numbers are going up, because people are throwing caution to the wind.

Spain is on the verge of lockdown again and they were a few weeks ahead of us. While I don’t think we will have another lockdown, I think that just letting the kids go wherever they want is reckless.

And no, children are not less likely to catch COVID, they are less likely to be seriously affected by it. They could still spread the illness to others around them.

Thanks all - looks like voting is slightly in our favour

Some good points/questions for us to think about
Agree dd is unlikely to get Covid/or suffer badly, but could pass it on

To those who asked about vulnerable people
My Aunt, who is in our bubble, is recovering from a recent heart attack and has asthma & diabetes
My Mum has asthma, COPD & 2 stents

Can I afford time off work? Absolutely not
Was made redundant in April and currently only have consultancy work paid daily, 5 days notice, no sick pay...

DD is not up yet this morning but will see how she is later...

Absolutely no chance. YANBU.

What a difficult position to be in.

I can totally understand why it should be a no. I'm getting so annoyed by all the photos on social media of people blatantly ignoring the rules.

But, I can also remember being 14 and how awful being left out felt. I'm not sure I could do that to my daughter.

With your update it should be a definite no. A fourteen year old should well be able to understand the significant risk she’d be posing to her Grandmother and Great Aunt and the possible financial implications for the entire family. I think if you gently explain the above to her, and also to the sleepover parents perhaps, that your daughter should be kind and empathetic and realise that the sooner we get used to these little sacrifices the sooner we can get back to normal.

For your daughter, at 14, friends will rightly be more important than grandma. Rethink logistics, put off seeing ref Vulnerable/SD for a week or two and let the poor girl go.

The posters saying it’s ok because they’ll be mixing at school are handily showing the reason I think schools opening without social distancing Is a mistake. It’ll effectively end social distancing everywhere.

Unfortunately vulnerable Aunt doesn't have anyone else near - she has no DC and other nephews/nieces are multiple hours drive/flight away

I was wondering whether to let her go round just in the garden for a bit, but not stay over with them all in the same room - but how do I suggest that to the Mum without sounding like I am saying 'why are you inviting 5 other households into your home overnight when it's against all the guidelines'?!

@Goingprivate2020

For your daughter, at 14, friends will rightly be more important than grandma. Rethink logistics, put off seeing ref Vulnerable/SD for a week or two and let the poor girl go.

But everyone in the family will have to put off seeing vulnerable relatives. That seems unfair and possibly impossible.

Of your aunt doesn’t live with you, you can SD while you still support her.

This is the most important thing in the world for a teenager. Make her/their year. You can’t underestimate the effect of saying no on her well being.

Cardibach - it’s for a week, for a special occasion. My gran/aunt would have totally got that , and encouraged it,

For your daughter, at 14, friends will rightly be more important than grandma.

I’ve been teaching for all my adult life. I’ve never met a 14 year old who would rather risk a grandparent’s life than miss a sleepover.

but how do I suggest that to the Mum without sounding like I am saying 'why are you inviting 5 other households into your home overnight when it's against all the guidelines'?!

“Hi birthday girl’s mum. We have a bit of a dilemma. DD is very upset as we’ve said we aren’t comfortable with her attending the sleepover. It’s a risk we just don’t feel comfortable to take as we have two dependent high risk relatives and we’d never forgive ourselves if DD ended up passing Covid on to them. I’m also not able to take time off work to isolate due to recently being made redundant from a previous position. As you can see it’s a difficult time but we would like to be as fair to dd as possible. Would it be ok if she missed the sleepover but paid the birthday girl a visit in the garden, observing social distancing? Hope you understand and that this would be ok for you.”

And in a month they’ll be licking each other in school...ridiculous. Sometimes you have to give a bit, bend the rules and let kids be kids. This is that time.

She would never get over the mortification of that Proposes parental Exchange.

Thank you @NameChange84
Will ask dd what she is comfortable with me sending too

And she’s not risking grandmas life if everyone SD from grandma fir a short period afterwards. Simples. Bet grandmas would encourage it.

DD was invited to a sleepover at the weekend. She didn't want to sleep away from home and I wouldn't have agreed if she had wanted to! So, she joined the group for the afternoon, hung out with her friends and came home. No drama.
You don't need to go into detail to explain yourself. Could your DD go along for part of the get together?
Of DD's friends there are wide variations of family risk, anxiety about meeting etc. So if girls decide (or their parents decide) not to join it, that's fine, no judgement on anyone's choices.

What are you worried about? All the child deaths that there haven't been? I'd let her go

What are you worried about? All the child deaths that there haven't been? I'd let her go

Why have you not bothered to read the thread?

She’s worried about her daughter passing it on to ill elderly relatives and also the financial implications of having to isolate if op develops symptoms .

You are not being unreasonable here. As her parent, part of your job is to keep her safe, not expose her to risks if you don't have to. I realise it has been hard for everyone, but children need to learn that life can be difficult sometimes. Who would she blame later, if she became ill? That would be you, of course, for allowing her to go.

Could you not just take her out for the day instead? I think it would be harder if she went for part of it and then had to leave. They will all be excited and talking about the evenings plans and your DD will probably end up feeling more excluded.

Good point @Igotthemheavyboobs
So torn and I know it's unfair on dd

For your daughter, at 14, friends will rightly be more important than grandma.

How odd. Odd to think that and odd to suggest it would be 'right'

Sleepovers are allowed aren’t they? Is it the amount of girls?

I let DD have 2 friends over for a sleepover this week
But they will all be in the same class next Sept and had all been back to school for an afternoon in the same bubble