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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let dd go to a sleepover

86 replies

jackstini · 25/07/2020 18:30

DD is 14 and in a close group of 6 friends
One of them is having a sleepover for her birthday tomorrow and all 6 girls are invited

Family is lovely but DH & I have both said no - it's just not allowed
The other girls are all going
DD is gutted and grumpy (although I know she understands why)

AIBU?

OP posts:
Feelingconfused2020 · 25/07/2020 20:15

Personally I think yabu. What size school do they go to that they will be in 4 different bubbles? That's impressive. Our whole year group is a bubble and that's over 200 kids.

If they weren't going back to school i would feel differently but rates aren't likely to be that much lower in 6 weeks so I don't really get the issue.

Having said that I would have told my dd to have just one friend for a sleepover or do a BBQ in garden or something as I think it's unfair to have put you in this awkward position and o wouldn't do it to my dd's friends parents because everyone feels differently about this and has their own reasons.

Rosebel · 25/07/2020 20:34

I'd let her go. Lockdown has been awful for teenagers. My daughter's are having a sleep over at their grandparents with their cousin tomorrow night.
I'm sure they won't social distance but will be mixing a lot more (despite the bubbles) in September.
Having said that I can understand why you'd be cautious but I think we need to start allowing our children a little bit of normal in their lives.

Original poster
jackstini · 25/07/2020 23:39

There are 240 in her year and keeping them in 4 bubbles of 60 from September

I do really feel for her not going, but am annoyed it's even being put out there as an option! For dd's bday during lockdown we just said no to seeing people - so no one had to worry.

OP posts:
Lollypop4 · 25/07/2020 23:44

I was really undecided on this one..,
Then I read the proffesions you mentioned of the parents , I would say no too.

MiddleClassProblem · 25/07/2020 23:54

Even if you have made the right decision, I hope you can see how much this sucks for her. It’s not even like just missing out on a sleepover in the regular world, it’s a type of social interaction she hasn’t had proper access to in a long time (meeting in a field etc is not the same as most of us know).

I agree with app who said to make sure she has something special going on instead. It’s not your fault and it’s certainly not her fault that she’s missing out so it’s a good way to express that.

cuntryclub · 25/07/2020 23:56

I think covid has taken enough from people. I would say yes to this. I'm in Scotland where we are only seeing 20ish cases a day atm though.

frustrationcentral · 26/07/2020 00:55

I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with this either. DS1 has had a friend over to stay a couple of times , and the other day when he was staying they'd gone to meet another friend who popped in when they came back - I didn't even think about it! I certainly wouldn't have been happy with more than 3 though. I don't mind DS meeting up in bigger groups, but they stay outdoors etc

KindKylie · 26/07/2020 01:05

I would have said yes, particularly as our region has almost no cases at the moment.

DC have borne the brunt of all this and desperately need some social interaction, freedom and normality.

I personally think given that young people are planning to start uni, in halls of residence and HMO in a handful of weeks time, with students from all over the globe flying in... A sleepover with 6 known local friends is nothing and would be massively important to her wellbeing.

I can't see how any SD is going to be achieved in Sept with schools and unis back, and can see us all being locked down or quarantined a lot in the autumn, so I'm encouraging my DC to see their friends and have some fun over the summer to help us cope with an isolated winter.

Goingprivate2020 · 26/07/2020 01:11

YABU. I’d say yes. They’ve missed so much to protect others. Just let her go, have some fun, be normal for a few hours. Their mental health trumps minuscule Covid risk.

Both my kids have had sleepovers, one a party sleepover. But for insufficient space/staff, they’d all have been in bubbles in school. It’s fine.

Emmelina · 26/07/2020 01:13

I personally wouldn’t. Not that I’d be worried about the kids catching it exactly - generally they’re a very low risk group for complications; it’s the six separate families they all come from. That’s a lot of potentially vulnerable people to get sick.
I’m really surprised so many are saying yes, to be honest!

Deadringer · 26/07/2020 01:16

I would have let her go, but you have said no so she just has to accept it.

5plus3 · 26/07/2020 01:26

My 5 kids, 14-6, have not been allowed any close contact with friends as I care for my shielding parents. As much as pp say they can't catch it, they can carry and pass it on

cantsaynotocake · 26/07/2020 01:53

I would let her go personally x

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 26/07/2020 02:03

I wouldn't have been very comfortable with this (and a bit annoyed that the parents of the other girl put you in this position) but I would let her go if she isn't in contact with anyone who is elderly. To reduce the risk I'd probably make her quarantine in her room for a week afterwards.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/07/2020 02:12

I'd think the same as you op.

I'm shocked so many people are ignoring the rules.

Porcupineinwaiting · 26/07/2020 02:20

I have 2 teenagers. They meet with friends-outside. There's no going into each others houses, let alone sleep overs.

Canuckduck · 26/07/2020 03:02

I’ve told my children that I am not currently comfortable with sleepovers. It’s definitely not allowed here and is far too many bubbles coming into contact for a prolonged period of time. Yes it’s difficult but there will be plenty of chances for other parties and sleepovers. I don’t think it’s the end of the world.

uniglowooljumper · 26/07/2020 03:08

I'd have let her go.

MinnieJackson · 26/07/2020 03:26

I haven't rtft sorry but are they close friend 's?

MrMeSeeks · 26/07/2020 03:45

Yanbu, you are doing the right thing.

Coyoacan · 26/07/2020 03:47

I think you are prioritising concerns about her physical health at the expense of her mental health. Unless there is someone extremely vulnerable in your household, I would let her go.

IHaveBrilloHair · 26/07/2020 04:05

I'd allow it, her mental health and friendships are important, and they'll be mixing at school soon anyway.

Crumpets111 · 26/07/2020 05:02

Why can't she go OP? So she is expected to return back to school but not allowed to have a sleepover with her friends? No I think Yabu

Crumpets111 · 26/07/2020 05:09

@KindKylie my sons university are not returning, but doing zoom classes instead, with only tutorials and lab based worked being done at the end of the year.

squeekums · 26/07/2020 05:14

YABU
she is the only one excluded in a group of teen girls, poor girl.
Do you remember how dynamics with teen girls can change by missing a group thing? especially if you keep saying no to everything that comes up with he group of friends. In the end, they just won't bother asking her.
Her mental health matters too