Summer hols and now the housework is down to me?

[SummerHolsClean]

I'm a teacher in a primary school (job change for me) and just started the 6weeks summer hols. I've still got to go in during this time and get the classroom ready for pupils (putting up new displays, labelling new school books, prepping work etc) and reading all the new stuff about supporting students after lockdown and how the curriculum is now going to look.

DH has today said that he feels I should now do more of the cleaning than him as I’m off work. At the moment we share the cleaning - he hates doing it.

I was a bit surprised at his suggestion and had to point out that my job hasn’t stopped as I’ve still got stuff to do. He acknowledged this but said he didn’t feel it was fair as he is still working hard (he’s in IT, works from home, well paid role) and the kids and I are off.

So I’m wondering if this works with other relationships - do you do more housework when you’re on holiday and your partner not?

YABU - Yes the partner on holiday should do the lions share. YANBU - No, it should still be split equally.

Does he usually spend his annual leave doing all the cleaning? Serious question not sarcastic. I guess it depends what the precedent is

You won’t be in that much. I’m a workaholic deputy head and even I manage to have time in the holidays and I do displays in about 6 classrooms, plus write the timetable, duty schedules etc....

YABU. You should do more (but not all)

Yes, the person on holiday should do more. Not all of it though.

Technically, you’ve gone from FT work to PT as it is the summer. So, yes, you should pick up a few of his chores to even things out. I do not think though that this means you have to do all of housework and he does nothing. Even if you were a SAHM and he the sole earner, he should still have some household chores on the weekends.

My DH and I have a principle that one of us should not be relaxing and doing nothing while the other is working. And work is all work, paid employment and unpaid housework.

Yes, the person on holiday should do more, be that you or him. Depending how old they are, the kids should help out too.

Tricky with me, dh does shifts, so if I’m on leave, he might also be for overlapping days. He can’t really ask me to do more. I think your dh is not unreasonable to expect you to do more. As a teacher, you are not going to be working full time for the holidays.

@Pollyputthepizzaon

Does he usually spend his annual leave doing all the cleaning? Serious question not sarcastic. I guess it depends what the precedent is

No.

He doesn't take annual leave very often, usually carries most of it over! But when he does, no he doesn't take on extra. This is the first time he has ever suggested this. He has got some leave booked later in the year and is visiting his parents.

@trinity0097

You won’t be in that much. I’m a workaholic deputy head and even I manage to have time in the holidays and I do displays in about 6 classrooms, plus write the timetable, duty schedules etc....

I know I won't be in that much, I wanted however to point out to him that my job hasn't finished, I've still got stuff to do.

Of course you should. You're part time over the summer, he's still working full time.

My DH regards looking after our DC as the hardest job in the world (he's wrong, they're delightful), so his guilt about leaving that to me means he picks up a lot more of the household chores.

Who is looking after the children though? That should also be factored in. I work PT but do all summer childcare so we equally split housework.

FGS, you’re the sort of person who gives teachers a bad name.

Both myself and my husband are teachers, he is a deputy and other than the odd day there is absolutely no work to be done.

Of course you should do more cleaning!

You’re now part time, at the very most whilst your husband is full time

and whoever mentioned annual leave above, you simply cannot compare annual leave entitlement to the amount of time off teachers get

A discussion about holiday days together, holiday days separately and work days needs to happen

Only when neither of you are 'working' should either of you being doing more house work

@lauriefairycake if one is working part time then they should pick up some extra house work.

I covered that

"Only when neither are working should anyone be doing extra housework"

It depends what your plans are for the summer. I usually spend it doing the jobs we never get time for. I've painted the downstairs loo so far and keep on top of the garden and do some deep cleaning rather than the usual cursory make it look ok kind of cleaning . But yes, you should be doing more at home. That way, when you have joint leisure time, it can be exactly that. Why wouldn't you?

Partly depends how old dc are and how evenly you usually work so say you usually work 60hrs and he does 40hrs then you probably do deserve to do less in the holidays than if you usually work 20hrs and he works 40. Also depends if he is planning to down tools entirely or just do a little less.

I'm a teacher and I take on more of the household jobs during the summer holidays and feel that's the right thing to do. How old are your children? If there are toddlers / babies he is unreasonable. If they are older you are.

@2155User

FGS, you’re the sort of person who gives teachers a bad name.

Both myself and my husband are teachers, he is a deputy and other than the odd day there is absolutely no work to be done.

Of course you should do more cleaning!

You’re now part time, at the very most whilst your husband is full time

and whoever mentioned annual leave above, you simply cannot compare annual leave entitlement to the amount of time off teachers get

This. Dh is deputy head. He may go in for two or three days, he has our kids all school holidays and always has done. And does the house shit. During term I work and do all the juggling to facilitate it.

It's only here I come across teachers up until midnight, in school at 6am and working all holidays.

@LaurieFairyCake

A discussion about holiday days together, holiday days separately and work days needs to happen

Only when neither of you are 'working' should either of you being doing more house work

This. He wants to down tools completely. Working FT is not a Get Out of Life Free pass. That's what he wants, though.

You're right AriettyHomily. Teaching isn't 9-5 in the same way no othet professional job is but no one I work with will be doing more than a few hours here and there over the summer.

He hates cleaning does he?

Does he believe that being in posession of a uterus makes cleaning more fun, or what?

Compared to what your job normally is, it has very nearly stopped. I'm secondary, am moving schools and taking a promotion, so I have a lot of prep to do with new courses to plan etc to make life easier from September. I'll maybe do 15-20 hours a week because so much of this is new to me, but I will take nearly all the household responsibilty over the summer holidays. How would it be fair that I sit on my arse all day and expect my partner to come home and cook me my tea? Clean the house top to bottom?

Please don't be a teacher martyr; whilst we do work a bit in the holidays it isn't the usual 60 hours is it? Don't make out that you will be run off your feet.

How old are your kids? I think that makes a difference. If you're looking after a 4 and a 5 year old that's quite tiring in itself and gives you a lot less free time than say a 14 and 16 year old. If they entertain themselves then yes I think you should do more, I'd be pissed off if I was working all day and my husband then expected me to do half of everything on top of my job while he watched tv all day or something. That doesnt mean I'd expect to do nothing and would chip in in evenings and weekends but would expect the bulk of it to be done by the one at home