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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Summer hols and now the housework is down to me?

60 replies

SummerHolsClean · 24/07/2020 20:24

I'm a teacher in a primary school (job change for me) and just started the 6weeks summer hols. I've still got to go in during this time and get the classroom ready for pupils (putting up new displays, labelling new school books, prepping work etc) and reading all the new stuff about supporting students after lockdown and how the curriculum is now going to look.

DH has today said that he feels I should now do more of the cleaning than him as I’m off work. At the moment we share the cleaning - he hates doing it.

I was a bit surprised at his suggestion and had to point out that my job hasn’t stopped as I’ve still got stuff to do. He acknowledged this but said he didn’t feel it was fair as he is still working hard (he’s in IT, works from home, well paid role) and the kids and I are off.

So I’m wondering if this works with other relationships - do you do more housework when you’re on holiday and your partner not?

YABU - Yes the partner on holiday should do the lions share. YANBU - No, it should still be split equally.

OP posts:

SanFrancisco49er · 24/07/2020 22:21

My husband is a secondary teacher and SLT. He gets 12-13 weeks off a year and I get 4. My time off is our time together if I can get time off during school holidays. He takes on most of the load at home while I'm working and he's not.
Not because I ask him to, it's just a natural thing to do I think. If I'm off and he's working, I do most of it.
He hardly ever works in the holidays bar conference calls.

SarahBellam · 24/07/2020 22:25

So you’re off for 6 weeks and you describe about a week’s worth of work? Of course you should be taking on a bit more.

PaquitaVariation · 24/07/2020 22:29

YABU. Absolutely in the holidays I do more. How would it be fair for me to sit at home for 13 weeks of the year whilst DH has to go to work? And you’re really overestimating the amount of work you’ll need to do in the six weeks.

D4rwin · 24/07/2020 22:30

He's presumably rushing to spend all his time with the kids when he's finished for the day giving you lots of time to focus on this cleaning then?

But wouldn't you just automatically do more? If stuff needs doing and you don't have work to do what are you doing? Waiting for the laundry fairy?

reluctantbrit · 24/07/2020 22:41

It depends on how much you have to work and how old your children are.

I am pt anyway and I do more chores than DH but we also have a cleaner as we both hate housework.

But, DD is a teen now, so in the last couple of years I could do more as she is fairly self sufficient. But when she was younger I spent time with her and ignored chores.

We normally split annual leave, we have some time together and the rest is used to cover as much school holiday as possible. When DH is off but DD doesn’t need entertainment he does housework or DIY.

I would encourage your DH to take more annual leave.

The6thQueen · 24/07/2020 22:54

I’m secondary, kids 9 and 7. Always have picked up the slack whilst on holiday. It’s a no brainer. I am at home, without having to give much headspace to work. Summer holidays have always been my time to get house jobs done - I save them up all year

Displays do not take that long - a solid week of work at most (and that would be some display!). Other work takes about a week (of solid working, which let’s face it, we don’t do, we spread it out).
Therefore I will take on the greater share of housework.

That said DH would never dream of picking me up on any work not done. He understands looking after kids comes in fits and starts.

Chocoholic12 · 24/07/2020 23:00

YABU OP. You wont be doing much work compared to normal so you have more free time.

SMarie123 · 24/07/2020 23:04

How old are the kids? How many of them are there? Do you do all the cooking for the family? If the childcare element is really substantial I don't think you should own the housework too.

If he is in a well paid job why don't you get a cleaner? It would take the resentment out of the situation.

TheSmallAssassin · 24/07/2020 23:18

If I took a week off work, I wouldn't expect to spend it doing more housework. It's his lookout if he doesn't take his leave.

Anyway, each of you should be doing half of it all the time, it only takes an hour or two, I don't see why you should be doing any more now. I guess you are still contributing financially as much as you usually do.

If you're at home making more mess, then you should clean up after yourself, but why should you do more?

BackforGood · 24/07/2020 23:19

So I’m wondering if this works with other relationships - do you do more housework when you’re on holiday and your partner not?

Of course I do / did.
If you drop from doing 60 hours a week to nothing (most weeks) and probably 20 or so hours at the start and end of the holidays, then clearly you hae far more time, unless you are going to drip feed that you have 3 yr old triplets that you've taken out of their Nursery for the Summer, in which case I am holding on the the right to change my vote.

Original poster

SummerHolsClean · 26/07/2020 14:44

Thanks to everyone for responses. I think there were some other things said Friday between DH and myself that were clouding my judgement. He had suggested the less cleaning for himself off the back of suggesting I do more home baking etc and I felt it was going down the traditional route. I have previously been a SAHM where I did all housework and childcare, and sometimes have felt that my new career, as it pays significantly less, is less worthy than his. I may have a chip on my shoulder that needs looking at. Definitely some stuff for me to think about!

As to the teacher comments, I was quite surprised. This is a new role for me, I'm understandably nervous, and there feels like there is a lot for me to do and wrap my head around. It seems others don't have the same as me, maybe your primary school is different? I think however I'll explore that on a different thread as I'm interested how other schools operate.

OP posts:

Phineyj · 26/07/2020 15:42

I think it's fair to say you work pretty hard in the first few years of teaching because you haven't yet got systems and resources to fall back on. After that, it depends much more on what your school's like, whether the syllabus has changed recently, if you have management responsibilities etc.

If you were at home full time before, then it makes sense that you and DH to need to renegotiate (if he hates cleaning that much, he could hire a cleaner?) but it's hard to say whether the situation is unfair without knowing how much childcare is involved and who does it.

I do expect my DH to appreciate his good fortune in never needing to arrange school holiday care, as I am generally off the same time as our DD.

Theluggagerules · 26/07/2020 16:08

Unless he does everything while on leave then no it's not just your job. If he's carrying over leave then tell him to use the money from that for a cleaner. A new career in teaching does require a lot of prep, but as you aren't in school he is obviously not seeing it as real work. Good luck, he sounds like a gem

thunderthighsohwoe · 26/07/2020 16:20

I’m a teacher and do all of the housework anyway....BUT DP does all food shopping and cooking, which I hate.

We don’t change that arrangement during most holidays, as it’s only the summer that’s long enough to allow us teachers to take time off. During the summer I offer to do the cooking, but DP rarely takes me up on it.

My suggestion? Become crap at housework like I am at cooking and that suggestion will soon disappear!

mindutopia · 26/07/2020 16:25

Well, you aren't on holiday, you are just working shorter days. I think it sounds fair that you should do more of the housework if you are working less each day, assuming your dc are old enough to not need constant attention (babies/toddlers). I work FT from home and if dh was working shorter days, I'd be annoyed if he expected me to carry more of that load during my work days. I would expect it to be shared when we are both not working, but if one of us has more free time, I think that person should be sorting out some tasks when they can (but obviously not when they are working normal hours as you may be some days over the summer).

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 26/07/2020 16:31

Is this your first summer holidays? Are you about to go into your NQT year or have you just finished your NQT year?

Either way, enjoy the time of not having much to do. Yes, there are the odd jobs that need doing during the summer but not too much (a couple of days worth at most). Set aside a few days to get it done and then enjoy the rest of your break.

I’m a teacher (going on maternity in September though so no new class this year) and I take over childcare during the day as DD is 6. We keep the rest of the split pretty much the same. DH cooks dinner mostly but I do most of the cleaning. We’re happy with this arrangement.

Kidneybingo · 26/07/2020 16:34

I definitely take on the bulk of housework in the summer. It's still better for both of us because I can be flexible and have a day out if the weather's good. Plus we have evenings together because I'm not working, so it's still a nicer time than term time.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 26/07/2020 16:37

I work in a school but have no work over the summer. I pick up the vast majority during the holidays as I have so much free time. Still have plenty of time to relax and also take DS out for fun days. Probably one hour of my day is taken up with housework and about half an hour on meal preparation. Leaves loads of time for other things and I love that when DH finishes work for the day we can just relax as a family and our weekends are largely free of housework (bit of laundry and cooking).

fishonabicycle · 26/07/2020 16:45

You should do more. But make sure he knows when he is on holiday, he has to do more too.

MintyMabel · 26/07/2020 17:01

If he has a well paid IT role, hire a cleaner. Life is too short to sweat this kind of stuff.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/07/2020 17:02

"DH has today said that he feels I should now do more of the cleaning than him as I’m off work."
Lazy, lazy, lazy of him. I'll bet he sees his cleaning as 'helping you' rather than 'doing his share' too.

2155User · 26/07/2020 20:38

I cannot comprehend the posters asking the OP to make sure DH does his fair share when he is on annual leave.

General Annual leave is not even a 1/4 of the amount of time teachers get off.

DH isn’t lazy, OP is lazy for thinking they don’t have to pick up extra house jobs whilst they have more time off

Kidneybingo · 26/07/2020 21:05

General Annual leave is not even a 1/4 of the amount of time teachers get off

Since when? You are entitled to 5.6 weeks including bank holidays.

2155User · 26/07/2020 21:08

@Kidneybingo

Sorry, not even 1/2.

My point still stands though. A teacher gets way more time off and therefore should definitely do more when at home

killerofmen · 26/07/2020 21:15

I can't believe people are saying you're being unreasonable. I would have laughed in his face.

Alternatively, well paid role = cleaner.

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