To leave the profession after a few months?

[Vienettadream17]

First time poster and not sure if this is in the right
place but really hoping for some advice/support please from people who are maybe in a similar situation!
I qualified as a midwife recently, loved my training, but since qualifying I my feelings towards midwifery have changed. The trust that I’m working at are massively understaffed - to unsafe levels in my opinion. I dread every shift and cry before and after each one. I forget to document the slightest little thing and I’m made to feel like I’ve committed the worst kind of crime. The women seem utterly miserable (I understand that they probably are during covid - who can blame them!) despite me feeling like I bend over backwards for them, rarely get so much as a thank you. Rarely get a break throughout my shifts. I can’t enjoy any of my days off because I feel sick at the thought of my next shift. And I’m always paranoid something bad is going to happen and I will loose my pin. I’ve lost weight and people have started commenting that I look ill.

It’s also starting to effect my relationship now. I can tell my partner is becoming miserable because he never sees me happy anymore. He has been so supportive and has encouraged me to seek another job if I want to.

Anybody else having similar feelings?/have already left and feel much happier? Thanks x

I'm not a midwife, but do work in the NHS. I sounds awful and I really feel for you. Is moving trusts an option?

YABU to suggest women in labour aren't at their most happiest!!! If you hate it that much, leave. Labouring women need people who are passionate and enjoy their job.

Thank you for the work you do! It’s so under appreciated.

There will be lots of other options you can switch to!

Firstly I would speak to someone at work about how you are feeling before it gets worse x

Maybe they’re miserable because they’re in an unsafe understaffed hospital with an unhappy midwife?

If you’re miserable then of course you should leave, but it seems like a very short amount of time.

Is there another trust you could move too? A better hospital?

It sounds like a miserable place to work. Would it be worthwhile looking at jobs in another trust before thinking about quitting the profession entirely?

I would consider moving trusts or even just hospital first, or looking into further qualifications, such as to be a health visitor. Of course you can leave whenever and your health is more important than a job, but to get through 3 years of a challenging degree and leave the profession fully because of a bad experience seems a shame.

Just to clarify, I am always really positive around the women, I work so hard to give them the best experience possible. I feel like this mostly when I’m home!

OP, YANBU to want to leave a job that you find stressful.

Women in labour can be scared, exhausted, in pain, happy, euphoric. I certainly wasn't at my happiest. But we all need to be able to lean on our midwife and draw from her strength and confidence.

If you aren't able to give that, then you are probably in the wrong job. You need to do something different, and they probably need someone different too.

That isn't a criticism of you but it's better to deal with the issue now before something has the chance to go wrong. Talk to your manager and look around the trust to see how you could adapt your knowledge to another job.

I have been in a similar situation, loved my training, hated my job. I left my place of work and decided to leave the career. I am now in a wonderful job that is related to my training (but in a different way) and have the most supportive team around me. My advice would be to look after your mental heath and wellbeing, try moving trusts/ job roles/ leave and do another job. 1 year after leaving my ‘first career’ I am a completely different person, much happier and content and it was the best decision I’ve made. Try and think whether it is the job itself that makes you feel this way or the group of people / workplace and look after your own health first - you can’t pour from an empty cup

It's much to soon to give up, I've been a nurse for 20 years and a podiatrist for 15 or thereabouts and I feel like this everytime I start a new job including recently when I started at a new trust but now I love it.
You need at least a year to settle in properly and for things to feel a bit less stressful.
Give yourself a time frame - say 18 months, then if you still hate it consider working somewhere else or going private.
You need 18 months post grad experience or that's it your career is over. It is tough and I still get told off even now if I miss something but you don't care about it as much once you have more experience.
I know it's hard but try and go to work positive and say to yourself I am going to learn something valuable today.
Don't moan to your husband after work, it makes everything worse and he will get fed up with you, if you act positive you will feel more positive.
If you have a time frame after which you will leave you will not feel so desperate all the time. You will get there but really 4 months is way too early.

Change place of work before you change jobs entirely.

If that doesnt help, change jobs. Or country . Dont get stuck.

I left a trust free 4 months. It was unsafe. Staffing levels were horrible and it was one of the worst experiences I’ve had.
I went into community for a while which was much better and now work part time community and part time in a different hospital trust for the last 10 years and love it. This isn’t midwifery however.

I would definitely consider leaving your trust but I wouldn’t leave the profession completely until trying other avenues first. There are so many jobs opportunities open

I think it sounds like youre getting no oppotunity to debrief or talk about your shift. I would give it longer as these arent normal times.

Thank you for your responses. I have considered the community - I loved it as a student. The only problem is there aren’t many jobs for band 5 community midwives where I am. I had always planned to move into the community after gaining some experience on the wards but I honestly feel like I would have a breakdown if I had to stay where I am for a year plus!!

Yeah work in a different hospital or trust before you throw the towel in. You could branch to being a private doula or an academic.

Honestly, I think it's too early to tell if you'll like the job long term. Pretty much every role I've ever taken, no matter how much I wanted it, I seriously wanted to leave within the first few months. The one I'm in now I even got go far as seriously considering requesting demotion. Thankfully my self-imposed rule is give it a year. Within six months I enjoyed it, and by the time the year was up it was by far my favourite role yet. If course it's not guaranteed to work out like that, but if suggest you set yourself a deadline to make a decision, day in six months time. That should help you in the bad days as there's light at the end of the tunnel, but also gives you time to find your feet and truly see if this is the right role for you

I'm sorry you having such a tough time. I really appreciated the work the midwifes did for my 4 children, antenatal and during delivery and after.

If I came across as miserable I was only concerned about baby or in pain. I did send a card after each one but there must be millions who don't or didn't know fully what you did to protect them and baby and all the impact that has on you.

I hope you check every avenue before leaving. Try clinics. Try changing department. Try reducing hours. Extra training/ receiving some mentoring.

My husband went through similar in his line of work for first 4 months, he quit, did teaching(!) and then after 6 months came back to it, in different department, different people and thrived. It wasn't the job, he just got stuck in a rut and imposter syndrome /self doubt became so much he left because he felt he couldn't do the job. 15 years on its still his vocation.

PS he is not a midwife but I think the experience may be similar (is healthcare)

OP I don’t think you are being unreasonable and I am so sorry you feel so unsupported. I understand that the threat of losing your pain is very real and it can add an extra layer of stress. You clearly enjoyed your training, do you mind if I ask if you got your job is with the trust that you trained in? If not, would it be possible for you to go back to that trust? It may be, rather than changing your profession you need to change your trust? They vary considerably and I have known Midwives change trusts for a better job only to absolutely hate it and return to their original trust in a matter of months. Also, what about exploring alternatives with your midwifery qualification? It’s a great qualification to have. Have you thought about health visiting? It may be that they are still recruiting students for September. Also, what about community midwifery? Or even have a break for a couple of months and then come back to it. Your pin will still be valid and it will give you time to explore your options. All the very best 💐

Pain- PIN

Move trusts definitely, not job just yet. Then focus on moving into the community in a year or two.

You are newly qualified and you are not getting the support you need. Can you approach HR in confidence?

Maybe I didn’t phrase the bit about women being miserable as well as I should of!! Of course they are miserable in labour! What I meant was there is rarely a thank you, and my colleagues say this is getting worse. The midwives that have been there a long time say women used to be very appreciative but instead now are very quick to complain about the slightest of things.(I had a lady the other day that complained because I didn’t answer her call bell within 20 seconds. It takes me 20s to walk up the corridor!!) This makes me feel truly terrible because I feel like I can’t do anything to make them happy!

ihv.org.uk/for-health-visitors/becoming-a-hv/

Could you face another year of training to become a health visitor as per the link above? Then your midwifery qualifications aren't wasted.

As you are newly qualified, I would expect there to be some sort of mentor around to support you - in the absence of a formal arrangement, is there anyone more experienced on your team that you could talk to?

Without naming your Trust, are you in one which is good, or one which is struggling? If the latter, can you find a job at the former type?