To leave the profession after a few months?

[Vienettadream17]

First time poster and not sure if this is in the right
place but really hoping for some advice/support please from people who are maybe in a similar situation!
I qualified as a midwife recently, loved my training, but since qualifying I my feelings towards midwifery have changed. The trust that I’m working at are massively understaffed - to unsafe levels in my opinion. I dread every shift and cry before and after each one. I forget to document the slightest little thing and I’m made to feel like I’ve committed the worst kind of crime. The women seem utterly miserable (I understand that they probably are during covid - who can blame them!) despite me feeling like I bend over backwards for them, rarely get so much as a thank you. Rarely get a break throughout my shifts. I can’t enjoy any of my days off because I feel sick at the thought of my next shift. And I’m always paranoid something bad is going to happen and I will loose my pin. I’ve lost weight and people have started commenting that I look ill.

It’s also starting to effect my relationship now. I can tell my partner is becoming miserable because he never sees me happy anymore. He has been so supportive and has encouraged me to seek another job if I want to.

Anybody else having similar feelings?/have already left and feel much happier? Thanks x

Patients are not there to validate you or make you feel good about yourself.

You are there to meet their needs and care for them not the other way around.

My friend left midwifery after trust rules indicated an intervention that she thought was unnecessary and it resulted in the traumatic birth she knew it would, but was rendered powerless to stop. It just wasn’t what she had trained to do and went against all her mother-instincts and most of her professional training.

She side stepped into a related admin position, but would community or private practice midwifery be an option worth exploring? Or even just a different trust?
I suspect it’s a 6 of one half dozen of the other problem regards to culture of unhappy women and unhappy midwives - midwives are operating amongst a bunch of trust rules that women don’t know about or don’t understand because they got all their info from idealistic water birth photography and/or terrifying emergency maternity documentaries or horror stories.

It used to be that women kept their birth traumas to themselves to avoid scaring the bejesus out of other women - that wasn’t very healthy either (my first labour and birth were horrific and it was massive shock that things could go so wrong and I was probably quite rigid in the sort of support I thought I needed when I finally risked another baby almost 12 years later!) so we do need some kind of balance - problem is, the kind of thing that creates that balance (face to face human connections) such as Sure Start centres, ante natal classes, baby groups etc have been decimated, firstly by austerity and now by Covid. I feel quite sad for women who have become first time mums in 2020 (and many who have become second and beyond time mums again too).

I’ve been a nurse for 11 years (16 years total including college/uni), the training and the actual job are massively massively different. It doesn’t seem like it at the time but once you get that PIN is when you start properly learning. You get to the end of training and think wow, I’ve learned so much! Then you get a job and suddenly you realise that actually you know very little.

Give it a bit longer while keeping your eye on other jobs in other units, flag things up to your manager about feeling unsupported. Gain as much experience as you can in your current role whilst also looking for other jobs.

Understaffing is a massive issue in a lot of places just now and it takes courage and experience to speak up on it, which does take time (it comes more easily for some people!).

Always think of your PIN, don’t put yourself in unsafe situations and try to make the most of it while you’re there.

I work in critical care, theatre previously, my patients rarely say thank you but I don’t go to work for the thanks, I’m not trying to act like I do it for the love of the job either and pretend I’m Florence, but what I mean is that you’re a part of that persons overall journey in hospital. You know only what you’ve been told by them, their families, colleagues so you can’t judge them when they don’t respond to a situation based on how you would respond. When they say thanks it is lovely, it is very much appreciated and it does make you feel like you’ve done something good for them that day, but I don’t expect them to say it.

Additionally, there are always places you can move to and avenues you can go down in nursing and midwifery, always something else you can try :)

I felt just like you did in another job as a recruitment consultant. Only lasted four months but the pressures of documenting and pleasing everyone left me feeling the lowest I've ever felt mentally. Everyone told me to stick it out but I physically couldn't I was crying everyday four times a day. One morning I had the biggest panic attsck ever and ended up quiting. One thing I learnt after that and going back to a job I loved was that 1) a job is NEVER worth affefting you mentally to where you feel low 2) if I felt even remotely that low again I would have no issues in leaving. What I would say is because you've specialised and you do love the idea of midwifery is go on the sick for a month and try and find another trust. My friend was in a job where she too felt low. She didn't quit but she went on the sick for a month and her manager who bullied her realised how she made her feel and now has put things in place to make her happier and be more supportive as she didn't realise what she was doing to her. She is a lot happier now. I would go on the sick, look for another trust but you never know they might put things in place for you. You have no loyalty to them so I wouldn't worry about leaving them in the lurk as the managers are band 8 for a reason and are paid to deal with it. Feel better soon

Ignore the people saying you aren't cut out for it and should be skipping in to work ecstatic about the idea of helping women through the magic of childbirth. Anyone who's worked for the NHS for any length of time knows that most of the staff in most of the departments spend a great deal of time wanting to staple their own eyes shut.

I think you either need to switch trusts, or seriously consider (and this is what I would do if I had my time again) moving to Australia/NZ/Canada/America/Middle East.

I think there are several problems here.

I would have truly assumed that newly qualified midwives were supported for their 18 month qualifying period. Newly qualified teachers teach less than other teachers due to their need to do more prep and continue learning. You seem to have no professional support and I would talk to a senior midwife about that and surely you should have a CPD plan?

I think, from what I read on MN, that new mums are way more demanding than when I had my DC. They plan every minute detail and seem less able to cope when the best laid plans don’t materialise. The blame then gets put on the professionals in attendance. Giving more “choice” always ends up with more disappointments. I think you perhaps need more coping skills with disappointed mums. Certainly a recognition that not everything can be controlled by you or even improved by you beyond reasonable expectation. There is perhaps too much of a culture that bends over backwards for the customer and not enough analysis as to whether this is reasonably possible.

I think this leads to stress amongst staff (you are never good enough) and unhappy mums. Therefore you could look for a trust with better CPD and better staffing levels. But don’t give up. Your trust has a duty of care towards you, not just new mums. You should be a partner to the mums. You share a happy occasion together most of the time and of course they should appreciate your efforts but some people are too wrapped up in the birthing experience they wanted and see them one they got as a massive disappointment. If their expectations were lower they might be more grateful!

Sorry you're having a difficult time and congratulations on qualifying as a midwfie - well done.

Does your trust have a preceptorship programme and are you on it - I would talk to someone on that.

I've now been qualifed 18months (Adult Nurse) and the first 9 months were hard but it does get better as you're expereience grows so will you're confidence.

There have been numerous times I've wanted to quit and nearly every 'honest' newly quliffied nurse I've spoken to has felt the same.

Honestly, it will get better. Talk to someone on the team regarding documentation and get them to help you.

Give it a couple off months and keep looking at jobs if you feel the need.

I expect there are plently off paitents who are very grateful to have you as their midwife they just forget to express this. They will also be that one mention who will say thank you and make you cry due to appreciation for the work you do.

Remember, every thank you card to your ward - is for you too.

Keep up the brilliant work you do.

Your post makes me really angry, Op. Not at you but at the fact that you are obviously unsupported and your enthusiasm is being drained out of you.

Hope that you are able to take some of the good advice on this thread. For your own health and wellbeing, don't just put up with this.

Op mumsnet is full of women who are ‘traumatized’ and ‘taking legal action’ because their midwife looked at them the wrong way or didn’t bring them a brew within five minutes of asking. In reality most midwives are trying their very best, it’s a grueling job you have to dedicate your whole life to and you get little thanks. I’d probably stick it out a little bit longer but the main thing is you’re happy and secure in your job. Could you consider home visiting ?

I forget to document the slightest little thing and I’m made to feel like I’ve committed the worst kind of crime

To be fair, that could be very serious

Sorry you're not enjoying the role. I'd try changing to a different trust before changing direction entirely

And in every field, professionals aren't respected in the way they used to be. Clients / patients are consumers now. In the past they were more passive / grateful

I work in critical care, theatre previously, my patients rarely say thank you but I don’t go to work for the thanks, I’m not trying to act like I do it for the love of the job either and pretend I’m Florence, but what I mean is that you’re a part of that persons overall journey in hospital. You know only what you’ve been told by them, their families, colleagues so you can’t judge them when they don’t respond to a situation based on how you would respond. When they say thanks it is lovely, it is very much appreciated and it does make you feel like you’ve done something good for them that day, but I don’t expect them to say it.

You have inspired me to write a letter to the PICU that saved my daughter. It was only the beginning of her illness and recovery took over a year but I have long thought I would like to say thank you but don’t dare go down and buzz on the door because it is such a serene and serious space and I wouldn’t want to be a distraction or to accidentally intrude on the families of the current patients. I’m sure I said thank you at the time but we were discharged from there to another unit (Stem Cell) so I was still so scared and worried for the future, I was barely functional.

I am so, so grateful - I think of the PICU staff all the time - just at a loss as to how to communicate with them - they aren’t ‘my’ nurses anymore, I had to pass them on to another family (I wish I could’ve kept them forever! ❤️)

What an incredibly sad post, you do sum up well how it is working In the NHS currently

I am a senior nurse and if I was aware one of my nurses felt like this I would do whatever was needed to improve the situation. The expectation of patient's and relatives is completely unrealistic and as frontline staff we are the ones who get it in the neck, management don't even stand up for us.

Paperwork is a nightmare most things are repetitive and replicated so unless you forgot to record something unusual, or untoward I bet it will have been covered either on the online or multiple paperwork exercises. I don't think it amounts to medical negligence and I have alot of experience in RCA and errors.

You must have a preceptorship tutor you can talk to? Failing that how approachable are your direct managers or matrons? Being newly qualified is so very stressful, the training does not really set you up for that. As a student you always have someone with you or responsible for you as a RM you are on your own.

It would be awful if you left I feel from your post what you describe can be dealt with. For me I have a great team, work is so busy as we are currently catching up with really sick patients who have been forgotten in the covid panic. However I can do anything and deal with the stress with my supportive team. Can you think of anyone you can talk to? Our newly qualified RN follow a very structured programme to cover lots of related areas but they also have preceptorship mentors who are responsible for them.

I'm a nurse rather than a midwife, but I recognise the feelings you are describing from when I started. I used to be sick in the gutter outside work before going in because of the stress of trying to do a demanding job with no errors.

I would say stick with it for a while longer. It took me about 6 months to feel like I could do my job and a further 2 months to start enjoying it. It is horrible, but you will come out stronger.

A friend of mine was a midwife and very sadly took her own life as she was suspended by her Trust. She was later found to have done nothing wrong.

Honestly, it really is just a job. Walk away.

I've been exactly where you are and I understand. Nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming sense of responsibility once you have your own PIN. Throw into the mix a new trust with staffing issues (everywhere has them) it's unsurprising you feel like you do and I'd bet most of your cohort feel the same.

How far off your band 6 are you? If you are nearly there with your competences it may be an idea to get this under your belt first as it'll give you more options. Do you have practice education/preceptorship midwives who can support you to achieve this?

If you are way off, can you ask to move into community as a band 5. Some Trusts are supportive of this. Maybe have a chat with the community lead.

It may be that being a qualified midwife is not a good fit for you, and there is no shame in that, but I suspect you've sacrificed a lot to get to where you are, you owe it to yourself to look at other options first.