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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to stop work and look after family and house?

76 replies

blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:11

I get anxiety and my workplace is toxic.

I worry and it rules my thinking a lot. Does anyone else have this?

OP posts:
Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:12

Kids Re tweenagers and getting more demanding

OP posts:
66redballons · 23/07/2020 22:12

If you can afford it and any significant others are on board, what is stopping you. Change is good sometimes.

Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:13

I just want to be mentally present for my family.

OP posts:
Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:14

66redballoons, I guess I worry it would look bad if I want to work again. Also dread the chat with boss

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Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:15

Would mean big change to our income, but I don't care much for the finer things in life

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sunflowersandtulips50 · 23/07/2020 22:16

Unusual for someone to choose to give up work when he kids are in secondary school. Sounds like your looking for a reason not to work...can you afford it? Do you have a DH or DP who will support you?

Merrz · 23/07/2020 22:17

If you can afford to I would do it!

Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:18

Sunflower do you have children? Mine need me more now they stay up later, like/need to chat things through

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sunflowersandtulips50 · 23/07/2020 22:18

There isnt a chance I would be agreeing to my OH giving up work and leaving me soley responsible. Two wages are very different to one and just because you dont care much for the finer things doesnt mean your OH feels the same way. If you dont like your job find another one

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 23/07/2020 22:19

I’m a stay at home mum to teenagers. It doesn’t get many raised eyebrows, although I do have a disability that means I’d really struggle to work outside the home.
If you have a partner you’d need to both be on board with it. But I don’t think it would be an issue if you subsequently wanted to get back into the workplace.. you took time out to care for your family, and now you’re looking for a new challenge (or words to that effect).

sunflowersandtulips50 · 23/07/2020 22:20

I have 4 DC and work full time as does my OH. Funny enough i manage to have a good relationship with my DC and manage conversations after work and school

verypeckish · 23/07/2020 22:20

@blagaaw99

66redballoons, I guess I worry it would look bad if I want to work again. Also dread the chat with boss
It won't look bad, you just say you decided to take a career break.

And you don't need to chat to your boss, you just hand them a letter of resignation. If they ask you to explain why you are leaving, just tell them the same thing, you have decided to take a career break.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 23/07/2020 22:21

How secure is your partners' job? I was all set to give up my job when my DH developed a serious health condition and had to stop working - even with insurance, we would have been in real trouble without another decent salary coming in. Lots of previously secure jobs are becoming a lot less so with the pandemic, its a big risk to take on.

In your position I'd look for options to reduce hours or find another job first.

Popjam · 23/07/2020 22:21

What about a change of jobs to a non toxic workplace?

Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:21

Thanks sunflower, all sorted then

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Iamthewombat · 23/07/2020 22:22

Find another job in a better environment. Your kids will be grown up and leaving home soon enough. Never voluntarily make yourself financially dependent on a man. Never! Think about your own mental stimulation, social life, sense of achievement and pension.

Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:23

Popjam, that might might be a solution,maybe a career change

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sunflowersandtulips50 · 23/07/2020 22:23

You still havent said your OH supports your plan to give up work? As I said your using your DC as an excuse to escape a toxic work place.

However if your OH is happy for you to stay at home then go for it

Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:24

Stuck for that certainly does cross my mind the less financial security

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AriettyHomily · 23/07/2020 22:25

I wouldn't be supportive of dh just giving up work. What does your partner think?

Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:26

Yes OH would support me. As long as I make life easier all round and get the jobsdone, as much as poss and not become a lady who lunches

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Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:27

NB Those weren't his exact words!

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SleepingStandingUp · 23/07/2020 22:27

Mine need me more now they stay up later, like/need to chat things through
Well op I think leaving your job because your teenagers like to stay up late is unreasonable. If they're still in scho surely they're not up til 3 am making you too tired to do a day's work.

HOWEVER if work is toxic then you are not unreasonable to leave. However I think you need to look for a different job, not quit to be "available" in case your full toem educated children wants to go to sleep late

Original poster
blagaaw99 · 23/07/2020 22:29

Sleeping standing up, love your comments hadn't thought of it that way 🤪

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Railingsohno · 23/07/2020 22:29

How easy would it be to find another job? I would be nervous about leaving the workplace completely especially in this climate. It makes you very reliant on your partner. Are you married? You say OH.