Aibu to stop work and look after family and house?

[blagaaw99]

I get anxiety and my workplace is toxic.

I worry and it rules my thinking a lot. Does anyone else have this?

Find a nicer job with fewer hours.

You don't have to have a chat with the boss. You don't have to give reasons. Don't tell him anything, frankly.

I think your plan needs to be that you find other job bit you also need to look into seeing a doctor about your anxiety. I have OCD, anxiety and possible aspergers (never been diagnosed) but i have realised that no matter what you do for work or in your home life, there will always be something that will trigger it so you need to learn how to handle it otherwise you could be constantly changing jobs etc

I suppose if you can afford it and your DH is on board, there's nothing stopping you..if you want a new job later down the line,there shouldn't be an issue if you explain it was to look after your DC...maybe just have a break, see if you even like being off work, you may just want to do something part time after a little break x

You say OH, are you married? That affects the advice.

I personally would find it odd you were giving up work when your children are out of the house for large parts of the day. Seems like you just dont want to work...

However if your DH is on board nothing stopping you. I would hate to rely on someone financially myself.

Thanks all food for thought

I suppose covid is helping Filthy as they have been home 24/7 since March

Can you apply for an actual career break where you can return to your job afterwards?

I’m taking a years’ unpaid leave - exhausted after working/caring during DH’s cancer diagnosis and death 2013-2016, then bringing up young grieving kids plus working and running household alone since (inc. one DC with mild additional needs who is transitioning to secondary soon).

Applied and was accepted way before covid, but WFH plus homeschool as a lone parent has really brought me to the brink.

Obviously you don’t need as extreme a reason to really need a break; I’m glad I’m able to go back, but perhaps you’d dread that if work environment still not good?

Typo meant isn't helping

Tunnock , I am so sorry for your loss. I think covid homeschooling for single parents must have been really hard

@AnneLovesGilbert

You say OH, are you married? That affects the advice.

This is what I was going to ask too. Do not even consider becoming financially dependent on your OH unless you are married.

I don't want to be financially dependent, so that's a minus

Look for a part time job.

Start looking at other jobs, as others said you do not owe your employer an explanation apart from a career break if you want to say something. I hate being financially dependant but that is because OH is a bit arsy about my spending because he is tight.

@tunnocksreturns2019 that sounds really tough. I’m so sorry about your DH.

if you want a new job later down the line, there shouldn't be an issue if you explain it was to look after your DC...

You are living in dreamland if you believe this. How many women drop out of the workplace to look after children then waltz back into an equivalent job after a few years out of the workplace?

Answer: very few. Unless the OP is very skilled and specialist, and those skills are in high demand, and won’t go out of date whilst she gives up work, she will torpedo her own earnings potential and pension prospects.

Especially now, when the virus las led to lots of very good people losing their jobs and entering the job market.

I don’t know whether she is married. If not, what’s to stop her partner leaving her for somebody else so that she has to scrape by on whatever job she can get?

Even if she is married, then how does she know that she can always rely on her husband earning enough to maintain the household? She doesn’t, as other posters have vividly highlighted.

OP you do what is best for you and your family. I had a friend who's DD went seriously off the rails when she was a teenager so not quite sure it's all plain sailing when they hit senior school. She said she was surprised to realise that her dc needed her more as teens than little kids.

Railings thanks. Somehow we are getting through

I would look for something part time if I were you. You would retain some financial independence, still contribute financially to the household, but would have more time away from the workplace with your family.

If you still feel that you want to stop work completely then you can reconsider, but at least this way there is a stepping stone of sorts.

Definitely look to change jobs. It's not nice to be in a toxic workplace regardless of family commitments but 4dc is a lot and I can imagine evenings are really busy. I do think it's a last resort to give up work completely especially in this environment.

I did it 5 years ago and have never looked back. I left my job without another one to go to, I was completely burnt out. It was the best thing I ever did. I had 6 months at home before I started doing some part time work in a slight different field, I've built back up to full time over the past 4 years and love my job now.
If you can, go for it.

We're possibly heading into a massive recession, would you be able to cope then if you weren't working - what if your husband lost his job or had to give up work? I'm not saying 'don't do its but I do think that you need to do,some 'what if' planning before deciding.

yabu, relying on someone else financially is never good.. I never have , scary thought

I have quit a job without anything to go to before, once. Toxic workplace and bullying. I did find something else in the end with a few months much needed break.

If tables were turned and it was my DH in bad mental shape from a job, I would support him quitting. I still shiver thinking of that dreadful job I left.

I think you are feeling overwhelmed as I often feel that way with my (primary aged) DCs when I'm in a "hate this job" mode. I do get what you mean and feel they need me more of me (especially emotionally, which requires being present) as they grow, not less. I have no idea what tweenagers and beyond entail.

Also, I have never been able to find "a nicer job with fewer hours".

I would look for something part time if I were you. You would retain some financial independence, still contribute financially to the household, but would have more time away from the workplace with your family.

So much bad advice on this thread. We still don’t know whether the OP is married. Join the dots: working part time = less money of her own, usually worse career prospects and more importantly, a much smaller pension.

That’s if she can find a part time job. Have you ever tried finding a role that is advertised as part time? Very few are. When I’m recruiting I don’t want to see part time people, because the business doesn’t work that way. Usually people will negotiate a shorter working week with their current employer. The businesses where joining on a part time basis might have been a goer have been battered by the virus: shops and cafes etc.

The OP should change jobs if she doesn’t like her current role. Absolutely do not walk out of a job at the moment unless you have something to go to.