Aibu to stop work and look after family and house?

[blagaaw99]

I get anxiety and my workplace is toxic.

I worry and it rules my thinking a lot. Does anyone else have this?

If you can afford it, quit to take a few months off and consider your options. It's very hard to look for a new job when you're in a toxic environment, especially if you dread the boss which probably implies that he/she have been chipping away at your self confidence. I've done this twice, once I took a couple of months and went back to work in the same industry in a much better company and the other time I had a complete career change.

Late teens is when many men leave. Don't give up your job and your financial security, which you would need to house yourself.

Hire a cleaner and gardener - who you both pay for. Go out for dinner or have takeaways at least once a week so there is one night without dishes. Make you H cook half the rest of the time. You both work. He should be carry his weight, not dragging at yours.

How's your relationship generally? Does it make things better, or is it taking up all your mind space to the exclusion of all else - including coping at work?

How are you not going to be financially dependant if you give up your job? Yabu for being a stay at home mum to teenagers. Ridiculous.

So many things to consider before making such a big decision; I second the PPs who have suggested to look for a new job before handing your notice in

Personally I would never choose to become totally financially reliant on another person. What if your DH leaves, dies or becomes chronically ill?

There have been so many threads on Mumsnet recently from SAHMs suffering financial abuse which makes me think that men who are genuinely 100% happy to be the sole earner are not as common as some would like to believe

Not a good time to leave a job, unless you have found another, secure position. Jobs are very hard to find now. Also the MN chestnut, are you married and jointly own the house? If not you are putting yourself in a precarious position

I think youd be best looking for another job taking your remaining holiday or spacing it out so can get a few weeks of work and then have a period of having mental space then work ect, hand your notice in when you get a new job maybe take a week inbetween starting so you can get your head in the right space. If you dont like your job perhaps take one that's less stress for slightly less money? I think it's unfair unless your dh earns alot to expect him to pick up the slack. What if he decides he wants to quit his job because he needs the mental space,also what is it teaching the children?

Late teens is when many men leave. Don't give up your job and your financial security, which you would need to house yourself.

Hire a cleaner and gardener - who you both pay for. Go out for dinner or have takeaways at least once a week so there is one night without dishes. Make you H cook half the rest of the time. You both work. He should be carry his weight, not dragging at yours.

THIS

Personally I would never choose to become totally financially reliant on another person. What if your DH leaves, dies or becomes chronically ill?

There have been so many threads on Mumsnet recently from SAHMs suffering financial abuse

AND THIS

At last, the sensible advice.

I think it's the particular job that's the issue rather than working per se. are you part time? That could help? In a different job though.

Don’t do this.

I did. It fucked me over when I got divorced.

Stay working - look at a job change if needs be.

It is possible to change from FT to PT and still have a satisfying job. I did it, but I am in teaching and teach a niche subject where they don't always have FT hours to offer. I will say though, that I now have trouble getting new employers to take me seriously for management responsibilities (you just have to be persistent though). It sounds like it would be worth tackling the job and the anxiety before doing anything drastic (my DC has a few issues and I find work a break from them - but I have nice colleagues and a decent boss).

Yes I think you’re confusing wanting to leave a crap job and the only option being staying at home. If that’s what you want/need to do fir a while, then fine, but don’t hang the reasoning on your children who will be at school for all/the vast majority of that time. Own the true reason. Then you’ll know if it’s the right decision.

And you can always go back to a different workplace if you get bored (which after a while you will). 3/6 month career breaks for projects/travel/recuperation are very common.

I just think this is not the time to do anything drastic, with all the uncertainty. I remember what it was like around 2008-10 and this recession looks worse.

Im on team change job. Something that you should consider is your pension. You might be financially ok in the short term but have you considered the long term impact? Lets say you are at home for 5 years. Thats 5 years of contributions youll miss. If you are in receipt of child benefit then I think you get some sort of contribution. When you decide to go back you will have to start at an entry level position, so you wont be able to contribute much. That will have quite an impact on your finances as an oap.

Two separate things to consider here: whether you're in the right job, and whether you should be working at all.

Its very clear that you don't enjoy your current job, but its a big stretch from this to concluding that you shouldn't work at all or should work less.

I think it would be extremely foolish to leave yourself without any financial independence in your situation, particularly with the economy as it is now.

Why not give up work and take the time to retrain to do something you will like doing better. Before you know it those kids will be gone. It's quite boring trust me! Mine are at university and I'm half time wfh currently

I did it; gave up a job that was going to make me ill, did school trips etc with my child, spend more time with an ageing parent, and now work part time in a similar but less stressful role which keeps my skills current. This new team are lovely and I feel I fit right in, not bad considering I'd been out for over a year. If you have OH support and your family finances can cope, do it. It's really worth it.

Thanks all and thanks PrincessButtockup. Aging parents, inlaws and relatives on end of life this end be too. I think that, CV, stress is making me re-evaluate my life and stand back and ask if there could be a life where I get to be outside more, am relaxed and fulfilled.

Dreadful idea if you’re not married, since you have zero legal protections. How would your teens uni fees be funded in a few years? Parents have to contribute £1000s.

I think that, CV, stress is making me re-evaluate my life and stand back and ask if there could be a life where I get to be outside more, am relaxed and fulfilled.

I get it, and most people will have had similar thoughts, but you have to think long term. If you are really struggling with anxiety, do as a PP sensibly suggested and speak to your GP. You may find that your current role doesn’t seem so bad when you’re feeling better. If not, you’ll be more confident about finding another job.

What you absolutely should not do is act on a knee jerk impulse. I agree with the PPs who suggested that it’s not about your soon to be teenagers needing you; it’s that right now, you don’t want to work. We all feel like that sometimes bu we have to think of our future selves and get on with it.

Your potential future self, worst case scenario, gave up work before she was halfway through her working life (I don’t know how old you are but I’m guessing 30sj and didn’t go back. Her partner left when the children went to university.

She had to re-enter the workplace after eight years’ absence, in whatever job she could get, most likely minimum wage, which she found very difficult because she’d got too used to seeking relaxation and fulfilment. Her pension and earnings potential were shot.

She couldn’t afford a new home of her own and had to rent, and she couldn’t afford to put much away in a pension. She works through to the age of 68 (maybe later by the time you retire, if the state pension age continue use its upward trajectory) and has to scrape by on state pension and whatever small amounts she has built up in a private pension scheme.

Do you think that couldn’t happen to you? It could. It happens to lots of women. If it happens to you, then when you are 66 and trying to summon up the energy to get to your minimum wage job, will you think, “thank god I stopped working when I was 36 and had all that fulfilment and relaxation”?

Or will you think, I wish I’d found a new job, continued to work full time and preserved my financial independence?

You refer to him as OH not DH, so I assume you’re not married. You would be in a very vulnerable position if your relationship were to end.

Do you already have excellent private or occupational pension provision? If you stop working you’ll stop making National Insurance contributions, which will reduce the amount of state pension you’ll receive.

You’d be better getting therapy for your anxiety or looking for a better job.

Ok , I have sat down, gone through the finances of just OH working and realised I need to keep going.

Pulled myself out of my wallowing and am sprucing my CV and applying for jobs. Thanks all. I will keep going, just find a different job.

Will keep you posted! Feeling more positive, thanks

As you're not married, you would be absolutely up shit creek without a job, money, savings, a home etc, so it's good you've decided to stay in employment.

@blagaaw99

Ok , I have sat down, gone through the finances of just OH working and realised I need to keep going.

Pulled myself out of my wallowing and am sprucing my CV and applying for jobs. Thanks all. I will keep going, just find a different job.

Sounds like the right choice. You have ignored the many people asking if you’re married, why?

Good for you, OP. Stick with it.