Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure if I want to learn to drive

75 replies

EvePolastri938 · 22/07/2020 23:18

I'm 29 now and have failed my driving test 9 times, mainly due to nerves I think. I was learning between the ages of 17-24 but I haven't had any lessons for 5 years now.

I live in an area with excellent transport links and have 5 supermarkets within a mile. I can get to my parents' house, work, the airport, the city centre etc. And I spend £85 a month on public transport (unless say I travel across the country or something).

I hear a lot of how driving is an essential life skill, everybody should do it etc. (I think there was a thread about this the other day).

However I don't agree, I don't think everyone is cut out for it (I don't know if I am), and cars are not cheap. People shouldn't feel like they have to learn if they can get by in other ways.

I have noticed a certain snobbery towards non-drivers, and a friend of mine keeps asking me when i'm going to learn and made a remark along the lines of, "Well you know public transport better than any of us"

I used to feel ashamed at having failed 9 times, but i'm more confident now and don't care as much.

I have no plans to live in a rural area, and i've always managed with walking/public transport.

Would I be unreasonable to not learn to drive ? I really don't want to spend thousands again.

OP posts:
Original poster
EvePolastri938 · 22/07/2020 23:19

My boyfriend is currently learning and thinks it will open up a lot of doors for me but I don't see how.

OP posts:
copperoliver · 22/07/2020 23:23

I didn't pass my test until I was 40. It's a big regret it has made life so much easier for me and helped my confidence I will I'd have done it years ago.
Maybe if you try and automatic test you might find it easier as you've not got so much to concentrate on. X

Original poster
EvePolastri938 · 22/07/2020 23:24

I'm glad to hear you feel more confident and it's helped you a lot :) yeah, that's a good idea.
It's just that I doubt I can run a car, even a cheaper one for £85 per month, and I can't really afford an extra expense or to just fork out £400 or whatever if part of it breaks down.

OP posts:
Jojobar · 22/07/2020 23:26

You may not always live where you do now...you may need to move for work or other reasons.

For work driving means you can work anywhere...all those places you might discount because they're out of town or not on a direct transport route become possibilities.

If you plan to have children in future, life will be significantly easier if you can drive. Just doing the family shop is a lot simpler by car than struggling on the bus or relying on home shopping deliveries.

Other thing it opens up are visiting friends or family not on public transport routes, ditto for days out or holidays in the UK. The convenience of having a car is massive.

I get it, I came to driving late and only passed my test a few years ago but it has changed my life and despite the fact it took me several tests and cost a fair bit, I have never regretted it and I love driving now.

Ticklemelmo · 22/07/2020 23:26

I thought the same as you, and don't start my lessons until I was 27 but oh my god, I love driving now, there really is so much freedom.

Stick with it, you'll pass eventually and you'll see it's worth.

Ticklemelmo · 22/07/2020 23:27

Didn't* start

Completelyfrozen · 22/07/2020 23:31

Maybe some people are not cut out for driving. I'm not convinced everyone is capable of driving.
If you're happy not driving OP, dont learn just because you feel you should.

AramintaLee · 22/07/2020 23:31

I didn't pass my test until I was 30 and honestly I have no regrets not doing it sooner as I didn't ever need to drive... I worked in the city where there was decent public transport and I lived close to a supermarket. However, my job changed and the only bus to where I worked was being cancelled so I HAD to learn.

Honestly, I couldn't imagine not driving now. The convenience of being able to just get in the car and go... no having to check timetables or stand in the rain or have a meltdown when the bus doesn't show up.

You'll do it when it's right for you Smile

Miljea · 22/07/2020 23:32

Frankly, if you've failed 9 times; driving isn't for you.

You're evidently not that fussed, so- why not give it away and never let it trouble you again?

Original poster
EvePolastri938 · 22/07/2020 23:32

Thanks for the replies ! I agree, it would give me more options for the future. I just don't know if I can afford it, the thought of spending £200 a month or whatever it is on lessons is already making me feel sick, i'm on a low income.

OP posts:
Original poster
EvePolastri938 · 22/07/2020 23:36

Yeah, I don't know if it is for me, friends seem to think I will 'become independent' when I start to drive, but i've been independent for the last 11 years without issue.
Yeah, there are certain places I can't get to easily but it's really not having a huge impact on my life.
However, if my boyfriend drives and I don't I wouldn't want it to cause issues in the relationship, but still I'm anxious about the costs.

OP posts:
SephrinaX · 22/07/2020 23:37

I didn't pass my test until I was 32. I'd taken lessons once a week when I was 17, took a test, failed and didn't go back to it.

Now that I've passed I do wish I had done it sooner as it does open up opportunities for you and make life easier.

Maybe rather than having weekly lessons, you could save up and do an intensive driving course? Thats how I passed my test at 32. I found that much better and driving for like 4 hours a day for a solid week before taking the test really helps your confidence too.

SephrinaX · 22/07/2020 23:40

On the cost thing, it seems like a massive amount to pay in a block but it you add it up over the weeks and months what you spend it probably won't be that different.

You'll probably need less time learning overall. Simply because you're not repeating stuff you learned a week ago.

If you're not in a rush to learn, save up the cash to do an intensive course instead.

munzero · 22/07/2020 23:41

I started lessons at 19 as a student. I ran out of money so gave them up and didn't pick it back up until 10 years later. I wish I'd have picked it back up sooner to be honest. I haven't had my test yet but hope to before the end of the year. My instructor has told me failing multiple times is more common than most people think! I think having a license opens a lot of doors even if you don't run your own car. For me it's huge benefit to have a license if I'm to be considered for a promotion at work. Can you go on your boyfriends insurance if you pay him the difference?

Original poster
EvePolastri938 · 22/07/2020 23:57

Thanks a lot for the replies, I will think about it and look into intensive courses :

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 23/07/2020 00:06

It took me two years to pass my driving test. I had two tests but I needed so much work in between.
I hate driving and if I do , I always feel as though I’m going to veer to the right and crash.
I haven’t driven on a motorway in over 20 years .
I hate it when my husband drives in the fast lane too.
My son is in his twenties and has failed five times.
I genuinely feel that some people are not natural drivers.
Trouble is, according to another thread, you’re considered selfish if you don’t drive.
If you live in an area that’s easily accessible to doctors, dentists, shops etc... why would you need to drive?

GrumpyHoonMain · 23/07/2020 00:12

You need to weigh up whether learning will benefit you or not. Also, say you pass, how much motorway driving would you actually do; and when would you buy a car?

I passed a few years ago thinking it would be useful to be able to get onto the M1 but I didn’t have a car after passing. I couldn’t drive DH’s (manual) and actually didn’t drive for 3 years. When I finally bought a car I had forgotten everything and needed a couple of lessons to do really basic things. I now don’t have the confidence to do A-road driving let alone the M1.

BackforGood · 23/07/2020 00:17

I'm a big fan of people learning to drive and will regularly argue that it is an investment, and that my life would definitely have been much, much poorer without that skill however, if you have failed 9 tests, then I think it would seem that driving is not for you. That is a lot of tests.
We all have things we just can't master, and it seems driving is not for you. I wouldn't waste any more money on it.

DieSchottin93 · 23/07/2020 00:24

It took my 6 goes to pass my test and I still have driving but I live semi-rurally plus my job requires early starts/late finishes so it's more convenient for me to have my own car. If I were you and I wasn't planning on moving away any time soon I'd just leave it for the time being tbh.

GertyTheGert · 23/07/2020 00:31

If you r e a l l y don't want to drive, I personally feel you wouldn't have put on an MN post, but because you have done so, its probably because you want opinions from others - so here is my idea!! I agree with the other posters to have an intensive driving course if you can. If not, I certainly would change driving instructor/driving school - I did and realised he just wasn't a good teacher, and it wasn't me that was the "problem"! The new instructor was great and I passed. Personally, I'd not learn on an automatic as that limits what car you buy when you pass. Join the AA/RAC when you pass and they tell you what's wrong with the car if it breaks down and you then tell the garage and then no rip-off, but a lot of the time they fix the car in situ and off you drive again! You may think whats the point of passing your test but to me and my friends it was THE best thing we ever did, honestly! Just decide for yourself, I wont be pushing you (ha ha ha!!)

GrumpyHoonMain · 23/07/2020 00:39

@BackforGood

I'm a big fan of people learning to drive and will regularly argue that it is an investment, and that my life would definitely have been much, much poorer without that skill however, if you have failed 9 tests, then I think it would seem that driving is not for you. That is a lot of tests. We all have things we just can't master, and it seems driving is not for you. I wouldn't waste any more money on it.
In all fairness learning in an automatic is a lot easier than a manual, so if the OP hasn’t tried that yet she might pass first time. I never got to test standard in a manual but in an auto it only took me 4 attempts to pass. My mistake was not buying a car immediately to use my skills - but if OP does and carries on driving she could do well!
Viletta · 23/07/2020 00:44

Change your driving instructor. Different perspective can help. As you have invested so much it might be better to finish the business and get this driving license. You'll see later if you want to drive or not but you'll have an option.

Pipandmum · 23/07/2020 00:49

You might feel doffere type when you have kids. One friend of mine doesn't drive so everyone had to make allowances and arrange rides for her and her kids (or mainly her kids). So if there was a party or any playdates arranged her child would need a ride there and back. Her son and mine did a sport together and I had to do all the driving to and from twice a week.
I think it's fine bot to drove if you live in a city and do not rely on other people. But to me it meant freedom from worrying about the last bus or travelling on public transport at night or going places taking twice as long or transporting things like food shop etc. And as I mentioned - kids!

IdblowJonSnow · 23/07/2020 00:56

Yanbu if you dont want or need to. I love driving and miss it atm as not doing much these days.
You've given it a bloody good go! And it's really expensive as you say.
Tell your 'friend' to nob off. Agree there is a snobbery about it. The only time it pisses me off is when non driving friends expect a lift. I've encountered a few of these!

Runkle · 23/07/2020 01:03

I didn't pass until I was 34, last year. I always thought I didn't want or need to but it's honestly changed my life so much. From the the little things to big things. I wish I'd done it sooner.

Swipe left for the next trending thread