Not sure if I want to learn to drive

[EvePolastri938]

I'm 29 now and have failed my driving test 9 times, mainly due to nerves I think. I was learning between the ages of 17-24 but I haven't had any lessons for 5 years now.

I live in an area with excellent transport links and have 5 supermarkets within a mile. I can get to my parents' house, work, the airport, the city centre etc. And I spend £85 a month on public transport (unless say I travel across the country or something).

I hear a lot of how driving is an essential life skill, everybody should do it etc. (I think there was a thread about this the other day).

However I don't agree, I don't think everyone is cut out for it (I don't know if I am), and cars are not cheap. People shouldn't feel like they have to learn if they can get by in other ways.

I have noticed a certain snobbery towards non-drivers, and a friend of mine keeps asking me when i'm going to learn and made a remark along the lines of, "Well you know public transport better than any of us"

I used to feel ashamed at having failed 9 times, but i'm more confident now and don't care as much.

I have no plans to live in a rural area, and i've always managed with walking/public transport.

Would I be unreasonable to not learn to drive ? I really don't want to spend thousands again.

Driving represents so much about freedom and safety to me. Especially for women.

Find yourself in some dodgy situation? Get in your car and zip away vs wait for a bus or try and call a cab. No brainer.

And my DD did a million clubs. Fantastic opportunities... learning to swim, dancing, brownies, etc. Couldn't have done ANY of them if I didn't drive.

Sick relative? I'm on my way
Emergency? I'm there.

The rest is silence

Im 32, live rural and dont drive due to anxiety and flashbacks in the driver side of a car after a truck almost killed me at 16. I cant even sit in back seat on the drivers side without flashbacks
DP drives

I think more people should be honest that driving isnt for them. You should NOT feel ashamed or bad for knowing yourself
Having a license is a privilege and not a right so i dont care if it restricts ones work or social life, if you cant safely operate a car, you shouldnt, its really that simple.
People bang on about thinking of others during corona yet will daily drive when they not suitable too and risk many lives

While dp would be happy if i drove, he understands why i dont and agrees its not safe, so i shouldnt. He has PTSD and now legally retired in his mid 30s from when he drove trucks, under dodgy bosses who almost cost his life on many occasions so he puts safety above convenience.

You don't have to get a car straight away but at least you have your license, for if in the future you wanted to get a job that requires driving or if you went on holiday and wanted to hire a car. X

I passed on my 7th attempt after a lot of lessons and stress so know how difficult it can be. I found an automatic much easier, not really because I had issues with changing gears, but it means you can fully focus on the road. If it’s stressful for you though I would have a break until you really feel motivated to do it.

I second changing driving instructor. I was making no progress and was such a nervous learner. I stopped for 3 years but got courage to try again with a very patient instructor and passed.

I think we all probably need, ifwe can, to reduce our reliance on our cars. If you can manage everything you need to do on public transport then you're lucky and I'd embrace that. Driving is stressful, expensive and environmentally damaging.

I didn't pass until I was 40. Until then, I lived in Central London and had no need to drive. I then decided I wanted to live rurally so had some lessons and passed my test before I left London, I couldn't live where I do without a car and I love driving but for all those years I lived in London, not being able to drive wasn't an issue. If you don't need to drive then there is little point. If your circumstances change, there is nothing stopping you trying again.

Driving is indeed an essential life skill. Not being able to will limit you on your choices. You will think twice about moving to a less urban location at any stage in your life (people change their mind about where to live), it will limit you in where you can work if you need to drive to get there, it will save you tons of time in everyday life. Passing the test is by no means so it’s definitely frustrating. Good luck with with whatever you choose

Hello - I failed 5 times and then learned to drive when I was 36. I would ignore the number of times you failed - you were younger then. Definitely learn to drive one day as it's FUN and gives you options and freedom. But if now it's too expensive then wait til you can share a car with your partner or things become more affordable. But then go for it and enjoy it! Please ignore the advice of people saying that 'driving is not for you'. Driving is for anyone - just need the right time and right place.

Also - driving is just muscle memory - we just have to do it enough times that we start to do things automatically. If you can practice on a car for free with a friend/partner or parent in the passenger seat then that's great. You might need a few lessons to get to a point where you are confident to do that. But it really isn't complicated - you just need lots of time behind the wheel.

Don't do an intensive test - they are expensive and you don't get the time to learn to drive. And if you fail at the end it will knock your confidence. Give yourself lots of time to get the hang of it.

It's very simple.
Can you afford it?
Will it make difference to your life?
If yes, learn. If not. I mean you honestly can't spend money you don't have, do you.

Only problem is when non driver doesn't want yo drive, but bothers everyone for lifts and relies on someone else driving them.

I don't drive and it has never impacted my life at all. Driving wasn't for me, I was terrible at it, I had lessons but I was a danger on the road, my instructor kept having to grab the wheel from me and I just didn't improve as time went on.

It's totally your decision, think about what you want from life and from the future. Do you like where you live, would you want to live somewhere more rural in the future?

And don't rely on other people for lifts, make sure you can get where you need to go by yourself.

I have a child as well by the way and we get on fine without a car.

I passed my test at 26, fourth go. I’d been learning off and on since I was 21. An awful lot of it is having the right instructor for you. Some people just take to it naturally and some like me don’t but that doesn’t mean they can’t become competent drivers!

I'm 38 and don't drive. I've managed fine so far: I live in London near the tube and the vast majority of things I need are within walking distance anyway.

The one thing I regret is that 10 years ago when I was finding learning to drive really hard and considered switching to learning in an automatic, I listened to the people who told me that I really had to learn on a manual.. I'm planning to go back soon and learn automatic. Tbh I can't see that I'll ever need to buy my own car but there are loads of (automatic) Zip cars round here and it would be handy to be able to use them if I wanted to occasionally.

Do what's right for you - good luck!

If you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. I will say that having a license doesn't mean you have to buy and run your own car. You can put your name on your partner's insurance once he's on the road and share his?

Some people aren't cut out to drive for whatever reason; too anxious or simply not co coordinated enough? It's fairly responsible not to drive in that case.

When I lived in central London, there were loads of adults without a driving licence. There's no need for it and its far quicker and easier to jump on public transport. So it also depends where you live.

I don’t drive after failing my test 5 times and losing confidence. I’m 32 and don’t feel it impacts my life too much. My DP drives and he hates being a passenger so even if I got a car he would still always want to be the one who drives us. I just give him half the petrol money if he drives us anywhere that takes more than an hour. I never expect him to drive me places if he’s not coming to the place with me, I’ll just get a bus or train or walk myself.
If you don’t think it will impact your life in the future not being able to drive then I wouldn’t bother doing more lessons if I were you. Getting a taxi somewhere can seem expensive but it’s still far cheaper to do that occasionally than to have all the costs of running a car every month

Thanks a lot everyone xxx

Don’t be daft, nothing to feel “ashamed” about. Millions of people don’t and live perfectly fulfilled lives 😁

I drive, always suited our mostly rural lifestyle. That’s changed and we’re townies now. Barely use my car and thinking of selling it.

If you’re happy with public transport (and don't ask other drivers to run you about all the time, which is annoying), really wouldn’t give it another thought. You’re right, not everyone is cut out for it. Bet there are things you can do that I couldn’t.

I know two people that don’t drive and both their partners hold resentment over it. Everything falls to the one person, visiting family, holidays, going out, kids activities etc etc.

I never wanted to learn but had to because of my working hours. I never knew what a difference it would make!

Nobody should drive if they really don’t want to, but I do think it’s a very useful skill to have even if you don’t realise it!

Maybe some people are not cut out for driving. I'm not convinced everyone is capable of driving. If you're happy not driving OP, don't learn just because you feel you should.

This. I don't drive, and yes it can be inconvenient at times, but I don't enjoy travelling in a car at all and know that I would not be happy behind the wheel. It is your choice OP.

Thank you, I just feel pressure from people, though my family don't pressure me at all which is great because they know I struggle with it and ultimately I don't need it.

However admittedly it takes me 1h15 to get to work, 1h to my parents and it would take 20/25 minutes in a car for both.

My boyfriend's is 4.5 hours on public transport and it would take me 2.5 hours in a car.

Admittedly this would help me a lot.

If it really bothers you, could you try for an automatic license?

Most of my friends learnt to drive as soon as we could as we lived fairly rural with poor transport links.

When I moved to a city I got with someone who couldn't drive, with good transport links it was fine. When we moved back to my rural town it became an issue as I was being relied on for lifts. Not cool.

I wish I could drive less but to get to work for 9am I'd have to leave at 6.30 because that's the only bus that gets me anywhere near work before 9. In the car it takes 12 - 20 minutes depending on traffic.

It's not the end of the world not driving. You can't miss what you have not done.
You sound happy enough with the situation you are in. Cars cost a lot of money Only you know if it is worth it on your budget.

I have a friend and her husband has tried to pass his test 11 times. He is now in his late forties and decided no more.

They live a full life always going off somewhere on the train and are happy enough. He said he likes the downtime on public transport to listen to music. Every ones individual situation is different so don't feel pressure. Do what you want to do not what other people think you should do.
This is coming from someone who has driven for 25 years. For me I like driving but it's not for everyone.